How Did You Get Your Motivation Mojo Back?

[arakboss]

If you lost your motivation to generally do stuff and get stuff done, how do you get it back?

I have discussed my lack of motivation in various threads more recently in the dopamine thread. I believe that was just another excuse to blame for my lack of motivation/desire. Previously I have thought it could my low testosterone, diet, poor sleep habits, aging, etc. Those are all excuses that haven't panned out to the problem. I am in a many years long rut of not having the desire or motivation to do much of anything outside of going to work, hanging on the internet, sleeping and eating.

Edit: My wife is a half foot shorter and weighs significantly more than I do, has sleep apnea, eats a terrible diet, has an office job, rarely exercises and probably has a lower level of testosterone than I do. Despite all this she was promoted at work, works overtime, completed a lengthy leadership class (for work) that involved lots of homework, frequently goes out with friends, went on vacation to mexico recently and generally gets stuff done with out procrastinating. She is essentially proving to me that what I have offered up as excuses are not valid reasons for me not getting stuff done.

If you were ever in a similiar situation and snapped out of it (without pharmaceuticals), how did you do it?

My hope is to find a solution that leads me to want to get stuff done, not ways to force myself to get stuff done.

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[LDmax]

This may or may not be helpful to you, but I'm in a similar boat and I think isolation has something to do with it. Zoom-era college student with no close ties

 

[arakboss]

This may or may not be helpful to you, but I'm in a similar boat and I think isolation has something to do with it

It's possible but personally I am not stuck in isolation against my will. I often turn down opportunities to get out and about. I actually enjoy isolation especially here at work. I have made attempts in the past to get out and do stuff with the wife and others but, I have to force myself to do it. Fetching NWFA classified purchases is one area I find is easier to get out for but that is not sustainable nor very productive. My wife just went out to breakfast with an ex-coworker/friend, who I have met and like. I was invited and the wife would have paid for my meal but I didn't feel like going. It upsets the wife but she gets over it. Same goes for visiting her family in Roseburg area. I usaully pass on going with her but went on her last trip down there. We visited with three different brothers, her mom, two different nieces and two uncles. That is about 5 years worth of visiting condensed into two days. My visiting neurons in my brain went into serious overload.

Caulking the top of the kitchen cabinets probably doesn't involve to much social interaction but my wife has been wanting me to do it for a couple of years now. I am still working up to it. Maybe after I clean off the treadmill for the umpteenth time and clean up my garage space. I'm aiming for completion by 2030.

 

[oremike]

Get a dog. Seriously best thing I've done for my health and mental well being.

 

[arakboss]

Get a dog. Seriously best thing I've done for my health and mental well being.

We have one and love her dearly. She is a very spoiled mutt.

 

[CamoDeafie]

There's a mental block of some kind. I too have struggled with a lack of motivation to get around to doing specific things that I have a desire to do, and I use various similar excuses (poor sleep, child rearing, other errands/duties to do, financially unable to get certain supplies, things like that) but it really comes down to a specific lack of motivation (why/why not/why bother)
Maybe you could talk to a doctor about this?

There is a possibility of ADHD symptoms but not necessarily full blown ADHD diagnosis, talk to a specialist doctor about that.

For me it goes kinda like this, sometimes
-I'm awake, I want to do something
-my wife and kid are asleep, so don't interrupt their sleep
-okay, kid is awake, lets feed and change her
-turn tv on to her favorite YT videos or movies
-make sure she doesn't hurt herself
-wife still asleep
-take kid with me, do little shopping, or exercise depending on weather
-feed myself in addition to kid
-do household chores if any
-wife awake
-tired enough, gonna nap
-look at my sewing stuff
-work things out in mind what I need
-too many things needed
-leave machine alone
-go back to browsing internet for ideas
-play simple games on phone
-help wife with kid
-take both out for errands if needed
-make dinner
-decide I'm gonna get started on sewing
-looks at time, decide its not enough time before Quiet Time
-machine stays off
-give kid bath
-get ready for bed

And so the cycles starts again, but maybe not sewing, maybe swimming. Maybe not sewing, maybe hiking. Maybe not hiking, maybe day trip. And so forth.

 

[Andy54Hawken]

Maybe....
Start slow / small.

Set a goal or plan for a day...or half day...maybe even hour by hour.
Completing a goal or accomplishing a task , even a small simple one , may give you a boost.

Also try to keep the goals / plans realistic and focused.
Focused as in what is it that you really want.

Something to consider here too is :
Just what or who are you comparing yourself to....?
You are you....comparing yourself to others , can lead to disappointment .
Do what is right for you ....what is good for you....and not worry so much about what others are doing.
( without self harm or harming others )

Andy

 

[arakboss]

There's a mental block of some kind. I too have struggled with a lack of motivation to get around to doing specific things that I have a desire to do, and I use various similar excuses (poor sleep, child rearing, other errands/duties to do, financially unable to get certain supplies, things like that) but it really comes down to a specific lack of motivation (why/why not/why bother)
Maybe you could talk to a doctor about this?

There is a possibility of ADHD symptoms but not necessarily full blown ADHD diagnosis, talk to a specialist doctor about that.

For me it goes kinda like this, sometimes
-I'm awake, I want to do something
-my wife and kid are asleep, so don't interrupt their sleep
-okay, kid is awake, lets feed and change her
-turn tv on to her favorite YT videos or movies
-make sure she doesn't hurt herself
-wife still asleep
-take kid with me, do little shopping, or exercise depending on weather
-feed myself in addition to kid
-do household chores if any
-wife awake
-tired enough, gonna nap
-look at my sewing stuff
-work things out in mind what I need
-too many things needed
-leave machine alone
-go back to browsing internet for ideas
-play simple games on phone
-help wife with kid
-take both out for errands if needed
-make dinner
-decide I'm gonna get started on sewing
-looks at time, decide its not enough time before Quiet Time
-machine stays off
-give kid bath
-get ready for bed

And so the cycles starts again, but maybe not sewing, maybe swimming. Maybe not sewing, maybe hiking. Maybe not hiking, maybe day trip. And so forth.

I think ADHD could be a component, my wife thinks it could be depression. I know how the mind docs work and it's pretty much a guarantee that they will diagnose you with something that requires mood meds and or repeat visits. I would rather fix this without their help.

If I am honest with myself, it has been a problem since childhood. I have always procrastinated and did just enough to get by or less. I dropped out of high school in the middle of my junior year with 7 credits to my name. Eventually I got my GED but only because it was easy to do and my first wife and her Dad were pushing me to do so.
I only got my drivers license because I got caught driving by myself with only a permit and I thought the judge would be more lenient if I had my license before I went to court. I spent tens of thousands on cars and car parts for many different vehicles during my teens, 20s and 30s. I never really finished any of the projects. I would be living large right now if I had invested that money in the stock market instead of wasting it on cars. The cabin property and gun stuff has replaced the car hobby as the latest money suck. At least the cabin property will provide a place for me to live when I am so old I can't work any more.

Ultimately there is really a lifelong practice of underachieving that needs to be replaced. On one end of the spectrum there was the Valedictorians, on the other end there was me.

 

[Aero Denezol]

If you're struggling to get traction, make one (1) small very easy change and do that every day for a couple weeks. Even if it's just getting the mail every day. After that take on another small very easy change for a couple weeks.. Over time (and time goes quick) you will see big changes. There is a compounding interest effect with behavioral changes.

Best of luck

 

[Hueco]

If you go to a doc, they're going to want you to rule out the obvious stuff. Diet, exercise, sleep, food.

If you are struggling with depression, perhaps talk to a psychologist or buy a book that will walk you through CRT techniques.

I know you said you don't want to consider medication, but I would suggest you check out bupropion. It's a norepinephrine & dopamine reuptake inhibitor. It's commonly used to help people stop smocking or for seasonal depression. Low dose, extended release tablets are available, so moderate use on a shorter time scale will mean less of a withdrawal than comparable SSRIs.

I've got an obsessive/addiction style personality and far too many things that I want to do. Yet, a laundry list of to-do's leaves me paralyzed and depressed, as it feels like I'm not making progress in my life or with what I want.

Personally, the hardest thing for me to do is say NO to things. Example, my wife says, I could use an extra shelf for my resin work. My first though: easy, I'll build you one. Except I've already got 4 other projects that need to be built, along with 2 guns, a backlog of video games that's now 7 titles deep, haven't seen a movie in forever...

What's helped is planning...and boy oh boy do I hate planning. I hate schedules. I hate lists. But at the same time, it's the only way that I've found to effectively make time and space for everything, to say no to things or reprioritize effectively, and feel accomplished by actually finishing what I start.

I don't stick to the regimen every week...but I do notice, my weeks are better when I do.

 

[CamoDeafie]

If I am honest with myself, it has been a problem since childhood. I have always procrastinated and did just enough to get by or less.

Sounds very similiar to my own life story at least that part. Was "Talented and Gifted" in school; was considered for AP classes... I always found schoolwork to be boring, tests to be meaningless, and the teachers in the 1990s were all "if you don't get into a Lib Arts college, you'd be worthless/never get ahead" I however did have some teachers suggest that I have Attention Deficient Disorder... but I always told them no; its just their lectures and tests were boring. I wanted fun challenges. I didn't want rote memorizing nor standardized learning exercises. Metals, crafts, arts, computer designs, all were more fun for me. Reading is a thing I love to do...

Paintball was one hobby I got into instead of cars, simply because of money.. then military gear and uniforms.. and Lego.. sewing and drawing are still things I like, but agsin, I have a similiar issue with procrastinating, underachieving, and being bored after a while. I suspect you are similiar, you find doing most things to be boring after a while?

 

[Aero Denezol]

Sounds very similiar to my own life story at least that part. Was "Talented and Gifted" in school; was considered for AP classes... I always found schoolwork to be boring, tests to be meaningless, and the teachers in the 1990s were all "if you don't get into a Lib Arts college, you'd be worthless/never get ahead" I however did have some teachers suggest that I have Attention Deficient Disorder... but I always told them no; its just their lectures and tests were boring. I wanted fun challenges. I didn't want rote memorizing nor standardized learning exercises. Metals, crafts, arts, computer designs, all were more fun for me. Reading is a thing I love to do...

This was almost my identical experience. I was TAG, AP, all of that. And I did well in school, because my parents demanded it. And I did graduate from college because I didn't want to be "worthless" (as you said). But it was boring. It was super boring, and I hated school. I still read books and seek out knowledge on my own. But I wouldn't go back to school if it was free, and especially not now.

Young men in this country are increasingly finding a hostile world. They have higher dropout rates in high school, lower graduation rates from college, higher suicide rates, and higher rates of incarceration. Young men are forced to suppress their natural proclivity for risk taking, hierarchy, competition, and high achievement. It has been one big fat failure of a social experiment IMO.

If you are a father of boys, right now your job is more important than ever.

 

[arakboss]

Sounds very similiar to my own life story at least that part. Was "Talented and Gifted" in school; was considered for AP classes... I always found schoolwork to be boring, tests to be meaningless, and the teachers in the 1990s were all "if you don't get into a Lib Arts college, you'd be worthless/never get ahead" I however did have some teachers suggest that I have Attention Deficient Disorder... but I always told them no; its just their lectures and tests were boring. I wanted fun challenges. I didn't want rote memorizing nor standardized learning exercises. Metals, crafts, arts, computer designs, all were more fun for me. Reading is a thing I love to do...

Paintball was one hobby I got into instead of cars, simply because of money.. then military gear and uniforms.. and Lego.. sewing and drawing are still things I like, but agsin, I have a similiar issue with procrastinating, underachieving, and being bored after a while. I suspect you are similiar, you find doing most things to be boring after a while?

I remember being a smart arse with the teachers because I couldn't relate how the subject matter they were teaching would relate to a job. I spent a lot of time at Saturday school, talk about boring. Before I dropped out I enrolled in a CE2 program that had me doing classwork 2 days a week a visiting jobsites 3 days a week. That solidified my desire to drop out and I was working a full time job at 17. Same people I work with/for now only three owners and three company name changes later. I think i was making about $4 an hour when I started in 1988.

I do get bored with projects easily but usually circle back to them eventually.

 

[oremike]

We have one and love her dearly. She is a very spoiled mutt.

View attachment 1179988

Now start taking her for walks, it'll do you both wonders to get outside and play.

 

[BBQ Guy]

It sounds like depression. Coupled with aging.

Go see someone to talk with on a regular basis. Sometimes just having a 3rd party who is indifferent but will listen is all you need. They can offer unbiased suggestions and help you possibly uncover some weird distant block that is creating today's issues.
A counselor is what i speak of. All of them other ones cost way to much and in today's world might just treat you with some mind f**king meds. Always try the path of least resistance first. Which is how you are living life already.
Dont wait until tomorrow to do it. You are asking about it today, so get it done today.

 

[made in china]

I have similar issue as OP.

I have found, in my case, it is related to my physical health. Currently in a rut, but back in 2019 I was frequently riding my bike to work, weighed 20 pounds less, and felt light and agile with a more positive demeanor. Prior to that, I was overweight and unmotivated.

I fell off the good routine when a medical condition permanently affected me. I should just shrug it off and get back to my 2019 self, but I keep finding excuses.
Yeah I drag butt big time these days, and I have a hundred excuses to go along with it.

 

[arakboss]

I have similar issue as OP.

I have found, in my case, it is related to my physical health. Currently in a rut, but back in 2019 I was frequently riding my bike to work, weighed 20 pounds less, and felt light and agile with a more positive demeanor. Prior to that, I was overweight and unmotivated.

I fell off the good routine when a medical condition permanently affected me. I should just shrug it off and get back to my 2019 self, but I keep finding excuses.
Yeah I drag butt big time these days, and I have a hundred excuses to go along with it.

Excuses are great, you can put off pretty much everything with the right excuse.

 

[SonicBlue03]

Sounds like depression, and a lot of the variables you've listed can both be a causal item as well as an outcome of. A few people have said "start small" and I agree. Pick something, and start doing it. You will have made a difference. Keep doing it, then build on it. Momentum can very well carry you.

Jordan Peterson talks about it in 12 Rules. Wake up and make your bed. You've now done something to better your living area.

It sounds trite, but it isn't. Stay strong, man. You can beat it.

 

[albin25]

I find a schedule helps to get me off of my butt...
....and little sequential rewards built-in to motivate myself to do stuff.

ie...
- Make the bed properly to deserve to make coffee.
get washed-up/dressed to earn the right to drink that coffee and make/eat breakfast

- straighten up the kitchen after breakfast to earn a second cup of coffee
tidy up the family-room to deserve to drink that second cup watching TV.

- change the clothes hanging on the exercise bike so my wife thinks I've used it (god, I hate that thing) to earn the right to instead, walk around the neighborhood and chat with the cows.

stuff like that... it's what finally got me moving after my (Oh woe is me) stroke
(its been over 5 years and I still often need to fight to get my butt in gear ... )

 

[slimmer13]

Make your bed