Need some guidance about family member with class c felony

[RVTECH]

These people need to hit rock bottom and have to WANT to change, accept the fact they won't ever be fully trusted (if ever), and NOT be enabled by kind-hearted folks.

This is correct AND they never will (all the above) while they have someone to DEPEND on as opposed to CARE for them. (Hence the term 'Copendent' which is the operational term applied to someone in this position who in effect enables them) As Stomper mentioned they are always working a scheme or scam and while on their way with them they inevitably bring more grief upon themselves and the 'codependent' in their life, thinking they are helping them, picks them up, takes them here or there, pays for this and that when in reality they are completely enabling them to continue on with their ways. I have seen these patterns repeated over and over, including with myself as a one-time enabler for the person I described in my first post. The bottom line is these people are always expressing a 'victim' mentality, always mentioning it is someone else's fault and will never take a responsible position for anything that has happened to them.

 

[duane black]

It would be alot easier if he was not family - my nephew, and up to this point in time he was not a felon. I agree with most comments and appreciate the perspectives. I have tried to protect family as that is what I was taught was the honorable thing to do. "Take care of your own." I have a few weeks before I will be seeing him again to reason this out. When all is done I must be satisfied that the right choice has been made. The input / information has been appreciated.

James Ruby

Just say no man....


I'm not a lawyer but observed a few threads on calguns where this was discussed ad nauseum. The general consensus was the keyword here is " possession " . It's hard to be in possession if it's locked in a real safe that only you know they combo for. Remember, ammo is also prohibited for people with felony convictions.

Good luck in your decision and if you need a attorney recommendation in Portland to get a " real " perspective about the legalities, send me a PM.

 

[Modeler]

Just to get the story straight, your nephew is a heroin addict, right? Or some other opiate? And he stole a truck and brought it to your house? And now he's in jail, and you're trying to help him get out of jail so he can move in with you and go once a day to a methadone clinic where he can buy drugs right outside? (Wild guess, the Ram Clinic on 82nd?)

Is that a fair summation of the situation?

 

[Jamie6.5]

Sorry JG, but it's time to cut the family ties. I had to do it, I wish my parents had, long before I did because my brother was a no-good, drug abusing thief.
Thankfully, he lives in a different state now, and I never have to see him or hear from him.

Be glad you don't live in California, where the law now says that if he moves in with you, that law enforcement can come and TAKE your guns away from YOU, legally.

And now you know why so many of us scream and holler about laws that claim to be based on "common sense."

 

[JGRuby]

I think you misunderstand
He has been on Methadone and has been going through treatment since February - he has been doing really well and is down to a minimum amount. He has been with us since February and we have been trusting, too trusting and needing evidence before we could accuse him of anything, as I would any person - he has been working up to this point and he has had three jobs that he has also been fired from. We thought we had seen major improvement - we were wrong.

Everything came to a head this last weekend - he took off with a vehicle not his. Charges were filed. He returned the truck late Monday night. His employer as they should of filed charges. We took him to the police station and he was booked - he knew he had done wrong - he gave us no hassle.

I am not trying to get him out of jail and his family feels he needs to do the time as I do. There will come a point in time when he will get out - we are his only family in the area. Initially we tried to protect him during those previous months - no more. He is being held 100% responsible for his actions now.

If you break the law then you you pay the price - it applies to my nephew as it applies to all that do the same thing.

I wasn't necessarily trying to get into a morale battle but more of what are the things I need to consider since i feel he will be found guilty and his stuff is still in my house.

James Ruby

 

[RVTECH]

Sorry JG, but it's time to cut the family ties.

I have to agree. The friend I referred to in my first post (the one now in OSCI) had every chance (and lots of 'real' help - not just enabling) to turn his life around but it was always 'something else' with him (the victim again). I really believe many drug abusers are undiagnosed manic depressives who use to bring themselves 'up' when they are at a depressive low in their life but then evolve into other types of crime and the spiral downward continues. Consider this -

I am not concerned with him being harmful to my wife or myself

If he is lying and stealing as you mentioned then he IS being harmful to you and your wife and you do not need to subject her (or yourself) to this.

 

[Stomper]

1. Liar? Fired from 3 different jobs?

2. Thief? Took an employer's truck, and brought it to YOUR house?

3. DONE... FOREVER!

 

[nwbobber]

I wouldn't say you need to cut off your family ties, but in order to help this guy you need to know how to deal with drug addicts. One doesn't stop being an addict because they complete a methadone program. Check the statistics, and you will find most relapse. This nephew needs someone to help him who knows how to help, and you are not that person. You would be doing him a favor by helping him find a program that provides proper supervision and employment for as long as it takes to regenerate a feeling of self worth that comes from being a productive member of society, and not allowing him to use you.
In the meantime, lock up your arms, anything else of value, and watch your back.

 

[DeanfromOregon]

Sounds like you got it all figured out then! Good luck to you.

 

[JGRuby]

I have found in life many times the right thing to do is not the easiest thing to do. We are hoping that "maybe" we can get him mandated by the court to a situation like you talk about where he is forced into a living condition where he can get the care he needs. I am not a rich person but we would find a way of doing this. At least until he is able to start making his own way. It saddens me greatly to see someone such as this go down the path of destruction - at least it is of his own making. The concept of entitlement that I see sometimes with the younger generation really scares me - no one owes me a thing where he thinks the world does and I truely think this is the core of the problem. The desire to do what he wants with no thought of the consequences of his actions.

I have had everyone from my own dad to people I don't know tell me to watch my back. When the world is telling you something maybe its time to listen.

Thank you all

James Ruby

 

[Bruin]

I don't now if you are just naive or incredibly stupid but if you let a junkie move in, you can kiss your guns goodbye.

 

[Squidly]

I have met or known 4 heroin addicts in my life. Out of necessity, I do not associate with any of them. One is my GF's son. He is ban from the house and vicinity forever. I can no longer bear the financial and emotional cost. She is not restricted from seeing her son any time she wants, just not near my house. He has stolen thousands of dollars of property from me over the years. Never again. He has been in and out of jail more times than I can count and he is only 24 years old. Each time he gets out of jail he is worse than before. He's an empty shell, a slave to his addiction. The others are no better, but they were less costly.

Early in the addiction cycle, there is hope. If they have been strung for a few years, there's not much you can do. Cut your losses.

 

[JGRuby]

Bruin
Just maybe you could be a little more insulting.

James Ruby

 

[Bam]

When it comes to drug addicts... jail aka forced drug treatment might actually be the best thing.

I deal with drug addicts daily and when it comes to long term users of hard drugs like meth or heroin the risk of failing treatment or relapse is almost guaranteed. When they need that fix, it becomes the absolute most important thing to them above all else.... think about that.

 

[Silver Hand]

After he takes what he wants from you and your family and abuses you and your wife to the point of your wishing you never got involved with him.
Start up a new post in a few months and let us know how bad it was or still is.
He needs a soft heart in order to enter and you will give him the permission he needs to continue doing what he does best.
Silver Hand

 

[Blitzkrieg]

Since you asked for guidance I'll get a little preachy.

I protect my own and there is no way I would bring a junkie into the house. Even those on a legitimate path of recovery are still way to messed up for me to trust. The risk of relapse is fairly high and the consequences could be steep. If you really want to protect your wife, keep him away. Not that he's going to hurt anyone but lying and stealing is common.

If you really want to help then pay for a single wide on a six month lease and give him a weekly stipend until he gets on his feet. It's only money and if he blows it then your loss is limited.

Have him over for Sunday dinner, but don't give him a key to your house.

This is sage advice

 

[fallingblock]

One other thing to think about..

Even if you have a stable relationship with your wife, bringing the known drama into your house will forever change your everyday relationship, conversations and time spent together.

I applaud your desire to help this young man and we do need more family looking out for family. It's a tough situation that I believe needs his mom and dad to be more concerned with (financially and emotionally) than you...

This is all due respect.

 

[redmond]

When it comes to drug addicts... jail aka forced drug treatment might actually be the best thing.

I deal with drug addicts daily and when it comes to long term users of hard drugs like meth or heroin the risk of failing treatment or relapse is almost guaranteed. When they need that fix, it becomes the absolute most important thing to them above all else.... think about that.

James-

Like PDXoriginal I have dealt with drug addicts daily for many years. All who work in this field would love for the addict to turn their life around and become clean and sober. It does happen, but is rare with heroin/opiates. The long term addict truly is not in control of their life or actions. The drug literally owns them and is in control. When withdrawal hits (a few hours after last dose in the case of heroin), they will do anything (and I mean anything) to get the drug or money to get the drug, to stop the pain. Serious heroin withdrawal can be life-threatening (seizures). Keep in mind that methadone does NOTHING to treat the addiction. It is only given to prevent withdrawal using a somewhat less debilitating drug with a longer half-life - about a day. Sometimes methadone patients can be weaned off completely, but sadly, most cannot.

I was raised like you - family is family and we take care of each other. My wife and I worked with our daughter as she dealt with the demons of substance abuse. She is OK now, married, employed and happy (but unable to have children as a result of her drug abuse). We all still watch her very carefully, 15 years later.

If you must participate directly in your nephew's recovery, be prepared. As hateful as it sounds, do not trust him on anything. NEVER allow his friends to visit. Remove valuables and weapons and make sure he knows they are gone. He is not your nephew right now. Heroin is looking through his eyes and controlling his brain. It is a long and difficult road with an uncertain future. Also be prepared for the fact that no matter how well he progresses, he will never be exactly the same person he was before the addiction. The personality and cognitive changes are a part of the price of the addiction and do not heal completely.

If you can, attend some Narc-Anon meetings and listen and learn from other families struggling with addicted loved ones. Trust me, they help. You might even go to a few Narcotics Anonymous meetings to hear from the horse's mouth about the daily struggle the addicts experience.

I admire your willingness to stand beside your nephew. There is definitely significant danger there, so make sure you go forward with your eyes open. Seek help before you need it.

I wish you well my friend.

 

[eganx]

I have vast experience with this.......I have been your nephew. Junkies are bad news.....if your set on him moving in with you, so be it, but heed my warning. Junkies will rob you blind, nephew or stranger. He does what he does because the drugs get your brain to a point where you feel getting your next fix is a life or death situation. Methadone treatment is a joke. It is a way for the docs to make a buck, the pharms to sell drugs, and a way to keep junkies hooked on a "legitimate", "legal" substance. Methadone clinics are one of the best places to score dope of all kinds....and if your boy is frequenting a clinic I'd bet my last dollar he is using more than methadone. Few junkies recover, most die. The reason I recovered is my family would have nothing to do with me, no friends would associate with me, no one would have anything to do with me. I was homeless living in dope houses and had no one to con or manipulate. No more scams to run.....in between a rock and a hard place. No other viable options. Rock bottom as some would say. It is actually your responsibility, as someone who cares about your nephew, to not enable him, helping him reach his "rock bottom."

As for the legal aspect, in my experience on must have all firearms locked up so the felon does not have access to them. With that your good. As a convicted felon(me) I was able to get the felony expunged from my record and have all rights restored. That was, however, after 7 years of no more trouble and being a clean, contributing member of society.

Good luck. If your nephew's mouth is moving and sound is coming out he is lying.....don't buy into his bubblegum.

 

[Burt Gummer]

No good deed goes unpunished. You will be sorry you are going to do this, please update six months from now all the things he stole and the grief you went through.

People like me like to hear follow up stories from people about the stupid things they have done so we can feel better about ourselves. Otherwise known as the Jerry Springer self-worth booster.

Don't let the druggie take your car out for any reason either! Unlike Rainman, drugged out freaks are not excellent drivers, no, definitely not excellent drivers.