A Somewhat 'Serious' Moral Delema I Am Facing...

[Mikej]

I mean no offense to you, so please look past anything that may sound rude in text here, but how old are you and why do you need strangers on the interwebz to help with this moral dilemma? (rhetorical)

Respectfully....I feel like there are friends here, and I ask friends for input with difficult decisions. As I said above, I may have to go through something like this in the future. There is help for others in this thread too.

Mike

 

[AMT]

How about I draft an 'agreement' should she ever sell it, accidentally or intentionally she relinquishes any portion of her inheritance upon our mothers' passing?

The gun would still be in her possession and then gone from the family if she does sell/pawn it.

You think it is tough now, wait until you try and enforce the "agreement".

Bad situation for anyone. Sorry you have to be dealing with it.

 

[pokerace]

Do NOT give it to her.......

I have experience along this line and have disowned 2 sisters {they didn't like dad anyway} I do not let them visit do not communicate with them in any manner. And do miss them at all.

 

[CoastRange57]

It is possible that your dad told each of you separately that it was yours but without any documentation (will, trust, etc.) it's a hesaid/shesaid.

If is is not written down, it never happened.

 

[CoastRange57]

So why the question? Why does "mom" need to be asked or any of us for that matter...



However, there may be other forces at play here that are clouding the decision....feelings, emotions, false sense of obligation...who knows but you.

Because if he does not ask Mom, she flips out. If he does ask Mom, she flips out, Sister flips out no matter what happens. Pretty much screwed either way.

As far as seeking counsel from this group, I have read enough of the posters on here to value their opinions, and lacking some internal family connections that could be a sounding board, there were some real good opinions and options presented.

 

[jluck]

Threads like this are good reason to have a complete and detailed will.

 

[Oregonhunter5]

I mean no offense to you, so please look past anything that may sound rude in text here, but how old are you and why do you need strangers on the interwebz to help with this moral dilemma? (rhetorical)

You explained the situation and then identified your sister as untrustworthy and mentally unstable. Not just your opinion, but also the opinion of others in her close proximity.

So why the question? Why does "mom" need to be asked or any of us for that matter...

As I implied previously, you would be very wrong...in fact criminal if you were to hand over a firearm to some joker on the street with the sort of dysfunction you have described your sister as possessing.

Based upon what I have read, there is no need to consult anyone...the common sense answer is clear.

However, there may be other forces at play here that are clouding the decision....feelings, emotions, false sense of obligation...who knows but you.


Edited to add:
If you feel compelled to give her the gun, one option would be to remove or disable the firing pin. That way both of you could feel good about the situation. Just a thought.

because sometimes people need to talk to there internet buddies. Or maybe think outloud. Some of us have face to face friends,and also internet buds. its the world we live in now.
and its just fine....

 

[Member 5605]

If in doubt..


DON'T!

There was so much chaos when my grandpa passed and I watched his three sisters fight over his stuff and... AND some of his granddaughters jumped in the mix. Disgusting.

I would hold it until she shows stability.... If she never does then it remains with you.

 

[jbett98]

If it was me, I would hand it over your Mom and let her decide who gets it.
That removes you from the equation.

 

[RVTECH]

If it was me, I would hand it over your Mom and let her decide who gets it.

Close to how this may go. I will call my mom and first ask if she knows anything about this. If yes then I will explain MY position IE if she knew of this then why did she hand it over to me and not mention what my dad supposedly said to my sister (this is the 'cloudy' part) My sister tells me "I made a mistake by taking it" Well - if I made the mistake why did my mom release it to me ? If she knew otherwise she would have told me and said it was to go to her. This is the proverbial 'fly in the ointment' with this.

 

[Mikej]

BIG BUT.....How's your moms mental state with all this? And if your sis is on meds and really, for a fact, clinically depressed.....If mom's attitude is "Oh, she really is a sweet girl" and "Oh, she's had just a little problem from time to time, but she's soo much better now". If mom has a sweet spot for sis and wants to make her feel better without concerns for issues you've mentioned, well. It could be a bad scene coming.

Well you tell me - severe depression, on about every psych med there is, a daughter who told her grandma (my mother) "Don't even think of leaving my mom in charge of ANYTHING family wise as she is not responsible money wise", displaying irrational behavior over the years, poor decision making with nearly everything in her life. My father agree? - I can honestly say I doubt it....

^^^These are the people that we responsible, law abiding, firearms owners SCREAM about stopping from possessing fire arms rather than putting more "Common Sense" gun laws on us. Are they not?

Mike

 

[jbett98]

Remove the firing pin from hammer and then hand it over to your Mom. You hold onto the parts.
That way it's deactivated and can't be used in any way.
If it goes to your sister, then claim ignorance about it.

 

[RVTECH]

Well how things change - I called my mom this morning and what a revelation. It seems my mom DID hear about it but is taking a VERY reasonable and pragmatic stand on this. She is leaving it up to me BUT does NOT agree my sister should have it. She does not trust her, has been lied to by her and also believes she is not mentally stable and TRULY believes my dad wanted me to have it. My mom even mentioned about a month before my dads passing if they should give it to me then but he wanted to wait until "he was done with it" as he put it. My mom agrees with me in that my sister has the potential to go off the deep end and do something stupid like waltz into a pawn shop and sell it out of SPITE. Bottom line? It ain't going to her and while my mom wants to stay out of it she DOES agree I can tell my sister if mom knew otherwise she would have told me dads intentions and NOT handed it over to me. My mom also does not know why my sister is taking this position about it BUT she did (and has) indicated it may be out of jealousy and anger.

 

[IronMonster]

Sounds like you have your answer

 

[Garg]

Keep the gun RV. It was intended for you, and I think we can all agree it may have serious implications if your sister gets it. How would the family feel if something deadly occurred because of it.
If it were not a deadly weapon, then I would tend to take the high road, a Book, a Vase, etc.. but it is a gun. I would not knowingly give an unstable person a deadly weapon.

 

[etrain16]

Family stuff can hurt. My wife has been estranged from her sister for several years now. There was rocky stuff between them for many years, but the straw was broken when our daughter came along and her sister started acting weird toward her, in some cases mistreating her. My wife cut it off. Now we deal with her parents who want them back together, but my wife is standing firm, and I stand behind her in that decision. It makes for uncomfortable times from time to time, but honestly, things have been better without them in our lives regularly.

As for your situation, it's a major bummer, but I'm glad to hear your mother has sided with you. I hope she can stand her ground. Should the poo hit the fan, I suppose you could always pay her a little cash for it and try to call it settled, if you think she could be swayed by such a move. For some folks, things are more important than the money when it comes to a memento. My brother and sister really don't care for keepsakes of people that have passed, I view it differently. I have stuff from my grandparents, and after my parents pass, no doubt I'll keep a few things of theirs as well. I don't expect any fights over things, we're all able to work together and find ways to balance things out.

Good luck with this, I hope it all ends well for you.

 

[Modeler]

Your sister sounds like a basketcase, is there any legal reason your sister can't have a firearm? Like convicitions or other disqualifying history? That would be an easy way out.

 

[RVTECH]

I suppose you could always pay her a little cash for it and try to call it settled, if you think she could be swayed by such a move.

I appreciate the suggestion but after my conversation with my mom this morning I am not going to pay her anything - considering she NEVER suggested selling it to begin with - but given the track record I am not so sure that was NOT a consideration for her - IE I could EASILY see her simply, and without remorse selling it out of spite and anger - and NOT having ANY regret about it. My sister can 'flip the switch ' so fast it is almost incomprehensible..

 

[RVTECH]

Your sister sounds like a basketcase,

Yep - she is - plain and simple - even her daughter agrees

 

[Kruel J]

Keep it, bro. I've read this whole thread and the piece is yours. If she doesn't like it, that's her issue.