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* Never put a gun barrel in your mouth. If you’re curious what your gun tastes like, it’s much safer to just lick around the barrel.

* A gun makes a decent hammer in a pinch, but is hard to use as a screwdriver.

* Make sure to loudly announce, “I am firing a gun!” right before you fire your gun so people know what that sound is.

* Guns are literally the loudest things ever and scare things that don’t like loud noises, like women.

* All the rules of safety for a bullet gun also applies to a glue gun. Ignore those rules, and end up with your head stuck to a table.

* A shotgun is much better for home defense and safer than an AR-15. And even better and safer is a Super Soaker filled with acid.

* A great way to carry a gun is to tie it to your head. Then someone can’t try to grab your gun without you seeing.

* You can check if a gun is of a decent caliber by sticking your index finger in the barrel. If your finger can go in but gets stuck when you try to pull it out, then the gun is just the right caliber for you.

* You can’t tell if a gun is loaded by looking down the barrel unless you have a flashlight.

* You can use a gun to defend yourself and still resolve things peacefully. For instance, you can offer to trade your gun to a criminal in exchange for not hurting you.
 

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