Quantcast
  1. Sign up now and join over 35,000 northwest gun owners. It's quick, easy, and 100% free!

The Holy Gospel of John

Discussion in 'General Firearm Discussion' started by MilesTeg, Jan 22, 2010.

  1. MilesTeg

    MilesTeg Troutdale, OR Active Member

    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    29
    Moses Browning that is....

    As translated from the original ancient m****cripts by Fr. Frog.
    © copyright 2002 by John C. Schaefer



    1 In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, "Thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it workith. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain."

    2 "And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm."

    3 And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

    4 Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.

    5 And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.

    6 And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

    7 Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

    8 And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.

    9 And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.

    10 But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

    11 And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

    12 Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.

    13 And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the followers of John.

    :D:thumbup:
     
  2. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,792
    Likes Received:
    597
    If thou duth not have a 1911, sell your cloak to buy one. Amen.
     
  3. Gunner3456

    Gunner3456 Salem Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,109
    Likes Received:
    835
    It's obvious from the writing style that that's the King James version, written in the early 1600's, the date that most 1911 lovers were born. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
  4. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,792
    Likes Received:
    597
    I'm a 1911 lover, but I gotta admit that's a pretty good zing! :laugh:
     
  5. The Quiet Man

    The Quiet Man rural Washington County, Oregon Active Member

    Messages:
    380
    Likes Received:
    36
    Yes, indeed. Those intelligent enough to become skilled in the use of the 1911 live long, long lives. ;)
     
  6. Mainsail

    Mainsail Puget Sound Active Member

    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    37
    What's really funny is that my Sig 1911 is far more accurate and reliable than the original design ever was!
     
  7. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,792
    Likes Received:
    597
    The original 1911 design gets a bad rap from old military service guns that were shot to ****, never got refurbished, and the bushings were so worn you could clamp them in a rest and the would shoot a circle as big as a pie plate at 50 ft. The other problem is that the original 1911 was designed for military ball ammo and never envisioned all the myriad of bullet designs that would end up being shot in the pistol in the future.

    This is how enhancements like flared ejection ports, ramped barrels, accuracy bushings, and other "good" improvements came to the fore.

    Like anything that is an icon. Some improvements are good and some are less so, or are the result of the latest fad.
     
  8. Mainsail

    Mainsail Puget Sound Active Member

    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    37
    Sorry, I was just trying to raise some blood pressures. :D
     
  9. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,792
    Likes Received:
    597
    No problem. I didn't take it that way. There are just some people who are new to firearms that may believe all the hype about 1911's being inaccurate and prone to malfunction. One need only to look at the list of Bianchi Cup winners to see the real record of the 1911.
     
  10. Gunner3456

    Gunner3456 Salem Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,109
    Likes Received:
    835
    An old timer ex GI told me the same - many originals are worn out. He likened the originals to the AK - a bit loose to fire dirty in combat. He has disdain for some of the newer tight tolerance guns. He says they are very accurate and sweet to shoot under range conditions or where they can be well oiled and kept clean, but he'd never take one into battle where it would have to fire dirty.

    Maybe he's all wet. I dunno.

    $.02
     
  11. Jamie6.5

    Jamie6.5 Western OR Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,202
    Likes Received:
    4,416
    The one my pops "qualified" with wasn't all that accurate apparently. He said you would be better off throwing it at your target.
    Then, he became an MP during the occupation of Germany. The unit armorer set him up with one that was fast, reliable and accurate all at the same time.
    Pops changed his mind about the 1911 at that point, and had one around the house 'till he was in his 70's.
    He was smokin' deadly with it too. Supplied grouse for camp meat with it more than once!
     
  12. xstayfrostyx

    xstayfrostyx PDX Member

    Messages:
    120
    Likes Received:
    5
    Addendum:

    Shouldst thou fire a bullet, its caliber shall number forty-five, no more, no less. Forty-five shall be the number thou shalt fire, and the number of the bullet shall be forty-five. Nine shalt thou not count, neither forty, excepting that thou then proceed to forty-five... Fifty is right out. Once the number forty-five be reached, then lobbest thou Holy Bullets towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it. Amen.