Quantcast
  1. Sign up now and join over 35,000 northwest gun owners. It's quick, easy, and 100% free!

In need of opinions

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by 2A2Dend, Jan 19, 2016.

  1. 2A2Dend

    2A2Dend .. Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,561
    Likes Received:
    1,848
    I'm at the verbal axe of my wife

    My daughter met a 17 year old boy that is basically homeless
    His father is in prison, for whatever reason, I'm not comfortable with.
    His mother is apparently a drug addict. Specifics I do not, nor care to know.
    The boy (I was told) does not have a SS card, so my daughter (19) was going to take him to the social security to help him out.

    Out of the blue my wife wants to help the kid. She made comment to bringing him into our home until he can get on his feet. I can understand to a degree, he's a kid. BUT, a total stranger. I told her that bringing someone that we don't know the slightest thing about into our home, is not a good idea. I explained to my wife that doing something of that nature is no different than picking up a hitch hiker. It comes with a risk. Not only to the security of our family, also our possessions here-in.
    My first thoughts are, there has to be somewhere for him to go. An aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, grand parents.

    I told her that having a stranger in our space has too much risk factor for all of us. Including our pets. It would have me on-guard 110% and that I was extremely uncomfortable even with the thought. The subject soon turned into a debate. Where-which, I firmly said NO. I am NOT having this. She has since been blowing steam like a raging bull. She made comment that I did not care about the boys well being. Needless to say the wifes fuse is lit and I can not get her to rationalize no matter how I try to emphasize the risk involved.

    I'm FIRM on my decision, so it makes no difference how others feel about my decision on the matter.

    Edited to add, my daughter told me that she would no way bring this kid home

    I'm curious how others would deal with this. Please, by all means, share your opinion
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2016
  2. Joe13

    Joe13 NW of Vancouver Opinionated & Blunt Bronze Supporter 2015 Volunteer 2016 Volunteer

    Messages:
    6,730
    Likes Received:
    10,938
    Oh, Hell No!!!!!!


    I have 18 year old daughter and I would come over and stand with you in this if I wasn't worried your wife would shoot me:confused:.

    Give in now and you'll have that kid until they break up or get married.
     
  3. Larrytpdx

    Larrytpdx Portland, OR Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

    Messages:
    1,095
    Likes Received:
    1,816
    i am 110% behind YOU!
     
  4. Lilhigbee

    Lilhigbee SE Portland Visit Target550.com Gold Supporter Bronze Supporter

    Messages:
    659
    Likes Received:
    1,103
    By all means, stand your ground!!!
     
  5. ZA_Survivalist

    ZA_Survivalist Oregon AK's all day.

    Messages:
    4,653
    Likes Received:
    5,766
    Nope! You are the king of the castle and you have values YOU want/need to uphold.

    A young man in your house with your daughter? NOPE!

    If they want to give him clothes food money or even rides to and from somewhere that's their prerogative however as a house a decision to bring in a stranger, it has to be a unanimous decision.

    They are thinking with their trusting hearts and not their calculating minds. Not every bleeding heart story is your duty as a man or Christian or whatever to have to take care of.
    Sometimes life sucks, but there are PLENTY of programs that'll help a young man out.
     
    tac, mjbskwim, AMT and 4 others like this.
  6. Brutus57

    Brutus57 Skagit County Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,431
    Likes Received:
    5,705
    You are the man of the house, if you are religious, quote the Bible. If not, say, I remember when I was young, I can't afford to risk my family over what this kid's raging hormones might induce. Yes, my love of my life, I don't want my family at greater rusk than we already are. it's because I care.not because I don't care.

    Brutus out.
     
  7. 2A2Dend

    2A2Dend .. Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,561
    Likes Received:
    1,848
    I'm hoping my post/situation gets a lot of response. Not to make me "right" or to "win" the debate, but more for realism under the circumstances.

    Thank for the replies. Keep them coming!!
     
  8. ZA_Survivalist

    ZA_Survivalist Oregon AK's all day.

    Messages:
    4,653
    Likes Received:
    5,766
    You know, depending on his SS card and time until he's 18, plenty of recruiting centers will be able to help the kid out. Honestly going into the service might be the best thing for him and his situation. If he plays it smart he can come out of the service a new man, some money in his pocket and perhaps even the ability to go to college.

    Id run that by the wife and let her know hes almost an adult, with age comes responsibility no matter the past. Between current programs for teenage boys, churches and other various help it should be all he needs to get a leg up until he's 18.

    I hope your wife can realize that what shes asking is potentially dangerous. If he was 10 or under that would be a totally different story. But a 17yo stranger in the house? Its asking for trouble.
     
    jessieD, JRuby, Brutus57 and 7 others like this.
  9. clearconscience

    clearconscience Vancouver, WA Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,591
    Likes Received:
    7,150
    Stand your ground brother. Your families safety comes before their feelings. Helping the kid? Absolutely!!
    You and/or your family could make the difference in his direction in life, However, you don't know how that direction has been influenced to this point.
    He could be a sociopath or he could be an angel. I would put my families safety on hoping he's a saint.

    He's obviously had a rough upbringing and that can push a person in two directions. Doing anything to not end up like the parents, or just getting through life until you jump in their foot steps or worse.
     
  10. Dyjital

    Dyjital Albany, Ore Flavorite Member Bronze Supporter

    Messages:
    4,903
    Likes Received:
    5,853
    You can help somebody but that does not mean you must take them into your home.

    Look at Sweden. They are helping and taking violent people into their home country. Look at the problems.

    If your wife has an issue with you putting your foot down as the protector of the home and saying no then that is on her. You are doing your proper diligence and keeping your home a safe refuge to your family.

    My wife and I have helped people over the years. That does not mean we make a bed for everyone in our home. Nope. We can help from a distance. Where we sleep is our castle and we must know it's safe.

    Sorry it's happening brother.
     
  11. albin25

    albin25 Lewiston Idaho Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,224
    Likes Received:
    4,090
    Be strong.

    Number 1...
    He's not an adult, and unless he can prove that the courts have declared him an emancipated minor, you're looking for legal trouble that could cost you your home and your savings, and could end up putting your own family out on the street.

    Number 2...
    There may be some major reason's he isn't already in foster care that could have to do with his own behavior that he's hiding with a tale of woe.
    ie, his last place of residence may have kicked him out because they were afraid of him.

    Number 3...
    If his mom is an addict she may pressure him to steal things for her. Addicts can be highly manipulative, especially with their children.

    Number 4...
    There's a reason he latched onto your daughter...15 years old girls are easy marks (ask any Bunco cop) because they still believe in unicorns, warm fuzzy pirates, and that Justin Bieber (or whoever is today's equivalent) is just "misunderstood".

    Number 3...
    There's no problem in being helpful to him outside of your home or neighborhood by taking him to CPS or a shelter, whatever...
    ...It's way more than (he says) his own parents are doing for him.

    He's an unknown, adolescent, possibly feral, human male, not some lost, shivering, wet puppy...Human's make lousy pets.
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2016
    tac, Brutus57, Logan Wilson and 11 others like this.
  12. lucifermonkey

    lucifermonkey Portland, OR Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    254
    Opinions are like . . . oh, wait . . .

    Always trust your instincts.
    Kid has made it this far without help. He will be fine.
     
  13. Timbertodd

    Timbertodd Aloha Gold Supporter Gold Supporter 2016 Volunteer

    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    391
    I would say absolutely no. My families safety is the #1 priority.
     
    tac, mjbskwim, Dyjital and 2 others like this.
  14. jbett98

    jbett98 NW Oregon Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

    Messages:
    6,469
    Likes Received:
    7,689
    I would run a criminal background check on him first, then use that information to determine how much help I would offer.
     
  15. Charliehorse

    Charliehorse Cascade Mts - State of Jefferson USA Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    418
    Likes Received:
    938
    Run.
    Help from a distance but I would not bring that rat's nest into my home. Particularly if I had a daughter.


    I was taught a long time ago when I was a young manager and a little too helpful for those on hard times, "we're not life's last hospital". That phrase has served me well.

    If a person has the mustard, you have to give them the opportunity for them to prove it on their own. Over time.

    Even my wife was wise when homeless off the rails back in the 80's were panhandling at stoplights - usually to buy booze. She would only give them food, never cash.

    There are many ways to help this kid - without bringing him into your castle. You and your family's safety is at stake. And your daughter needs to learn to choose wiser. Because you have NO idea of this kid's morals or background.

    Remember the Al Wilson song of The Snake...

    On her way to work one morning
    Down the path along side the lake
    A tender hearted woman saw a poor half frozen snake
    His pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew
    "Oh well," she cried, "I'll take you in and I'll take care of you"
    "Take me in oh tender woman
    Take me in, for heaven's sake
    Take me in oh tender woman, " sighed the snake
    She wrapped him up all cozy in a curvature of silk
    And then laid him by the fireside with some honey and some milk
    Now she hurried home from work that night as soon as she arrived
    She found that pretty snake she'd taking in had been revived
    "Take me in, oh tender woman
    Take me in, for heaven's sake
    Take me in oh tender woman, " sighed the snake
    Now she clutched him to her bosom, "You're so beautiful," she cried
    "But if I hadn't brought you in by now you might have died"
    Now she stroked his pretty skin and then she kissed and held him tight
    But instead of saying thanks, that snake gave her a vicious bite
    "Take me in, oh tender woman
    Take me in, for heaven's sake
    Take me in oh tender woman, " sighed the snake
    "I saved you," cried that woman
    "And you've bit me even, why?
    You know your bite is poisonous and now I'm going to die"
    "Oh shut up, silly woman," said the reptile with a grin
    "You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in
    "Take me in, oh tender woman
    Take me in, for heaven's sake
    Take me in oh tender woman, " sighed the snake
     
    41Slinger, 2A2Dend and U201491 like this.
  16. Sgt Nambu

    Sgt Nambu Oregon Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

    Messages:
    7,577
    Likes Received:
    10,662
    "......you don't care about the boys well being!"

    DamN straight!!!:cool:
     
    mjbskwim likes this.
  17. 2A2Dend

    2A2Dend .. Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,561
    Likes Received:
    1,848
    I would likely not get anywhere in that pursuit, as I'm not a LEO.

    I'm very appreciative for all the responses
    Please keep them coming
    Thank You
     
    Dyjital likes this.
  18. Deavis

    Deavis Mid Willamette Valley Active Member

    Messages:
    694
    Likes Received:
    82
    Excessive risk. Not acceptable.
     
    Dyjital, 41Slinger and 2A2Dend like this.
  19. clearconscience

    clearconscience Vancouver, WA Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,591
    Likes Received:
    7,150
    Tell your wife you can also dress up as the clan at the next black lives matter protest.

    Should he just as safe.
     
  20. jbett98

    jbett98 NW Oregon Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

    Messages:
    6,469
    Likes Received:
    7,689
    You drive him to the nearest police station and say "Do you have a problem with the cops running a check on you?" If he balks, then drop him off on the nearest corner and say "Goodbye, and I don't want to see you again."
     
    maddog, tac, rick benjamin and 2 others like this.