The Chuck Norris Thread

[cigars]

Ok, I'll start.

Chuck Norris doesn't use parachutes. He claims they only slow him down.

Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open. He took it back the next day for a refund.

Chuck Norris was the first one to Mars. That's why there's no signs of life.

When Chuck Norris goes for a swim, Chuck doesn't get wet! The water gets Chucked!!!

Once Chuck Norris got shot. Sadly, the bullet died on the way to the hospital.

Read More

 

[Stomper]

Behind Chuck Norris' beard is another fist.

 

[Mygrainman]

Who?

 

[L84Cabo]

When the Boogyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris through a grenade and it killed 50 people...then it exploded.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

 

[Mygrainman]

Death once had a near Chuck experience.

 

[No_Regerts]

Never heard of her.

 

[Crazyeye24]

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he does earth downs.

 

[filsonhand]

They tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take s**t off of anybody

 

[AshWilliams]

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

[Stomper]

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

No, no, no... his right leg is named, Walker and the left leg is, Texas Ranger.

 

[308]

No, no, no... his right leg is named, Walker and the left leg is, Texas Ranger.

That was Talladega Nights

 

[Spray-n-pray]

Chuck Norris' Rice Krispies don't say squat until he gives them the ok.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the deputy.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake for a condom.

 

[No_Regerts]

When Chuck Norris moved out of his parents house, he told his dad "you're the man of the house now".

 

[Roger65]

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Jesus walked on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

Chuck Norris' blood type is AR-15

When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the bubblegum, steps out for a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then returns and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.

Chuck Norris took a vacation to The Virgin Islands. Now they are just called "The Islands"

 

[RVTECH]

The best thing about Chuck Norris was Christy Brinkley in the Total Gym ads!

 

[parallax]

When its time for Chuck Norris to file his taxes, He sends in 1 sheet of paper with a picture of his face and nothing else....
Chuck Norris has never been audited....

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris's boot. Chuck Norris asked, "Don't you know who I am???!!!.. I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured the man of his blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse kick, delivered by Chuck Norris.

 

[Stomper]

The best thing about Chuck Norris was Christy Brinkley in the Total Gym ads!

That is, until she started to grow a Chuck Norris beard....

 

[308]

That is, until she started to grow a Chuck Norris beard....

You say that as if it is a bad thing

 

[Oregonhunter5]

My best friend is friends with his nephew in Ashland.

 

[teflon6string]

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars have to look both ways.

Guns use him for protection.