The Chuck Norris Thread

[moose]

Chuck's gmail address is [email protected]

 

[kmk1012]

True story here, I was fishing in the willamette river years ago and saw a few dead fish float past the boat. Someone who was anchored near us who was obviously enjoying some adult beverages saw it too and yelled "Chuck Norris must have pissed upstream from us, might as well leave". At the time anyways I thought it was funny!

 

[v0lcom13sn0w]

Chuck Norris doesnt "T-Bag" he "Potato sacks"

 

[Ura-Ki]

Chuck Norris once survived 3 weeks in the desert on a single raisin and a snowflake tear!

His personal business jet is a B-1B bomber complete with loaded bar, between the loaded bomb racks!

He is his own arsenal of mutually assured destruction, entire nations avoid pizzing off Chuck Norris!

 

[Ironbar]

This is an original of mine that I came up with in 2008:

Bobby Fischer once challenged Chuck Norris to a game of chess. Chuck won the game with a single move: Roundhouse Kick.

Chuckmate.

 

[cigars]

This is an original of mine that I came up with in 2008:

Bobby Fischer once challenged Chuck Norris to a game of chess. Chuck won the game with a single move: Roundhouse Kick.

Chuckmate.

Nice!

 

[Ironbar]

One of my favorites that I saw elsewhere :

As a joke, Chuck Norris once pee'd in to the gas tank of a semi truck.

That semi truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

 

[Ura-Ki]

Chuck Norris once farted and blew the earth off it's axis by a full degree! He is no longer allowed to eat Mexican food!

 

[308]

Social Security has a Chuck Norris number.


....just made that up

 

[Ura-Ki]

Chuck Norris's ham call sign is "1"

 

[DuneHopper]

When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.

If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.

Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.

Batman Has a Picture of Chuck Norris, on his Spot light. ( I made the last one up maybe lame )

 

[DuneHopper]

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.

If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.


When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.

 

[CoastRange57]

Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.

Years ago I remember a Chuck Norris movie where he kicks the sh*t of this guy in the can. The guy is sitting on the toilet leaning over, he rouses up a bit, Chuck throws the door open and kicks the guy in the face about 3 times and goes back to what he is doing. Never have been able to find the clip again.

 

[DuneHopper]

Years ago I remember a Chuck Norris movie where he kicks the sh*t of this guy in the can. The guy is sitting on the toilet leaning over, he rouses up a bit, Chuck throws the door open and kicks the guy in the face about 3 times and goes back to what he is doing. Never have been able to find the clip again.

Hmmm I am thinking that one where Superfoot Wallace was in.... had to do with cocaine if I recall havent seen that one in a long time. HBO needs to run a Chuck Norris Marathon or Netflix .

 

[DuneHopper]

Found it, I think it was
A Force Of One 1979
Was the only movie he and bill superfoot Wallace was in, I saw it in the movie was awesome
well of course it was. But I think thats the movie with that scene .
Edit: Just wrote Netflix told them they need more Chuck

 

[CoastRange57]

Here is a couple of Chucks better beatings he put on people.

 

[Spray-n-pray]

If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.

I read once that Chuck Norris was offered the lead role in the original Star Wars trilogy. It was to be titled, Skywalker, Texas Ranger. It turns out, nobody wanted to pay to see an eight second long movie where Chuck roundhouse kicks the Death Star into oblivion and destroys the Empire.

 

[Spray-n-pray]

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and saying "Bang!"

 

[deadeye]

 

[cigars]

Word.