A Somewhat 'Serious' Moral Delema I Am Facing...

[CoastRange57]

How about if I mentioned my sister wanted my dads wedding ring off his deceased finger minutes after he passed?

Well now that changes everything. Tell her to go pound sand. You don't need crazy shot like that in your life.

 

[boogerhook]

If that gun was one of your dad's favorites, she might be compensating for something else that she felt missing. And it is very possible that your father promised it to both of you - happens a lot (a good lesson right there: make a will and spell these things out so that your children don't have to "wonder" or fight.). I had that happen in my family. It was not about the money, it was about recognition and unfinished emotional "business" and one of my sisters had this going on. It was sad, because there was no relief for her.

Like others said before, if you can purchase the gun from your sister, and she is happy with the money, you have an easy deal that keeps everyone happy. I am a little concerned that if she is on psych meds, maybe owning firearms is not entirely the best idea, if you catch my drift.

If she is like one of my sisters that is looking for something that was dear to your father, maybe there is something else, other than the gun that you could offer/trade?

Best of luck and condolences ...

 

[RVTECH]

The only 'Wild Card' here is my mom - my mom, while definitely having her own negative issues with my sister (her daughter) over the years, and estrangement, is also very weak emotionally and has NO backbone - and I very well might have to to endure my mom screaming bizarre, irrational emotional excuses just so she does NOT have to listen to my sister - but that is ONLY if she knows about this which I completely suspect she does.

 

[RVTECH]

How about I draft an 'agreement' should she ever sell it, accidentally or intentionally she relinquishes any portion of her inheritance upon our mothers' passing?

 

[BigBull 301]

Tell her to pound sand.
It was a vulture fest when my dad passed away. Three sons and a bunch of guns.
My brothers both sold the guns they inherited from our dad. Just money to them.....still have mine.

 

[308]

Well you tell me - severe depression, on about every psych med there is, a daughter who told her grandma (my mother) "Don't even think of leaving my mom in charge of ANYTHING family wise as she is not responsible money wise", displaying irrational behavior over the years, poor decision making with nearly everything in her life. My father agree? - I can honestly say I doubt it....

Would you sell a gun to a neighbor with all of the dysfunction described above?
Yeah, I don't think so.
So why should a family member be treated any different...guilt, or something?

I believe you've already answered your own questions.

 

[CoastRange57]

How about I draft an 'agreement' should she ever sell it, accidentally or intentionally she relinquishes any portion of her inheritance upon our mothers' passing?

Most of those types of agreements are not worth the paper they are written on, and one with those types of conditions is easily unenforceable in court.

 

[ZA_Survivalist]

Tell her to pound sand.
It was a vulture fest when my dad passed away. Three sons and a bunch of guns.
My brothers both sold the guns they inherited from our dad. Just money to them.....still have mine.

That would make my blood boil! Sorry man.

 

[mrblond]

well, a similar thing happened with my sister when my mom died. she wanted to have one of her guns as my mom enjoyed them so much even though she has never shot one, or really even wants a gun.
That being said though they are all still here in my safe as she never really took any of them.

 

[jluck]

It sounds like you have plenty of reason to keep it. Do what it takes to protect your late father's assets.

 

[forefathersrback]

RVTECH. Sorry about your Pops. When my father passed he had very few firearms. I gave one to each of my four children, leaving none for myself. I have three siblings that I do not talk too, so therefore I did not give them the option to own one of my fathers firearms, I am most certain they would have not appreciated them,and most likely sold them. Now they are used and greatly appreciated! I have a strict understanding with my children that the firearms in which they own will be handed down to their children.
My brides brother sold his mothers handgun, a few months after her death. { we call him weasel lips }
There is no greater gift than leaving your firearms to those that will appreciate them.
The members on this site have given great advice, both sides of the fence I might add. Go with your heart! And.........give it to your daughter. She'll take care of it, forever!

 

[boogerhook]

RVTECH. I have three siblings that I do not talk to...

sorry about that - common though

 

[IheartSig]

I say keep it. Especially if its sentimental to you. It sounds as though the relationship between the two of you is strained and has been for quite some time. All too often people forget that they are important and that their feelings matter too when dealing with family. We tend to overlook ourselves at the cost of protecting familial bond. That's usually a good thing, but not always the right decision.

Also, its clear that the love of firearms and the shooting sport was a bond that you and your father shared. This is how heirlooms are created. I say protect the asset, give her a check and be done with it. in the long run, when you are handing it to your child in many years that will mean so much more than the discontent you are dealing with now.

Just my opinion but I've dealt with a similar issue. Hope it gets better man.

 

[Oregonhunter5]

In the words of the great George Strait, I've never seen a hurse with a luggage rack.

 

[RVTECH]

Thanks for all the good advice. While I am still 'stymied' over this I unfortunately need to ask my mom about this and she what she thinks. The interesting part is IF this is what my dad told my sister then why did my mom not mention it to me? Especially when I told her her what dad said to me - and she did not contest it?

 

[notazombie]

It is possible that your dad told each of you separately that it was yours but without any documentation (will, trust, etc.) it's a hesaid/shesaid. If I found myself it your situation I'd be curious why she wants it. If it's just for the money, I'd offer to buy it at market value because I'd want it for sentimental reasons. If she really feels an emotional attachment to it then I would probably let her have it. Realistically, it didn't cost you anything so easy come, easy go. You can always ask to be first in line if she decides to sell.
If you really feel that she isn't mentally stable enough then either tell her so and refuse to give it up for that very reason or maybe make the gun inoperative (reversible, of course) so she can enjoy the thrill of owning a harmless paper weight.
Most families have someone like your sister. They're difficult but they're still family. In the long run, letting go of a possession is less hassle than dealing with a lifelong family feud.

 

[Mikej]

Wish I had something here RV, but I don't. I've got a feeling though that I have a pile of this shist coming down on me between my brother and I when Mom passes.

What a depressing thread.

Sympathies Mr. TECH

 

[308]

Thanks for all the good advice. While I am still 'stymied' over this I unfortunately need to ask my mom about this and she what she thinks. The interesting part is IF this is what my dad told my sister then why did my mom not mention it to me? Especially when I told her her what dad said to me - and she did not contest it?

I mean no offense to you, so please look past anything that may sound rude in text here, but how old are you and why do you need strangers on the interwebz to help with this moral dilemma? (rhetorical)

You explained the situation and then identified your sister as untrustworthy and mentally unstable. Not just your opinion, but also the opinion of others in her close proximity.

So why the question? Why does "mom" need to be asked or any of us for that matter...

As I implied previously, you would be very wrong...in fact criminal if you were to hand over a firearm to some joker on the street with the sort of dysfunction you have described your sister as possessing.

Based upon what I have read, there is no need to consult anyone...the common sense answer is clear.

However, there may be other forces at play here that are clouding the decision....feelings, emotions, false sense of obligation...who knows but you.


Edited to add:
If you feel compelled to give her the gun, one option would be to remove or disable the firing pin. That way both of you could feel good about the situation. Just a thought.

 

[JRH Oregon]

In the words of the great George Strait, I've never seen a hurse with a luggage rack.

Just heard a new song, Kristian Bush: Trailer Hitch. Just got me thinking about leftover possessions and the drama they can create. When my grandmother died my step-father and his siblings had a big falling out. Sad to see, especially in an already trying time.

Here is a link to the video.
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...dLYFaS_OYnaMBbg&bvm=bv.88198703,d.cGU&cad=rja


RV: I think you pretty much answered for yourself, I say keep it and offer the money if that's what she wants. You can also tell her it would be safer in your safe, assuming you have one, rather than her house if she doesn't have a safe.

 

[AMT]

How about if I mentioned my sister wanted my dads wedding ring off his deceased finger minutes after he passed?

WHOA!

As said previously, you and her were both of his children. Even though siblings may not get along, doesn't mean that a parent didn't love both, and want to pass along something to both of them.

If she mentioned that about his ring, she may truly be heart broken about his passing too. Maybe she just wants anything that was his to keep in memory of him.

Grab the olive branch and talk with her. Mention the fact that she isn't in any frame of mind to own a firearm, let alone have one close.

Did your dad have something else that she may like? Sort of compromise and negotiate. A nice picture of him at his favorite camping/hiking/fishing spot? His favorite whiskey-sipping glass? (just kidding) ANYTHING that was his, and only his, that your guys remember him always having since you were young?

It the talks fall apart, flat out tell her she isn't getting a firearm. She can pick something else and then ASK you about it.

In her mental state, I would suggest it is best to keep a firearm away from her.

Death does bring out the vultures. But there are people that only want a memento to hang on to.

Good luck.