In need of opinions

[Member 5605]

Dyjital's wife says:

1: I've seen it from all angles, my parents brought homeless people in and were cautious etc.

2: you cannot do one thing or the other and steamroll the other spouse. The steamroll here would be to upset the house as it sits and invite a new person in.

 

[irongoat66]

Show your wife how much you care and understand her point of view. Promptly call a preacher from a local church, they have the means and orginasational support to make a lasting result in that boys life. And the risk will be removed from your family. Problem solved

 

[coastal steelheader]

Run.
Help from a distance but I would not bring that rat's nest into my home. Particularly if I had a daughter.

I was taught a long time ago when I was a young manager and a little too helpful for those on hard times, "we're not life's last hospital". That phrase has served me well.

If a person has the mustard, you have to give them the opportunity for them to prove it on their own. Over time.

Even my wife was wise when homeless off the rails back in the 80's were panhandling at stoplights - usually to buy booze. She would only give them food, never cash.

There are many ways to help this kid - without bringing him into your castle. You and your family's safety is at stake. And your daughter needs to learn to choose wiser. Because you have NO idea of this kid's morals or background.

Remember the Al Wilson song of The Snake...

AMEN!
As Charliehorse said, make him prove it - and keep him at a distance.

I work with kids like this every day, and before that I worked with kids down at the infamous Green Hill School until I burned out working in that craphole. These kids turn into expert manipulators, especially if they have been on the street for any length of time, or if they have gone through the various county and state juvenile facilities and social services. I've seen experienced social workers/investigators, and even very street wise cops get played by kids. And yes I got played on more than one occasion.

You mentioned that your daughter had a change of heart about bringing him home (I haven't read through all the pages yet). Did she say what changed her mind?

Stick to your guns, your instincts are correct.

PS - in regards to the background check, its probably a waste of time and money. If he spent any time in the juvenile system, or had any dealings with DSHS/CPS, he will come under the HIPPA laws.

 

[v0lcom13sn0w]

i agree with you. I would make the same decision.

 

[coastal steelheader]

17 years old
Public schools
School Councilor
Somebody's fed him

That's my feeling too. My guess would be that since his father is in prison, and his mother is an addict that he and his siblings have been getting services for most of their lives.

 

[Joe13]

I'm at the verbal axe of my wife

My daughter met a 17 year old boy that is basically homeless
His father is in prison, for whatever reason, I'm not comfortable with.
His mother is apparently a drug addict. Specifics I do not, nor care to know.
The boy (I was told) does not have a SS card, so my daughter (19) was going to take him to the social security to help him out.

Out of the blue my wife wants to help the kid. She made comment to bringing him into our home until he can get on his feet. I can understand to a degree, he's a kid. BUT, a total stranger. I told her that bringing someone that we don't know the slightest thing about into our home, is not a good idea. I explained to my wife that doing something of that nature is no different than picking up a hitch hiker. It comes with a risk. Not only to the security of our family, also our possessions here-in.
My first thoughts are, there has to be somewhere for him to go. An aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, grand parents.

I told her that having a stranger in our space has too much risk factor for all of us. Including our pets. It would have me on-guard 110% and that I was extremely uncomfortable even with the thought. The subject soon turned into a debate. Where-which, I firmly said NO. I am NOT having this. She has since been blowing steam like a raging bull. She made comment that I did not care about the boys well being. Needless to say the wifes fuse is lit and I can not get her to rationalize no matter how I try to emphasize the risk involved.

I'm FIRM on my decision, so it makes no difference how others feel about my decision on the matter.

Edited to add, my daughter told me that she would no way bring this kid home

I'm curious how others would deal with this. Please, by all means, share your opinion

Just realized your in WA.

If your in Clark county then my wife could probably send you to a few people for help. She works with the Juvenal Court and at risk youth.

Convo me if that's of any interest.

 

[2A2Dend]

Thanks for the added replies
Apparently from Lewis Co., My daughter has known of the kid for near a year, and said he IS in the system. Running the kids name, nothing. Speaking with my daughter more, I learned he lived with other family members. Brother, sister, aunt, etc. I don't know the actual, but apparently he has a buddy. A Pitbull that means more to him and he's not willing to part with. Understandable, however, decisions, decisions on the kid whether he wants to part with the dog to better the outcome for the both of them. I was told he lived with all the relatives at some point, and for whatever reason is no longer welcome.

RED FLAG

The kid has a SS#. Just no card apparently.
Unfortunately, I heard enough when I posted my OP. Knowing what I found out since, re-enforces my decision to stand firm. If my wife and daughter still wish to help from a distance, this means of help I can accept. Meanwhile, that damn steam is HOT!

 

[oli700]

go with your gut man

your wife is a great person but she isn't seeing the possible repercussions clearly or is willing to accept the repercussions
The possible repercussions , no matter how remote are still possible
When it comes to your family and household you cant bank on maybe

I bet if you two thought hard you could help in many ways to help without actually housing him under your roof and work towards a compromise....because its all a series of compromises for the common good of the relationship anyway......strive for win win

 

[mjbskwim]

I'm at the verbal axe of my wife

My daughter met a 17 year old boy that is basically homeless
His father is in prison, for whatever reason, I'm not comfortable with.
His mother is apparently a drug addict. Specifics I do not, nor care to know.
The boy (I was told) does not have a SS card, so my daughter (19) was going to take him to the social security to help him out.

Out of the blue my wife wants to help the kid. She made comment to bringing him into our home until he can get on his feet. I can understand to a degree, he's a kid. BUT, a total stranger. I told her that bringing someone that we don't know the slightest thing about into our home, is not a good idea. I explained to my wife that doing something of that nature is no different than picking up a hitch hiker. It comes with a risk. Not only to the security of our family, also our possessions here-in.
My first thoughts are, there has to be somewhere for him to go. An aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, grand parents.

I told her that having a stranger in our space has too much risk factor for all of us. Including our pets. It would have me on-guard 110% and that I was extremely uncomfortable even with the thought. The subject soon turned into a debate. Where-which, I firmly said NO. I am NOT having this. She has since been blowing steam like a raging bull. She made comment that I did not care about the boys well being. Needless to say the wifes fuse is lit and I can not get her to rationalize no matter how I try to emphasize the risk involved.

I'm FIRM on my decision, so it makes no difference how others feel about my decision on the matter.

Edited to add, my daughter told me that she would no way bring this kid home

I'm curious how others would deal with this. Please, by all means, share your opinion

All I can say is keep lots of notes and video record everything...hey this could be a great movie or mini series for TV.
I didn't even finish your post(I'll go back) and I can say HELL NO. Best thing to do ,if you want to elp is give "it" some money to get his own place and tell your daughter to take off the rose colored glasses and be very careful
Maybe tell the wife that also.
This will not end well

 

[Member 34319]

It sounds like your in a good relationship with your wife and children. Have a sit down together, without the boy. Have everyone play their cards. Bring backup if needed, a friend that shares your ideas, and see if they further understand. Be firm, a ensure them that you do not want this. A good married woman will understand your disagreement means something. If not, there may be further underlying issues in my opinion.

I would never let this person enter my home without proving themselves 1st. I would help, until it hurts, but stay firm on not allowing them free refuge. Once I knew him better and could make a better decision, I would possibly look at thinking about taking him in.

 

[mjbskwim]

These kids turn into expert manipulators,

Working downtown Tacoma and Seattle you find there is no better salesman than a drug addict looking for his next fix.
I would have to treat him like a drug addict,myself,until he proved otherwise.If mom is an addict,then there is a good chance he will have that problem also.Living on the streets,there aint much else to do and drugs are everywhere.
I would put the Kibosh on my daughter spending much of any unchaperoned time with him
17 yo boys are tricky and I bet he has lots of great stories

And someone said something about hard to get them out? Can be very hard
Or it can be kinda risky.You have to really watch just dragging him out .Laws don't help the home owner

 

[DuneHopper]

Working downtown Tacoma and Seattle you find there is no better salesman than a drug addict looking for his next fix.
I would have to treat him like a drug addict,myself,until he proved otherwise.If mom is an addict,then there is a good chance he will have that problem also.Living on the streets,there aint much else to do and drugs are everywhere.
I would put the Kibosh on my daughter spending much of any unchaperoned time with him
17 yo boys are tricky and I bet he has lots of great stories

And someone said something about hard to get them out? Can be very hard
Or it can be kinda risky.You have to really watch just dragging him out .Laws don't help the home owner

Thats true and WA has some bizarre and tough occupancy laws and family laws.
Crazy state on some there stuff, one particular law is if a women has kids from another man.
She meets another guy and they all move in together ( not married ) and they breakup the woman can sue for child support the man that is not even the father. With that in mind id be very careful especially as a minor involved.

 

[Joe13]

I'd recommend you buy a new gun for yourself to help reimburse yourself for your pain and suffering you've been thru in the last 24hrs.

Preferably something in a caliber that starts with .50

 

[BBQ Guy]

Nope.
No way.
Wouldnt want him trying to schtoop my daughter under my roof, or if that doesnt work, trying to bang the wife.
Then there is the access to the house, layout, and list of valuables. Kids are stupid these days, if he can list off a house of valuable stuff to appease or impress someone then you gotta deal with that.
Most importantly, I am biased. I think families that have a history of criminality, typically continue that history from one generation to the next. That coupled with a mother wrapped up in drugs. It just is not a good idea and likely a bad idea looking for a place to call home.
Stand your ground. If they insist on offering help and assistance, do it at a distance. Maybe offer the kid a hand when you have some hard labor work for him. Hire him to do it.
He may only a need a positive role model for a little bit to get his crap together. You could be the catalyst in doing so. But i would tread lightly in that endeavor.

 

[2A2Dend]

Nope.
No way.
Wouldnt want him trying to schtoop my daughter under my roof, or if that doesnt work, trying to bang the wife.
Then there is the access to the house, layout, and list of valuables. Kids are stupid these days, if he can list off a house of valuable stuff to appease or impress someone then you gotta deal with that.
Most importantly, I am biased. I think families that have a history of criminality, typically continue that history from one generation to the next. That coupled with a mother wrapped up in drugs. It just is not a good idea and likely a bad idea looking for a place to call home.
Stand your ground. If they insist on offering help and assistance, do it at a distance. Maybe offer the kid a hand when you have some hard labor work for him. Hire him to do it.
He may only a need a positive role model for a little bit to get his crap together. You could be the catalyst in doing so. But i would tread lightly in that endeavor.

Like minded in many ways. I've been around the block more than once

 

[Ironbar]

I'm at the verbal axe of my wife

My daughter met a 17 year old boy that is basically homeless
His father is in prison, for whatever reason, I'm not comfortable with.
His mother is apparently a drug addict. Specifics I do not, nor care to know.
The boy (I was told) does not have a SS card, so my daughter (19) was going to take him to the social security to help him out.

Out of the blue my wife wants to help the kid. She made comment to bringing him into our home until he can get on his feet. I can understand to a degree, he's a kid. BUT, a total stranger. I told her that bringing someone that we don't know the slightest thing about into our home, is not a good idea. I explained to my wife that doing something of that nature is no different than picking up a hitch hiker. It comes with a risk. Not only to the security of our family, also our possessions here-in.
My first thoughts are, there has to be somewhere for him to go. An aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, grand parents.

I told her that having a stranger in our space has too much risk factor for all of us. Including our pets. It would have me on-guard 110% and that I was extremely uncomfortable even with the thought. The subject soon turned into a debate. Where-which, I firmly said NO. I am NOT having this. She has since been blowing steam like a raging bull. She made comment that I did not care about the boys well being. Needless to say the wifes fuse is lit and I can not get her to rationalize no matter how I try to emphasize the risk involved.

I'm FIRM on my decision, so it makes no difference how others feel about my decision on the matter.

Edited to add, my daughter told me that she would no way bring this kid home

I'm curious how others would deal with this. Please, by all means, share your opinion

There is no way in hell I would let a 17 year old stranger in to my house to live for any length of time. If I knew more about the boy then I'd consider all options. In THIS circumstance, if your spouse truly wants to help out then she should be an advocate for him to obtain whatever resources are available to him, starting with Child Protective Services. As for having him in the home, no f-ing way. Not going to happen. This is one battle I would absolutely not give in on.

 

[mjbskwim]

starting with Child Protective Services

Start with the military like some said before.
If he can't make that then he should be on his own.

 

[OLDNEWBIE]

Start with the military like some said before.
If he can't make that then he should be on his own.

17 and homeless so he's probably a dropout. I think all the Branches require a HS Diploma now.
His mom would also have to sign him in like mine did way back when I joined at 17.
Others have said it too but at 17 he's a minor and taking him in to live with you could get you under a legal microscope.

 

[CoastRange57]

Start with the military like some said before.
If he can't make that then he should be on his own.

Not like it was back in the 70's when f ups were told join the service or go to jail. I knew more than one guy who beat dope raps or some other stuff by joining the service. If you could do 1 push up you were good. Diplomas, piss tests and other things were not required.

17 year olds with no SS number,not in school and diploma or GED are not going to be good Delayed enlistment program materials and the recruiters are not going to work on them very much. Hell of a lot better prospects out there anyway.

 

[Doc In UPlace]

Background checks will not tell you about aberrant behaviors, or other social deviant behaviors

Well, this is not accurate. It may be in Oregon, which has very different access than we do here.

In a post above, I provided a link to WSP's database for criminal convictions and Washington Court records, which WILL show all convictions, civil commitments and non-civil actions. I also advised I can help with dockets and outcomes, which we can filter with his DOB, using the SCOMIS and JIS terminals I have in my agency.

WA case numbers are coded and the case number itself will tell us if it's civil, criminal, domestic, juvenile defender, juvenile dependency, adoption or judgment.
...in fact most WA court records are not indexed by SSN. We filter by first, middle, last and DOB. JIS cases will also tell us the physical description of the defendant and address at the time of the filing.

So- to say these indicators "will not tell" anybody "about behaviors" is, in Washington State, with my access, not true. If we see 7 criminal cases with this subject as a defendant, regardless of the outcome, what would that tell you? Do we really need to see the transcripts?

You might want to take a closer look at the links I provided. At any rate, good luck.