Wife not letting Husband buy Guns

[misterarman]

This is pretty easy; we are partners so we both get to spend the disposable income roughly equally. I am the primary financier, and keep tabs on the overall household disposition. If we are running low on funds I put the kibosh on discretionary spending for both of us.

I am also head of household, so if there are issues that cannot be negotiated through I get final say on disposition, but with that authority comes the caveat that I do not get to act in my own interests but must put hers first (note that this can be different than what she wants). In this example that means if there is only a small amount of discretionary spending she gets first pass at it and I get whatever is left.

Of course this means that when there is a large amount of discretionary spending I can buy whatever I want and she the same. I just keep a running dialog with here about it and make sure we are not depleting the rainy day funds. The system works really well.

Along those lines my last wife never told me I couldn't buy anything. Problem is? If she didn't say no, how could I?
$1,000 could turn into $5000 very quickly.

 

[GrayGoose]

Is that like Amazon where you order online and they arrive in like 2 days?

Haha yeah with Prime delivery to your doorstep, and 30-day returns?

 

[Alexx1401]

Wife and I both work so if we "want something" we buy it. After the kids were on their own it became far easier. LONG ago Wife would kick some about money spent on guns. So one day I took her around and pointed out her "hobbies". What we had paid for stuff no longer used, what could it sell for now. Then showed her a few guns. Could tell her what was paid and what they would sell for now. None had really lost value. That finally stopped the complaining. When we want something like another car we do make sure we both agree on which one. Even that if one of us wanted one the other did not? We would still buy the damn thing.

 

[Gunbuggy]

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Probably cheaper to run down to AZ/NM/TX and snag up one of those runners this current administration is letting in illegally.

 

[OldBroad44]

Many guys have to ask their wives permission to buy a gun.
I have heard a number of excuses from married men that their wives won't let them buy a new gun or they have to ask the wives before they can buy and she would say, No! Is it because you have too many already? Or she rather you spent the money on her instead? Or she don't want to deal with all the gun stuff after you die? Or you spending all your time playing with your guns and not with her? Or she know that you are financially irresponsible and spending hard earned money on guns and not saving your money? Or she's concerned about gun safety with chidren in the house? And What else?

If the family is poor and is going to be in worse distress because of unnecessary purchases it makes sense to me that huge recreational purchases by either spouse benefiting only that one person should be discussed. And not made if its going to threaten ability to keep rent or mortgage paid and utilities turned on. Or if it means the kids going hungry that month or reduced to eating just one meal a day--a bowl of soup-- and only the males get a scrap of meat and potato in their soup. The wife and daughters get just broth. Or having no shoes that fit so their feet become distorted and crippled. Or passing out in school from hunger. (My mother, who grew up in the depression, experienced all that.) Once the spouses each already have a decent gun for SD, more guns is mostly a hobby and recreation. And a man conferring with his wife and getting her approval about expensive guns just for himself is not a matter of his being a hen-pecked wimp. Its a matter of him being a responsible husband and father, not a selfish @sshole. (And likewise for the woman and her fancy clothes, jewery, or expensive spa trip.)

If the family is better off but the guy purchasing a gun means the gal will be unable to have anything special for herself, seems to me that too warrants discussion and negotiation.

If the family is well enough off, each spouse may have a certain amount that may be large enough to include serious goodies of their own choice for both, in which case the need for discussion or approval has an entirely different, dominating flavor. Especially where one spouse is expected to get the other spouses permission for purchase of goodies and the other is not. I've seen some families in which the husband spent every dollar beyond mortgage and food on guns, fishing gear, boats, recreation vehicles, and expensive hunting or fishing trips for himself. And there was never enough money for anything special for the wife. And I've also seen families in which the wife spent everything beyond mortgage money and food on expensive clothes and hobbies and spa trips for herself, and there was never enough money for anything special for the guy. I've also seen families in which both parents indulged the kids so each kid had his own bedroom filled with thousands of dollars of electronics, his own TV, the latest Apple phone, and wore designer clothes. And was just given a fancy car when they learned to drive. And went to college somewhere with tuitions higher than the average family makes. And neither parent spent much on themselves.

If one spouse is irresponsible and impulsive with money the family may be able to survive financially only by putting most of the money and credit cards under control of the other spouse only, with the irresponsible spouse needing permission for unusual purchases.

 

[Gunbuggy]

If the family is poor and is going to be in worse distress because of unnecessary purchases it makes sense to me that huge recreational purchases by either spouse benefiting only that one person should be discussed. And not made if its going to threaten ability to keep rent or mortgage paid and utilities turned on. Or if it means the kids going hungry that month or reduced to eating just one meal a day--a bowl of soup-- and only the males get a scrap of meat and potato in their soup. The wife and daughters get just broth. Or having no shoes that fit so their feet become distorted and crippled. Or passing out in school from hunger. (My mother, who grew up in the depression, experienced all that.) Once the spouses each already have a decent gun for SD, more guns is mostly a hobby and recreation. And a man conferring with his wife and getting her approval about expensive guns just for himself is not a matter of his being a hen-pecked wimp. Its a matter of him being a responsible husband and father, not a selfish @sshole. (And likewise for the woman and her fancy clothes, jewery, or expensive spa trip.)

If the family is better off but the guy purchasing a gun means the gal will be unable to have anything special for herself, seems to me that too warrants discussion and negotiation.

If the family is well enough off, each spouse may have a certain amount that may be large enough to include serious goodies of their own choice for both, in which case the need for discussion or approval has an entirely different, dominating flavor. Especially where one spouse is expected to get the other spouses permission for purchase of goodies and the other is not. I've seen some families in which the husband spent every dollar beyond mortgage and food on guns, fishing gear, boats, recreation vehicles, and expensive hunting or fishing trips for himself. And there was never enough money for anything special for the wife. And I've also seen families in which the wife spent everything beyond mortgage money and food on expensive clothes and hobbies and spa trips for herself, and there was never enough money for anything special for the guy. I've also seen families in which both parents indulged the kids so each kid had his own bedroom filled with thousands of dollars of electronics, his own TV, the latest Apple phone, and wore designer clothes. And was just given a fancy car when they learned to drive. And went to college somewhere with tuitions higher than the average family makes. And neither parent spent much on themselves.

If one spouse is irresponsible and impulsive with money the family may be able to survive financially only by putting most of the money and credit cards under control of the other spouse only, with the irresponsible spouse needing permission for unusual purchases.

Dang this kinda felt personal not gonna lie....

 

[Knobgoblin]

This is pretty easy; we are partners so we both get to spend the disposable income roughly equally. I am the primary financier, and keep tabs on the overall household disposition. If we are running low on funds I put the kibosh on discretionary spending for both of us.

I am also head of household, so if there are issues that cannot be negotiated through I get final say on disposition, but with that authority comes the caveat that I do not get to act in my own interests but must put hers first (note that this can be different than what she wants). In this example that means if there is only a small amount of discretionary spending she gets first pass at it and I get whatever is left.

Of course this means that when there is a large amount of discretionary spending I can buy whatever I want and she the same. I just keep a running dialog with here about it and make sure we are not depleting the rainy day funds. The system works really well.

Y'all never had kids.

Lol

 

[Nick Burkhardt]

No problems when I was making big bucks, now under Biden with our balances declining all of a sudden "I have enough"

We need to talk about the daily Dutch Bros with tip plus several hundred a month for new clothes and shoes.

 

[Gunbuggy]

No problems when I was making big bucks, now under Biden with our balances declining all of a sudden "I have enough"

We need to talk about the daily Dutch Bros with tip plus several hundred a month for new clothes and shoes.

Thats super frustrating brother. My wife has become super frugal since bidenomics took place. She cut off Dutch bros (and there's one within 30 seconds from our house) and started making her own coffee drinks at home. Her coffee drinks cost us about 40 dollars a month compared to 70 dollars a week. She also cut off any unnecessary clothing spending.


If your wife is still spending money on Dutch bros and clothing, you're probably 3 years overdue for a financial discussion

 

[lucusloc]

Y'all never had kids.

Lol

We have one, I am negotiating for #2.

 

[Nick Burkhardt]

 

[OldBroad44]

If you both work, you should have separate finances. Create a joint account for joint bills. Whatever you do with your money is your concern, likewise for her.

If you are playing with cash instead of paying bills…well, not seeing eye to eye financially has led to more than a few divorces.

Raising children is a team sport with two head coaches. It's imperative that you talk with one another and agree on the plan.

If you haven't discussed weapons in the house before and just showed up one day with a newly purchased gun…kind of a dick move that says you don't respect your wife, imo, because going from no weapons in the home to 1+ is a big deal.

Once you've agreed on the values you want to raise kids with and how weapons will be stored, etc. then purchase away. I don't see this as "asking permission from your wife" but more so jointly deciding how you're going to raise your kids.

My wife's only question when I came home with a few more long guns was where they'd be stored so as to keep with our plan of safe storage. That was before she saw the safe. After that, she was quite happy I bought her the cherry color wrangler as well .

Many good points. Especially on how big a deal it is going from a household with no guns to one+. But I disagree that if both spouses are working that except for joint account each should keep what they earn as all theirs. Not unless the man agrees to carry half the babies, be somewhat or completely unable to work sometimes because of his pregnancies and lactations and breast feeding, be able to take only the lower paying jobs compatible with pregnancy, intermittent work and part time work, and genuinely do half the child care and cooking and housework and yardwork. And home schooling where they do that. I agree that both people should make a contribution to creating and maintaining a home and raising a family. But the financial contribution is just one of the contributions, not the only one that "counts."

Sometimes its easiest to evaluate fairness by considering extreme cases.
Let's suppose the man has a 60 hr+ a week job, makes an annual income of 10 million, and does none of the cooking, cleaning, or yardwork. He plays with kids when he has time and feels like it, but never takes them all away himself, so wife gets no time to herself ever. He has never even changed a diaper. Wife has given birth to six kids, one every two years. She is homeschooling them all. She does all the child care, shopping, cooking, cleaning, gardening and yard work. Her only cash income is from selling chicken eggs and garden produce at a small roadside booth where people pay on honor system. She earns about $10,000/year. All of that is taken to pay for joint expenses , and husband b!tches because she doesn't pay her full share. Husband and children are well dressed and have Apple cell phones and TVs in their own rooms. She has no cell phone or TV, has no room of her own, and wears used clothes she gets from charity bins. Husband says a maid or nanny to help with work or kids is a luxury she must pay for. And she doesn't have any money. According to your scheme, this would be a fair distribution of the family income.

I read somewhere that a good predictor of successful marriages is whether or not the two combine their finances. Genuine couples combine their finances. They understand the concept of the complementary but different roles of men and women. And they don't count only the bread winning as a worthy contribution.

 

[OldBroad44]

Probably cheaper to run down to AZ/NM/TX and snag up one of those runners this current administration is letting in illegally.

When I was a grad student in Boston/Cambridge I noticed that some male grad students were attracted to Asian immigrant women, because they wanted docile submissive wives. But what the guys didn't understand is most of the apparent submissiveness was a superficial cultural pattern. In addition, any woman who has voluntarily immigrated to America or is going to school in America thousands of miles from family has a steel spine and lots of courage, and isn't going to act submissive at home for very long. And by the way, a common traditional pattern in Japan is for men to turn whole paycheck over to their wives and she makes all financial decisions and gives him a small allowance.

 

[OldBroad44]

Separate finances = happy marriage

Separate finances = two single people pretending to be married.

 

[Gunbuggy]

Separate finances = two single people pretending to be married.

Yup. I think the same thing every time I hear someone say this

 

[joken]

My wife spends money like a drunk sailor and gives me what for if I use two Kleenex to blow my nose. I buy a gun or two a year with "our money," but the majority of my guns are acquired using the age-old method of buy, sell, and trade. She is the money person and without her, I probably would still be working and living paycheck to paycheck.

 

[Jay Walk]

My wife has become a cash stuffing, every penny is accounted for budget Nazi, that coupled with Inslee banning the majority of firearm purchases in my state has been a double whammy.

I can still purchase gun's but there is a heavy focus on investments and savings here.

 

[Certaindeaf]

Didn't really read the whole thread but probably a K-frame .38.

 

[jayR]

Firearms are considered a marital asset which in the case of a dissolution of the marriage..Need I say more.

 

[Knobgoblin]

Firearms are considered a marital asset which in the case of a dissolution of the marriage..Need I say more.

Lol.
Which is why my brother parked his meager collection at my place during his " separation ". He did good tho . Her pathological lying in court got him out with the house.