A Somewhat 'Serious' Moral Delema I Am Facing...

[Oregonhunter5]

My family relations are crap now. I can't imagine what will happen when our parents die.

 

[RVTECH]

And being of questionable character and emotional state, who is she selling it to? Probably either some dirtbag or a pawn shop.

I am only speculating her selling it as a possibility - I do NOT know that is her intent - but it would not surprise me based on her track record if that is something she is considering.

 

[CoastRange57]

I realized that this hunk of wood and steel is not worth a life of constant family problems...

And putting a gun in the hand of somebody who is obviously unable to handle that responsibility is not going to cause a possible life time of problems for that person, the family and possibly other people who may be affected by her bad decision's. ???

 

[NoFlinch]

Well you tell me - severe depression, on about every psych med there is, a daughter who told her grandma (my mother) "Don't even think of leaving my mom in charge of ANYTHING family wise as she is not responsible money wise", displaying irrational behavior over the years, poor decision making with nearly everything in her life. My father agree? - I can honestly say I doubt it....

I am confused as to why your dilemma......

 

[NoFlinch]

Don't give it to her.
You, and your Mom, would probably feel WORSE if she used on herself.

 

[Velzey]

Sorry I didn't read thru the entire thread to see all your posts rvtech. Clearly there is allot to this story and I should have taken the time to read every posting.

 

[RVTECH]

Yea the consensus is running heavily to 'keep' - I am not 'assuming' anything but if something were to happen to it such as it suddenly being sold I would never forgive myself. ALSO there is the fact of it being a WW2 relic of historical significance and is 'safe' with me.

 

[NoFlinch]

I went through my Mom's death (my bro & sis were executors), and my other Bro's (died intestate) death within the past 4 years.

Without going into ANY details, we will never speak again.

YOU do what YOU KNOW is the RIGHT thing to do.....and YOU will know if what you are doing is the right thing to do...........................................

The old saying was confirmed to me during this fiasco; "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family".

 

[RVTECH]

There are also other issues with this - I always maintained this gun and kept it clean for dad, paid for a repair part one time, shot it a lot (with and without my dad) AND there is the fact it is a WW2 relic and has intrinsic value that I appreciate and understand. My sister cannot equate (or relate) to any of this.

 

[CoastRange57]

I went through my Mom's death (my bro & sis were executors), and my other Bro's (died intestate) death within the past 4 years.

Without going into ANY details, we will never speak again.

My wife is going through this exact thing right now. Her sister is executor. Everything will be done her way, and do not bother trying offer input. Do not even ask for a monthly accounting, you will get it when she is ready to give it to you, when "she has time".

My wife and I are set up be each others executors. When one of us goes, the executor for the other automatically becomes the estate lawyer. Two of the kids specifically said they wanted nothing to do with the process, and we decided then the best way was to have an outside party handle it. That means less money or assets to the kids, but they are all pretty close friends and we want it to stay that way. I told them all if we get another twenty years and kick the can, I still want them to be close into their 50's and beyond, because I have seen it tear 4 siblings apart. It just is not supposed to be that way. Shame it is.

I am an only child, so never had to deal with some siblings on my parents deaths, just an ex wife who was still part of my parents estate and cost me 50K..but what the hell.

 

[JedB]

After reading through this, here's my opinion. RV_Tech, take it for what it's worth.

1) It appears that your sister is using sentimentality to get access to something that can be converted to money.
2) It appears, based on what you've stated that she's fragile mentally, and not someone that could/should have easy/ready access to a firearm.
3) There *may* be deceit to you, based on your mother's not knowing about your fathers wishes regarding that gun.

Were I in your shoes, I would:
1) Ask her if she wants the gun, or if she wants the money or if she wants something that represents/embodies your dad. It truly may be that she wants the thing because it represents your father to her.
2) If, in your estimation, she wants money, I'd offer her fair market value for the weapon. Have her sign a paper saying she relinquished claim on the gun. At least at that point, you'll be 'off the hook' in a family fight.
3) If she wants something that represents or embodies your father, see what else there is that you could give/provide her.

That's what I'd do.

 

[johnny bob]

Ok all kidding aside - I get a call from my sister tonight who I do not have a particularly close relationship with. She tells me it seems a 'mistake' was made and I got my dads Victory S &W she claims HE told her was hers upon his passing. He ALSO told me the same thing a few months before he passed away - specifically upon his passing I was 'To go get it and take it home" Ok - so to placate my sister I told her 'If that's what dad told you then I will not argue it and turn it over to you" She mentioned part of the issue was I got the rest of the guns and he told her the Victory was hers. Ok my sister has no interest in guns and I really don't know why this is coming up and I don't know what to do. Shall I tell my mom and let her make the decision? (which she will not deal with rationally) or just turn it over and be the BIGGER person? This is very weird and not something I am comfortable with. Please advise.........

You heard it from your Father and I would respect his wishes to do what he asked you to do. I think anything that passes from your Father goes to your Mother and it seems like she agrees with your Fathers wishes. You did not hear him tell your sister anything. I feel he would want you to be strong and protect your sister. I would think you should keep it and sleep well knowing it is in a safe place for now and the future. I think no matter what you do it will always be a thorn in her side if she chooses it to be. Sorry for your loss. JBob

 

[PrDubi]

as someone that has btdt.. she is gonna sell it dude. End of story.

 

[RVTECH]

as someone that has btdt.. she is gonna sell it dude.

This was my first and foremost thought. She has 'said one thing and done another' all her life....

 

[Member 34319]

I'm sorry to hear about the issue at hand and for the loss of your parent.

Sadly it sounds like it was never in writing who the pistol goes to. Also sounds like your relationship is shaky right now.

Do the right thing and sit down with her. Tell her how you feel and what your wishes are. Ask her for the same. If she comes of as dishonest, back off and tell her that you will hold onto it until she is in a better state. If she reacts poorly, wait a bit till you get back in touch with her.

Ultimately it is your sibling, as much advise as we give you, I hope you can be the best to judge what her intentions are.

Good luck! I know all to well what it is like when there is uneasy tension in family matters.