parenting question - kids and chores?

[bugeye]

Thanks to everyone for your responses. I agree with most or all of what has been said so far. I grew up somewhat like how Powermad described. I have tried to raise my kids similarly and ended up with DHS/police at the door more than once.....

Maybe it is you who need to change if this much violence is the only way you can get your way?

The last time I hit one of my now adult kids was 16 years ago, since then I learned that getting my way is not very important, but having a loving relationship with your kids is. This thing between families goes on for a very long time, sacrificing the future because you're angry at a present moment is not very wise, especially for someone like me that gets angry about a dozen times a day. And, as you are well aware, we end up teaching our kids lessons that they may not be able to overcome when they have kids of their own. If we really give it some thought we can usually find a better way, and who deserves 'some thought' more than our children.

 

[MarkAd]

i figured this one out a while ago. Share the quote "IF you don't work you don't eat"

Of course if I didn't do chores I also didn't get allowance or get to go to the movie or have ice cream. I wasn't deprived but if I didn't earn it doing my chores I didn't get it.

 

[USMC1345]

Maybe it is you who need to change if this much violence is the only way you can get your way?

The last time I hit one of my now adult kids was 16 years ago, since then I learned that getting my way is not very important, but having a loving relationship with your kids is. This thing between families goes on for a very long time, sacrificing the future because you're angry at a present moment is not very wise, especially for someone like me that gets angry about a dozen times a day. And, as you are well aware, we end up teaching our kids lessons that they may not be able to overcome when they have kids of their own. If we really give it some thought we can usually find a better way, and who deserves 'some thought' more than our children.

First off, I'm sure you're right on one account. I absolutely agree that I could/need to change, but NOT because I hit my kids, but because every parent has room for improvement. I'm not sure if you acuse me of being violent because of something powermad said, or because I said the police/DHS have come to my home more than once. Either way, you're being a little presumptuous. The authorities that have come to my home were alerted because I would get my kids up nightly to clean their bedrooms when I got home from work at midnight. And not because of an article of clothing on the floor, but because there wasn't a square inch of floor visible. Anywhere.
I have never, ever hit any of my kids ever. Believe that or not. I don't know you, so I really don't care. I would much rather eat any of my .45s than touch my kids. I also wouldn't be on here asking for help if I used violence on them. As a Marine, they know I have the strength and ability to physically make them do anything. That's not going to happen. I watched my mom beat my sister to death very violently over a three year period, until she finally gave up on life right around the time she should have been beginning school. Check the Register Guard around the end of June, 1992. She died right a few days before my birthday that year. My name is Jared Handsaker. Her name was Devyn.
I spent years in foster care before being adopted. I have seen first hand how parents ruin their kids lives. I have voluntarily began family counselling, as well in-home skills training. I knew that having older stepchildren when I was younger was not going to be easy, but it was a choice I made, and I continually put it the effort daily to 'blend' our family and become the family I never had. I do not think that one chore is too much for these kids, but maybe it is. Maybe I should take my money and hire someone to do it? I have done everything I can to not repeat what my mom did, other than just not be a parent.

The following is a link I found to an unrelated story about abuse in foster homes. In the comments section is a girl now named Amy that was in the home with me. That wasn't her name at the time. She changed her first and last name to try to disassociate herself from her past. Also moved to Alaska. I can't blame her, although I took a different route.

<broken link removed>

As far as I am concerned, this thread is done. I got some good ideas and will continue working with my wife to achieve our very reasonable goals regarding children's behavior and the help we expect to get from them around the house. Thank you to everyone who has contributed.

 

[bugeye]

First off, I'm sure you're right on one account. I absolutely agree that I could/need to change, but NOT because I hit my kids, but because every parent has room for improvement. I'm not sure if you acuse me of being violent because of something powermad said, or because I said the police/DHS have come to my home more than once. Either way, you're being a little presumptuous. The authorities that have come to my home were alerted because I would get my kids up nightly to clean their bedrooms when I got home from work at midnight. And not because of an article of clothing on the floor, but because there wasn't a square inch of floor visible. Anywhere.
I have never, ever hit any of my kids ever. Believe that or not. I don't know you, so I really don't care. I would much rather eat any of my .45s than touch my kids. I also wouldn't be on here asking for help if I used violence on them. As a Marine, they know I have the strength and ability to physically make them do anything. That's not going to happen. I watched my mom beat my sister to death very violently over a three year period, until she finally gave up on life right around the time she should have been beginning school. Check the Register Guard around the end of June, 1992. She died right a few days before my birthday that year. My name is Jared Handsaker. Her name was Devyn.
I spent years in foster care before being adopted. I have seen first hand how parents ruin their kids lives. I have voluntarily began family counselling, as well in-home skills training. I knew that having older stepchildren when I was younger was not going to be easy, but it was a choice I made, and I continually put it the effort daily to 'blend' our family and become the family I never had. I do not think that one chore is too much for these kids, but maybe it is. Maybe I should take my money and hire someone to do it? I have done everything I can to not repeat what my mom did, other than just not be a parent.

The following is a link I found to an unrelated story about abuse in foster homes. In the comments section is a girl now named Amy that was in the home with me. That wasn't her name at the time. She changed her first and last name to try to disassociate herself from her past. Also moved to Alaska. I can't blame her, although I took a different route.

<broken link removed>

As far as I am concerned, this thread is done. I got some good ideas and will continue working with my wife to achieve our very reasonable goals regarding children's behavior and the help we expect to get from them around the house. Thank you to everyone who has contributed.

OK, sorry, I had you pegged way wrong, it was the reference to the cops coming, it sounds like you should be giving me lectures on being non violent, and not the other way around.

Consider me properly, and rightfully, shown to be wrong.

 

[USMC1345]

OK, sorry, I had you pegged way wrong, it was the reference to the cops coming, it sounds like you should be giving me lectures on being non violent, and not the other way around.

Consider me properly, and rightfully, shown to be wrong.

No hard feelings

 

[Stick]

When I was a kid the reward for doing chores was a place to live and food to eat, we never got paid for anything we did around the house.
When we wanted money my dad got a second lawn mower and me and my brother drug them around the neighborhood during the summer

 

[Trlsmn]

First off, I'm sure you're right on one account. I absolutely agree that I could/need to change, but NOT because I hit my kids, but because every parent has room for improvement. I'm not sure if you acuse me of being violent because of something powermad said, or because I said the police/DHS have come to my home more than once. Either way, you're being a little presumptuous. The authorities that have come to my home were alerted because I would get my kids up nightly to clean their bedrooms when I got home from work at midnight. And not because of an article of clothing on the floor, but because there wasn't a square inch of floor visible. Anywhere.
I have never, ever hit any of my kids ever. Believe that or not. I don't know you, so I really don't care. I would much rather eat any of my .45s than touch my kids. I also wouldn't be on here asking for help if I used violence on them. As a Marine, they know I have the strength and ability to physically make them do anything. That's not going to happen. I watched my mom beat my sister to death very violently over a three year period, until she finally gave up on life right around the time she should have been beginning school. Check the Register Guard around the end of June, 1992. She died right a few days before my birthday that year. My name is Jared Handsaker. Her name was Devyn.
I spent years in foster care before being adopted. I have seen first hand how parents ruin their kids lives. I have voluntarily began family counselling, as well in-home skills training. I knew that having older stepchildren when I was younger was not going to be easy, but it was a choice I made, and I continually put it the effort daily to 'blend' our family and become the family I never had. I do not think that one chore is too much for these kids, but maybe it is. Maybe I should take my money and hire someone to do it? I have done everything I can to not repeat what my mom did, other than just not be a parent.

The following is a link I found to an unrelated story about abuse in foster homes. In the comments section is a girl now named Amy that was in the home with me. That wasn't her name at the time. She changed her first and last name to try to disassociate herself from her past. Also moved to Alaska. I can't blame her, although I took a different route.

<broken link removed>

As far as I am concerned, this thread is done. I got some good ideas and will continue working with my wife to achieve our very reasonable goals regarding children's behavior and the help we expect to get from them around the house. Thank you to everyone who has contributed.

I didn't realize this was a step child situation, that opens up a whole different can of worms. The noncustodial birth parent can add a whole separate dimension of difficulty to parenting and the shame is what they (noncustodial birth parent) are doing in the end is mentally abusing their child to spite their ex, it's sickening really.

Without even hearing your story I can guess that the noncustodial birth parent called the state to stir up trouble and that is what they came out for.