Have you ever disowned a family member?

[thereddog]

If you are hurt enough to disown someone, then take advantage of bubblegumsenders.com Look em up. also knows as poopsenders.com

 

[Wifey]

I just began reading this thread today and thought being Father's Day and all, what a bad, odd, great day for such a thread that I have to respond to!
I am the baby of the family, only girl, with 3 brothers, one a year older and the other two 10 & 11 years older.
My Father lost his wife and we lost our Mother 29 years ago. I was only 22 years old at the time.
The brother that was 10 years older was in a motorcycle accident when I was about 13 years old...brain damage, rehabilitation, etc. He took many different turns afterwards and due to wrong decisions, my Father disowned him. Through all the years he would ask about my brother but never wanted to speak with or see him.
The brother that was 11 years older was a long time alienated from the family. Mom used to tell us that "we didn't have to like him, only love him". The brother that was closest at 1 year older met a great girl dragging 82nd in the high school years and kinda distanced himself from the rest of us from then on.
I am the only one that has kept in contact with the disabled brother through all the years. Offered contact info up to my 1 year older brother 5+ years ago when we hooked up to head south and work on our Dad's property.
Fast forward to four years ago when I got word that Dad was on his way out. I picked up my disabled brother and headed south. After being there for a couple days with our Father I called the other two brothers and told them Dad was dying. My Dad was in a state where he believed they were both there to see him so I did not discount that.
He had been alive and aware enough to see his disabled son whom he had disowned so many years before and they told each other they loved them.
The other two never came.
I phoned both of them 9 days later to let them know Dad was gone.
I now have only one family member and he has only only one family member. The two left out of the best of the bunch!

 

[greydog111]

Have you? Do/did you regret doing it?

my son disowned himself by his choice of a wife. She has committed multiple crimes, some of which are felonies. Accused his sister of things that are absoloutely impossible and untrue. We are heart broken!

 

[Ironbar]

Never had the need to do it with family- we're all pretty OK. With friends, absolutely.

 

[Jamie6.5]

Sometimes it comes down to that old adage:
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

In my case, it was fool me thrice (or more), before I wised up. They were family after all, so I gave them lots of chances.

 

[Martini_Up]

family gets a bit more forgiveness than others but as people often do, they abuse the bubblegum out of everyone around them and you have got to cut the relationship to save your self/own family. I forgive but damn if I have to keep myself in a position where I have to continue to do so.

 

[Caveman Jim]

Ex-in-laws. I told him if he ever divorced my daughter he divorced our whole family!!!!
He did so they are gone forever!!!!!!!

 

[NoFlinch]

Disowned my Bro & Sis after Mom & Dad died, and they stole things left to me in their wills....it's the principal, not the stuff......that's only 1 example of MANY.

Sis is the "bubblegum from HELL".

Bro is a true obliviot, makes me laugh that he's so clueless. I used to think he was very intelligent.

"Deleted" my son about 2 years ago. When one is completely and totally manipulative in every action, and you can't believe ONE WORD, NOT ONE they say, it's better to walk away from them.

Too bad. He has some HEAVY Karma to pay some day.

I love my dog, and like a few people though.

 

[mjbskwim]

You will be lucky to take 5 people though your entire life,family or not. Not all people get along with others and being related doesn't change that.
As you get older,it become easier to just stop talking to people that have a negative influence in your being.
Doesn't matter if it's a parent or not.Sometimes especially if it's a parent.They are the hardest to divorce yourself from but can be the best to get away from.I quit talking to my sisters for a bit and still don't bother much.No big deal they pissed me off and I don't like that feeling.It's not healthy
Getting rid of negative people in your life is the best thing there is

 

[Certaindeaf]

I'll never forget stopping my dad in his tracks when I was around ten years old.. I called him out on being a bully and I wasn't going to be his byatch.. one way or another. the disowning happened much later though. poor bastid

 

[U201492]

This is a pretty loaded question. About 5 years, 6 months ago I was accused of doing some very unkind things to my Mom and the family- in spite of being found innocent not once, but twice by local law enforcement- they would come over to the house and start fights then leave. After the 4th or 5th time I threw them out.

Fast forward to about a month ago- my Mom finds documentation that clears my name. I send it to my siblings- who have ignored it.

Thats fine; under Washington state law I can still claim an inheritance from these dirty so and so's- I actually have the law as stated- it's not that I want the money, I just feel like being an azz to them. Being stupid should be painful and in this case, I'd like to help them be in a bit of financial agony- comes out to about $212,000 dollars worth.

 

[NoFlinch]

[QUOTE. About 5 years, 6 months ago I was accused of doing some very unkind things to my Mom ..............[/QUOTE]

Reminds me of a Van Morrison song titled "What's wrong with this Picture", BUT, 5 years, 7.125376 years ago, I.........

 

[nwwoodsman]

Normally I don't get personal on gun forums, Facebook or anywhere for that matter. That being said, before you part ways, make sure it's worth it.
When I was 15, my old man started hitting the bottle again. I packed my stuff, told him I'd see him around and left. The next day he was dead
When I was 21 the best friend I ever had, closer to me than any of my own family, told me his thoughts on my own habits and I let him know I had enough of him. Cleaned up shortly after that but the damage was done. 7 years later we got back in contact through emails. The day before we were supposed to reunite he had his head taken off by a log truck. After his death his mother tossed me the keys to his truck and told me that to that day he loved me like a brother.
To this day I would do anything for just a few words with either of them. I think about my friend daily. Every time I see his broke down truck in my driveway it brings a moment where I wish he was sitting there in the drivers side. I wish he could tell me to get in, I'd change the station, he bubblegum about it and I'd just laugh and turn it up. I wish we could still drive around until midnight smoking cheap cigarettes and talk about girls we'd never get. It'll never happen. Spent a lot of time missing out on those times. Once that time is gone you'll never get it back.

 

[U201492]

When I was at Boeing as an engineer- what seems like lifetimes ago- my 2nd wife was arrested for doing prescription drugs she was stealing from her patients since she was a care giver nurse. I lost my clearance and my job at Boeing. My "best friend" was getting married, and his wife decided to "uninvited" me to the wedding". Obviously I was hurt and angry. Fast forward 3 months- I had moved to Somersworth, New Hampshire and his brother had been electrocuted while installing cable TV wire's- he was killed when arc'ed across a 7,500 volt line and only Grand Coulee Dam and God Above knows how many amps. I get a phone call from my Dad, from my other friends Mom that this person had been killed. 4 days later I get a phone call from the former friend who had uninvited me to his wedding. The conversation went down like this:

"Greg got killed at work, installing cable tv cable on telephone poles"
"Yeah, so?"
**pause**
"Thought you should know"
"Why? My second wife was put into a mental ward. I was literally homeless for over a year while working at Boeing- I lost every thing I owned. Remember, I'm the guy you uninvited to your wedding and pretty much disowned. Why call now? I've seen you around death- your cold, calculating, and emotionless- I really doubt your brothers death affected you"
"Well, I'm sorry"
"Bye"

Fast forward about 5 or 6 years- a mutual friends Mom had died of cancer and I dreaded the funeral. During this time he had become a Jail Guard and I wanted to draw on him- and I didn't care about the consequences. He comes over,,,I balled both my fists,,,,and ended up hugging him and apologizing.
We see each other in public- the last time was at a movie theater where he'd pumped out 5 or 6 kids and his wife had gained 200+ pounds- and while polite to each other we really had nothing to say to each other.

So life goes on.

 

[gallogiro]

I have not disowned any family. However my father has disowned my brother due to some bad choices he made. It was a reality check for him and he's turned his life around. Dad still refuses to talk to him, even though I know he still asks mom about how he's doing. My father, brother and sister have the same type A stubborn personality.

Funny thing is they live blocks from each other in so-cal. I haven't visited in 3 years because I'd be torn to have to decide who to stay with.

They may be OK with it but it also affects the rest of the family, particularly my mother.

I wish to see the day they can make peace and its not on someone's deathbed. Have had many recent funerals lately, life is too short to hold on to grudges.

 

[Fast Eddie]

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."
Matthew 5:9

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Romans 12:9

I'm not trying to get preachy or anything here, I have posted my experience in this thread and have felt the weight of it on those who have posted here as well. I feel a twinge of sadness whenever I see new posts in this thread.

It is not easy to sow seeds of peace, and it is not always possible to live at peace with mean spirited or toxic people. I hope those who have suffered these kinds of rifts, with friends or family, don't allow themselves to be consumed by bitterness.

Wounds can be deep and they fester if you pick at them, or allow others to pick at them. When they're healed they are still scars, and remind us of what we have been through. Hopefully they remind us to be better and not bitter.

 

[JedB]

Thanks Kibs. It might give him closure, or it might not. But sending the e-mail will give me closure, and that's what I'm really after.

Giving yourself the closure is the key in something like this.
If it's what you need to do for you so you can move on, then do it.

 

[Sgt Nambu]

I have not disowned any family. However my father has disowned my brother due to some bad choices he made. It was a reality check for him and he's turned his life around. Dad still refuses to talk to him, even though I know he still asks mom about how he's doing. My father, brother and sister have the same type A stubborn personality.

Funny thing is they live blocks from each other in so-cal. I haven't visited in 3 years because I'd be torn to have to decide who to stay with.

They may be OK with it but it also affects the rest of the family, particularly my mother.

I wish to see the day they can make peace and its not on someone's deathbed. Have had many recent funerals lately, life is too short to hold on to grudges.

In a similar situation I have stayed in a neighboring hotel and visited seperately. Good luck with your family!