The Chuck Norris Thread

[moose]

Once I was researching a semi obscure Texas football coach named Chick Harris and my computer round housed me and returned results for Chuck Norris. The button changed from I'm feeling lucky to Do ya feel lucky, punk?

 

[Ironbar]

Once I was researching a semi obscure Texas football coach named Chick Harris and my computer round housed me and returned results for Chuck Norris. The button changed from I'm feeling lucky to Do ya feel lucky, punk?

I actually laughed out loud for that one! Thanks- I needed that!

 

[teflon6string]

True story. Mid 1980s, Chuck Norris flew out for a tour of the warship on which I was serving. Division Officer told everyone in Ops that he'd just walk through, maybe ask a couple questions and move on. While he was briefing us, Chuck and his (taller) sons and a few escorting officers came to the door. So there they stood and there we stood... until Sam Leonard said (and I'll never forget this as long as I live) "Hey Chuck, kick somebody's a$$!" Everybody was howling. Cool guy.

 

[cigars]

Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 men. Then the grenade exploded.

The boogeyman checks under the bed for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he just scares the sh1t out of it.

Chuck Norris ordered a Whopper at McDonald's and got it, without a single comment.

Chuck Norris tried to lose weight but Chuck Norris Never loses.

Chuck Norris keeps a diary, it's known as the Guinness Book Of World Records.

Chuck Norris had an arm wrestling contest with Superman. The bet was the loser had to wear his briefs outside his pants.

 

[billie8089]

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris broke the Law once...it still isn't fixed.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

 

[partsed]

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories...

 

[Stomper]

 

[Caveman Jim]

 

[RicInOR]

 

[Mygrainman]

the flu gets a Chuck Norris shot once a year

Chuck can pick apples from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you ever tasted

Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

Bigfoot claims to have seen Chuck Norris.

A Cobra once bit Chuck Norris... after days of excruciating pain, the cobra finally died.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

...and most impressive:
When Chuck Norris steps on a lego, the Lego screams too.

 

[teflon6string]

 

[Mister Bisley]

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean

 

[cigars]

• Chuck Norris can pee his name in concrete.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. Life stops for eight hours.
• They named a cocktail after Chuck Norris. Just one knocks you out and you wake up feeling like you've been kicked in the head.
• The Chuck Norris grill can cook an entire cow.
• Chuck Norris' son is named 'Son of Chuck Norris'.
• Full fear of Chuck Norris keeps UFOs from landing.
• Chuck Norris proves the Big Bang Theory.
• When Chuck Norris' daughter lost her virginity, he got it back the next day.

 

[DuneHopper]

 

[DuneHopper]

 

[Diamondback]

...and most impressive:
When Chuck Norris steps on a lego, the Lego screams too.

Chuck Norris never steps on a Lego because they get out of his way.

 

[DuneHopper]

Made a few of these up myself.

• Chuck Norris's Conceal Carry, only has a picture of him on it.
• Freddy Kruger has nightmares about Chuck Norris

 

[cigars]

Before they met Chuck Norris, The Black Eyed Peas were just known as "The Peas."

 

[The Heretic]

 

[Rickenbacher39]