Brother's wife adamant about him not carrying..any advice?

[Placentajustice]

What up yos! So, the title say it all. My brother is a CO at OSP and has been thinking of getting a cwl for a while now since he's occasionally ran into a few inmates that have be released. So far his run in's have been friendly, but its possible not all will be.

We just recently started looking at guns, and his wife is adamant about him not carrying a 'lethal' weapon. She wants him to carry a bb gun or paintball gun instead. I told her this was a horrible idea because if you need to draw a weapon, it should be in a life or death situation, and you don't want to be drawing a bluff in that situation.

I think her fear is my brother will shoot someone when its not warranted. I've explained that in order to make sure we are justified in shooting when or if we have to, we would constantly be going through training (OFA Classes for the win!!) not only for shooting and tactics, but for understanding the law and simulated situations that help us understand when its appropriate to draw and/or fire.

Has anyone experienced similar feeling from their significant others that they eventually were able to persuade to see the pros of carrying? Any suggestions to help bring his wife around? any comments from wives that were initially reluctant to the idea of their husbands carrying but eventually changed their minds would be great.

Read More

 

[codeman583]

my wife was against it for a while, but in traveling for work she's been more comfortable having one close realizing what it can do to ensure the safety of her and our daughter.

this is unfortunately something that is typically because of anti-gun sentiment when she was growing up, and in that case it will take time. pulling it on a bluff is not necessarily a good idea. read the post started by benny503, he talks about it even when a shot was fired the people still wanted to be confrontational.

show her your doing classes together, and are being mindful and responsible if she is still against it then you can agree to disagree... in his case as working in the "system" it should almost be a requirement that he has something for protection...

 

[TonsOfOregonBrass]

Wish i could help on this one, but my wife was all for it. My brother in laws wife, wasn't for it when he got his. but he just did it anyway.

 

[gunnoob75]

Best advice I can give; Just do it.

She'll eventually get comfortable with it.

 

[56kninja]

If it's just an anti gun ideology, screw it. He should do it anyways. But if he's got anger issues then he shouldn't be carrying a gun.

Simple as that, IMO.

I'd also worry about the fact that he's a CO. Sometimes people get caught on their power, (plenty of psychology experiments have shown this.). Use your discretion on this.. If he's someone who has anger and control issues, then it should show.

 

[Hendo]

My suggestion may not work for this wife but worked for my girlfriend.
She was very uncomfortable with my CC. I told her to start with I would not carry when I was with her. Nuts - I know. How could I protect her and me.

I persuaded her to join me at an indoor range to see what the gun and shooting was like.
She tried a .22 and turns out she is a better shot than me. (she has better eyes and that's the story I'm sticking with). Well now she thinks this isn't so bad. She continued with the target shooting and before you know it - my carrying wasn't so bad, she got used to it and became a background habit.
I know getting someone to the range is a hurdle or mountain as well.

I also recommend patience. I let her know her concerns are valid and important to me and my concerns are important to me as well. Partnership is important as it does no good to win the battle and lose the war. Often giving someone room to express their reality and show understanding (not necessarily agree) is the best way to make room for change.

Here's hope.

 

[Cougfan2]

My suggestion may not work for this wife but worked for my girlfriend.
She was very uncomfortable with my CC. I told her to start with I would not carry when I was with her. Nuts - I know. How could I protect her and me.

I persuaded her to join me at an indoor range to see what the gun and shooting was like.
She tried a .22 and turns out she is a better shot than me. (she has better eyes and that's the story I'm sticking with). Well now she thinks this isn't so bad. She continued with the target shooting and before you know it - my carrying wasn't so bad, she got used to it and became a background habit.
I know getting someone to the range is a hurdle or mountain as well.

I also recommend patience. I let her know her concerns are valid and important to me and my concerns are important to me as well. Partnership is important as it does no good to win the battle and lose the war. Often giving someone room to express their reality and show understanding (not necessarily agree) is the best way to make room for change.

Here's hope.

+1 Couldn't have said it better.

 

[raftman]

Don't have a wife, but do have a wife-to-be. Initially she was afraid of guns, to even look at them. Wouldn't even pick up a bb gun, in fact. We've known each other for 6 years now, and I think over that time, she's really come to trust me, my judgment, and my decisions, she even started LIKING guns a little. Taking notice of the fact, I asked her to go shooting with me, she accepted, but was a bit nervous. On that first session, she had a ton of fun, shot very well, and said it was a real thrill and the experience gave her quite a rush.

Seeing that guns aren't just bad things used by bad people, I think allowed her to understand the good behind owning them. She doesn't mind at all now that I carry, in fact she prefers it when I do. She plans on get a concealed carry license of her own, but she doesn't want to right now as she lives with an unstable family member and doesn't think it's wise to have a gun in the house.

 

[kenr74]

Sounds like he is going to be in situations where he might need protection.

Seems like he can be unarmed and dead or armed and hopefully safe. In trouble with the law seems like a better option than dead.

 

[spookshack]

Two options for her:

#1-Allow herself to be shown the light, or

#2-Allow herself to be shown the door!

 

[JumpWing]

I told my wife:

"If you want to discuss firearms, get your facts and sources in order and we'll discuss it. I'm carrying, and that's all there is to it. "

And that's all there was to it. I rarely use the "Man of the House" card on her, and I usually pay for it when I do. That's fine, though, because it really makes me think about what I'm doing before I choose that course of action. Partnership in a marriage is a good benchmark, but sooner or later there will be circumstances where you have to make the decision you know is right, in spite of your wife's ~feelings~.

Did I have to put up with resentment for weeks afterward? Yes, of course. But after hardly a year (of seeing me treating the gun like a serious instrument instead of a toy) we were making plans to go into downtown Seattle for a nice dinner. We would be walking for a few blocks and it would be dark outside on the way there and back so she was a little worried.

She asked: "Will you have your gun?"

My jaw almost hit the floor. I didn't know whether to be mad at her for this blatant hypocrisy or kiss her for finally coming to her senses.
So I just said, very calmly "Yes."

Your wife doesn't want you to be a domineering tyrant, but she does want you to be a man with a spine. And, believe it or not, she considers that to include standing up to her.

 

[Placentajustice]

Thank you for all the responses, very good input and advice to pass on to him.

If he is OSP and she's worried about him having and using an CHL then there is something wrong. What's his character and temper?

I would NOT recomend going ahead with getting it without the wifes agreement. Husband and wife are a team and I would rather have my wife's trust and respect than carry my pistol. It's not THAT dangerous out there yet.

He's a rather laid back guy, and doesn't have much of a temper (at least that I've seen, and we hang out all the time. Granted, I don't live with them). He was a rather timid guy before I got him into Corrections, but due to the job, he has become more confident and authoritive, but I don't think he lets the job/power go to his head.

 

[Gunner3456]

Wow, I'm lucky. My wife grew up on a 4,000 acre ranch in E. Oregon and has always been around guns. She has two brothers and her Dad who were always looking for coyotes or getting ready for hunting. There was always a stocked gun rack in the pickups and in the house. She can shoot fairly well.

She doesn't think anything at all about me carrying.

I wouldn't have a clue what to tell you.

 

[Hendo]

I told my wife:

"If you want to discuss firearms, get your facts and sources in order and we'll discuss it. I'm carrying, and that's all there is to it. "

And that's all there was to it. I rarely use the "Man of the House" card on her, and I usually pay for it when I do. That's fine, though, because it really makes me think about what I'm doing before I choose that course of action. Partnership in a marriage is a good benchmark, but sooner or later there will be circumstances where you have to make the decision you know is right, in spite of your wife's ~feelings~.

Did I have to put up with resentment for weeks afterward? Yes, of course. But after hardly a year (of seeing me treating the gun like a serious instrument instead of a toy) we were making plans to go into downtown Seattle for a nice dinner. We would be walking for a few blocks and it would be dark outside on the way there and back so she was a little worried.

She asked: "Will you have your gun?"

My jaw almost hit the floor. I didn't know whether to be mad at her for this blatant hypocrisy or kiss her for finally coming to her senses.
So I just said, very calmly "Yes."

Your wife doesn't want you to be a domineering tyrant, but she does want you to be a man with a spine. And, believe it or not, she considers that to include standing up to her.

+1 I appreciate what you say as well as my recommendation for patience. One must stand up for what one feels is right and I also would not want my girlfriend to "just do" what I tell her to do. I want her to stand up to me if she feels just as strong about something. Meet me in the middle and let's rassle (so to speak) We now go shooting almost every week.

 

[clearconscience]

He could do what I did. Start mentioning all the crime in the area around you . In detail. There was just a muder suicide less than a half a mile from our place. Not a crazed gunman shooting innocent people but it's people going crazy with guns.
That way she see's the area your in is getting dangerous, also helps her keep an eye out for herself more.
Women always think it's always someone else. That can't happen to me.
My girl the other day after I told her about that incident said to me maybe you should start to carry. And asked if I could teach her to shoot as well. So it's all about getting rid of the scared thinking, guns are bad, and get her comfortable with them, how they work, where's the safety, what laws their are, why it's important.

 

[Hendo]

+1

 

[VinnieBoomBah]

If it's just an anti gun ideology, screw it. He should do it anyways. But if he's got anger issues then he shouldn't be carrying a gun.

Simple as that, IMO.

I'd also worry about the fact that he's a CO. Sometimes people get caught on their power, (plenty of psychology experiments have shown this.). Use your discretion on this.. If he's someone who has anger and control issues, then it should show.

+1 on this. I know he's your brother and all, but maybe you should take a deep breath and ask yourself if she might see something in him that you don't. Or maybe find a quiet time when he's not around and ask her (nicely!) why she feels that way. But that BB gun or paintball idea? Yeah, that's just stupid. :nuts:

 

[Teufel_Hunden]

NO disrespect intended but....I say tell him to Man UP!

He can make a decision like this on his own. She should understand and if she doesn't too bad. Her life is not the (main) one in jeopardy here...

Again NOT any disrespect intended...but I'd just have to do it my way in a case like that!

 

[ob1]

Wow,

I'll join in and say I must be lucky with my wife as well. My wife always asks me if I have remembered my carry piece when we leave the house.

As for your sister in-law, it would seem that she doesn't have a firm grasp of the reality your brother faces every day at work. It sounds like they both need to sit down and talk about what he has to go through to pay the bills. If she still can't understand the personal safety aspect of this issue, it may be time for a little uh.....white lie ?
" Honey, I have some bad news, I know how you feel about me carrying concealed when I am home, but, I just heard that work is going to start requiring us to carry off-duty for safety reasons. It's going to be mandatory most of the time now. The only other thing I can do is quit, but it will be hard to find another job with the economy right now". What do you think ?

This may sound extreme, but he may need to weigh their personal safety against patronizing her gun-phobia. The only other thing I would suggest on this is to get a nice compact carry piece and keep it out of her sight as much as possible to avoid winding her crank any more than necessary.

 

[bolen05]

she may have had that opinion but i wouldn't to know. dont ask- just do it. if she gets upset you can beg for forgiveness (while you continue carry)