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A Somewhat 'Serious' Moral Delema I Am Facing...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by RVTECH, Mar 12, 2015.

  1. RVTECH

    RVTECH LaPine Well-Known Member

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    Ok all kidding aside - I get a call from my sister tonight who I do not have a particularly close relationship with. She tells me it seems a 'mistake' was made and I got my dads Victory S &W she claims HE told her was hers upon his passing. He ALSO told me the same thing a few months before he passed away - specifically upon his passing I was 'To go get it and take it home" Ok - so to placate my sister I told her 'If that's what dad told you then I will not argue it and turn it over to you" She mentioned part of the issue was I got the rest of the guns and he told her the Victory was hers. Ok my sister has no interest in guns and I really don't know why this is coming up and I don't know what to do. Shall I tell my mom and let her make the decision? (which she will not deal with rationally) or just turn it over and be the BIGGER person? This is very weird and not something I am comfortable with. Please advise.........
     
  2. Provincial

    Provincial Near Salem, OR Well-Known Member

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    Does she really want the pistol, or just wants the money it will bring? If the latter, offer to buy it at a fair appraised value. That may solve the problem and keep the gun in the family.

    Often, the sibling doesn't really want the gun, but their "significant other" either wants it or the money it will bring. :(
     
  3. U201491

    U201491 Well-Known Member

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    Buy it from her if she has no interest in it. Is she wanting to sell or keep it. Maybe trade her for it for something else of your dads.
    Sorry about your loss also. Family is tough sometimes. :(
     
  4. IronMonster

    IronMonster Washington Opinionated Member Diamond Supporter

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    Things like this can cause generational feuds, at least they have in my family. There are still sections of my family who dont speak to each other after 50 years of bad blood "he said, she said" things when loved one passed. Honestly if its not super important to you I would give it up for the sake of keeping the peace. You might ask her what she intends to do with it and make some sort of a condition that if something should happen to her you get it back and specify it cant be sold except to another family member. I am setting up a trust (as we speak) to make sure my guns go to whom I want and hopefully even what happens to them after they get them. I have it set up so if for some reason my kids decide the dont want them then they go to my brothers kids, if they dont want them they will go to a cousin but the trust is in effect for 150 years and until then the only way they can legally be sold is if all the members of the trust (pretty much all my immediate family) agree to liquidate them and split up the funds. I really am trying to keep some heirloom guns in the family and have seen how one disinterested person can fowl up the whole works.
     
  5. Joe13

    Joe13 NW of Vancouver Opinionated & Blunt Bronze Supporter 2015 Volunteer 2016 Volunteer

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    Learned a long time ago to not give in on this type of stuff - being the bigger man never helped me in the long run...

    But only you know if it's worth the drama but drama goes away and that pistol will be around for generations.
     
  6. Caveman Jim

    Caveman Jim West of Oly Springer Slayer 2016 Volunteer

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    Tough decision RVtech but like others have already said, find what her intentions are and go from there.
    I'm sorry for your loss & Good luck.
     
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  7. RVTECH

    RVTECH LaPine Well-Known Member

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    There is no 'significant other' in this case and I cannot honestly say if her intentions are to sell it. She DID however as
     
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  8. jluck

    jluck Really,Really, Close to Newport Oregon 97365 Voted #1 Member

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    Is there any reason she shouldn't have one of her dad's guns? You not having a close relationship with her should be irrelevant. Is she worthy of it and would your father agree with her having it?

    I have one brother I'd hand it over too in a heartbeat and another I would never ever, mainly because of conversations with my dad's feeling on the particular brother.
     
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  9. clearconscience

    clearconscience Vancouver, WA Well-Known Member

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    People become vultures when someone dies.

    I say don't disrepect your father by throwing that gun away.

    Tell her to kick rocks.
     
  10. RVTECH

    RVTECH LaPine Well-Known Member

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    Well you tell me - severe depression, on about every psych med there is, a daughter who told her grandma (my mother) "Don't even think of leaving my mom in charge of ANYTHING family wise as she is not responsible money wise", displaying irrational behavior over the years, poor decision making with nearly everything in her life. My father agree? - I can honestly say I doubt it....
     
  11. AMT

    AMT Vancouver, WA. Gold Supporter Gold Supporter

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    Sorry for your loss and your dilemma.

    Towards the end of peoples lives they say and do odd things. Are you sure that your dad was 100% at the time that he told you and supposedly told your sister?

    *For my sons entire life, since he was born, my dad told me that his Auto Mag was to go to him. He said it a couple times per year until towards the end of his life. Towards the very end he mentioned that he wanted it to go to a different grandson - my sisters son. My Nephew. I made him repeat it, and he did. We discussed how my sons entire life he always wanted it to go to him. Now out of the blue he changed his mind. He said yes, he changed his mind.

    When he died my sister was adamant about getting it into her possession. Mind you, she is not a firearms person. She has none, zip, ziltch, nadda. My Nephew doesn't want it, has absolutely no interest in firearms. Doesn't even want to touch them. My Brother-in-law could care less who gets it but he understands the value of keeping it in the family regardless who has it. None of them have any intention of shooting it.

    My dad's last statement was it goes to my Nephew, so I [reluctantly] sent it to my nephew (actually transferred it to an FFL, who made my sister do the paperwork to receive it as my nephew is still an minor).

    I made it perfectly clear that if it goes anywhere, I get it! If I have to buy it from them I will. They all said "no problem".

    Now, why my sister could give a rats-a_s about it, who knows. But my sister was adamant about getting it, and my dad did state it.

    If you got all the rest and that one specific gun was supposed to go to your sister, it does seem odd that only that one was mentioned by your sister. Which I might lean towards believing because she didn't state that she gets all of them, or half of them, etc. Make sense? She only mentioned one specific gun.

    Maybe he did mention that you get all the guns, then he thought about it and told your sister that she could have that one - sort of an heirloom from him that she could have, being you were getting all the other ones.

    Is there any reason to NOT believe your sister?

    As mentioned before, offer to buy it and/or make it perfectly clear that if it goes any where, for any reason, no questions asked, you get it first - either freely given or you buy it from them.

    It is only one gun. Is it rare? Is it one that you have always wanted?

    Definitely something to think about. But, like mentioned before, is it worth potential bad blood between family?

    Good luck in your decision and again, sorry for your loss.
     
  12. RVTECH

    RVTECH LaPine Well-Known Member

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    100's of them
     
  13. orygun

    orygun West Linn Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    Wow! Glad I'm not in your shoes...

    If you think she just wants to sell it, tell her it's important to you that it stays in the family and offer to buy it from her. If you really think she wants it cuz it was Dad's, ya ought to give it to her.

    If you think she just wants to give it away or sell it, but won't sell it to you, tell her to take a hike.

    I'm a pretty sentimental guy, but don't have much patience with people that are trying to make a fast buck by playing the "pity card".
     
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  14. AMT

    AMT Vancouver, WA. Gold Supporter Gold Supporter

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    You posted this prior to me hitting the "Post" button.

    If this is the case, KEEP IT YOURSELF. Don't let it go to her. (wouldn't let it go to anyone like this, honestly....)

    If your niece is saying stuff like that, believe her!

    Keep it yourself and tell your sister "when you get her life straightened out she can have it. In the meantime, it is best to keep it in your possession while she is having her "issues".

    Makes her think it is hers, and you get to keep it away from a potentially bad situation.

    If what you posted about your sister is true, keep it in your possession.
     
  15. Joe13

    Joe13 NW of Vancouver Opinionated & Blunt Bronze Supporter 2015 Volunteer 2016 Volunteer

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    Best of luck RV!

    May you find happiness in this in the end.

    I'm going to unwatch the thread tho cuz it hits a bit too close to some of my dealings with family.
     
  16. Just Jim

    Just Jim Well-Known Member

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    Buy it from her, pay as much as you think it's worth then let it all go. I really don't think it's about you, she just thinks it's what dad promised and he loved her too. Seen a lot of this in estates, people equate possessions with love. If only they showed the same love for those who passed on.
     
  17. ZA_Survivalist

    ZA_Survivalist Oregon AK's all day.

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    It should go to the person who would genuinly appreciate it the most..
    If she aint a firearm person Id say tough titties.

    In my family thats how it goes..
    If something is just going to be put in storage or god forbid sold, it SHOULD NOT go to that type of person.

    Id say keep it man. In this case, she seems like shes being petty.. I dont mean that to sound disrespectful.. The same thing has happened in my family and I hate seeing stuff being given to those we know are going to sell heirlooms or just cry for the said items because they're being petty. Its irritating.

    Best of luck man, hope peace and happiness comes with whatever choice you make. :)
    (P.S.. Keep it ;))
     
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  18. RVTECH

    RVTECH LaPine Well-Known Member

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    How about if I mentioned my sister wanted my dads wedding ring off his deceased finger minutes after he passed?
     
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  19. orygun

    orygun West Linn Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    All the more reason to keep it.
     
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  20. CoastRange57

    CoastRange57 Western Oregon Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    If you can't screw you own family over ..who can you ??

    My wife dealt with the passing of her mother in November, and had to work with her sister who she had a decent relationship with up until that point. Her sister being a money grubbing miser worked this strictly for the dollar. Her brother asked me what I was doing digging one of her geraniums my wife wanted, I told him what does it matter and we proceed to back an forth for a few minutes.

    Changed my relationship with my inlaws forever. I would not walk across the street to piss on their yard now. My wife has not spoken to them in 3 months now. All this after their younger sister fleeced Mom for huge amounts of cash.

    I have detailed directions on all my firearms, especially the heirloom ones and virtually every other thing I own that needs to go to family. Notarized and sealed in my safe and lawyers office. Every child has one as well.

    If she is a bit off upstairs, no way am I giving her the gun. If your relationship is contingent on this gun possession, then it sounds a bit fragile to me. It is basically not if the relationship is going sideways,, but when and how far off the rails it is going..it IS going to happen. . Good luck

    Edited for language - Joe Link
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2015