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Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Modeler, Jun 12, 2014.
Have you? Do/did you regret doing it?
I disowned two actually. Both were my siblings, and I miss neither.
And apparently they don't miss me, as they haven't tried to make contact either.
I have also.. also twice at least. Sometimes it's the only/proper thing to do.
Yup, tough love...............Regret? Nope, they now have been "clean n' sober" for 6 years and are welcome anytime....
That doesn't sound like disowning, at least not as I'm considering it. In this particular circumstance the family member in question has had 18 years to get it right and never has. Disowning is forever.
Disowned both a sibling and my inlaws.
Two of the best decisions I've made. Some people are just toxic and I won't keep people like that in my life - relative or not.
It's also been two of the hardest decisions... They are family after all.
One cousin threatened to shoot me. I'd call that cause for no longer in contact.
Never regretted it.
In fact that is why I like facebook. Whenever you start to forget why you hate someone they remind you on facebook.
I disowned a wife as soon as I learned she was trolling on christiansingles.com.
Does that count?
Yup - not a single regreat. 30+ years of being lied to, being treated like dog crap for the last 2+ years of having contact with them, finally to be accused of **** I didn't do - I told them what they could do with themselves and haven't spoken, written, or given a damn about them in over 2 years. I don't speak with half of my "blood" family because of these people, and it doesn't hurt my feelings one bit. My family was never one to be considered close - and honestly most of them are f-ups of one sort or another - substance abusers, wife abusers, or inmates of one correctional facility or another, they're not the types of folks I care to associate with or have my son around anyway.
Life is too short to deal with bubblegums or stupid people. Sometimes it just takes a while to learn that lesson.
That's pretty much where I'm at. My brother casually disowned him years ago (stopped talking to him but never said things were through) but I've hung on hoping for more. It's been 18 years since he left my mother for his current wife and just now at 34 years old I finally got up the courage to ask him to explain his actions and why he was never there for me after my 16th birthday.
Apparently it's all my fault, the way I reacted to him leaving and moving far away to be with another woman.... Or so he says. I can't do it anymore. I need to move on.
I have the e-mail written, but I haven't sent it yet. It feels like he's dying, and in a way he is. I will never have a father again.
You don't have to send a letter or "explain" yourself.. you could/can just do it by not doing it.
I thought about that, but it seems open-ended and disingenuous on my part. It seems like the kind thing to do is give him closure.
It sounds like you've "gave" enough. either way
Modeler, I appreciate your desire to give closure, I just hope you don't think you owe it to him. I have no respect, and little use for my dad. Seeing him more than a few times a year puts me in a funk that has a negative impact on those I chose to love. So in a sense I can relate. Have I actually disowned him? Not really. I guess to each his own, just make sure you are doing right by yourself. If you need to cut it off and for good, then I would encourage you to do so. One thing I have found is that there is your "father", and then there is a mentor. I have so many valued mentors, it's unbelievable. Try not to get too hung up on losing your father, especially since it sounds like he wasn't much of one anyway. Find some older, wiser men and pick their brains. It has changed my world for the better.
P.S. Didn't mean to get preachy, it's just a sensitive topic to me. Good luck with whatever you decide sir!
Thanks Kibs. It might give him closure, or it might not. But sending the e-mail will give me closure, and that's what I'm really after.
Besides the couple family mentioned, long long ago (teens), I "disowned" most all my "peers"/ circle of friends.. I went my own way on and with purpose. Most all of them there have been dead for a long time now.
In my case it did take 20 years. Sounds like you've already made you mind up, go for it if you think it'll make you feel better........Hate in your heart only hurts the one that harbors it, I learned the hard way......That's why they call it "tough love" not tough hate..........
Good. Take care of yourself!
My extended family divided over money. They have said and done some pretty evil things for the love of it. I predict they will devour each other until there is nothing left. I have distanced myself from them, I want nothing from them or to do with them. They are dead inside, they are dead to me.