Any advice on helping my mom get over the fact that her son owns guns?

[CoastRange57]

Join the Marine Corp. You get some good training, shoot some guns and see the world. Sure, you might get deployed to war zones, but that goes with the job. You get out in 4 years, you have one hell of a GI bill to finish your education, you get preference points in hiring. You come home 4 years older and a lot more experienced and mature. 3 of my 4 sons all served, and all did Iraq and Afghanistan tours. They all are attending college full time, and working full time in good paying jobs. Business Admin major, paramedic and journeyman plumber. The VA is paying for all of it. Not easy for them and not easy for the family,but everyone is a different person after a family member serves, and is deployed in country. That 4 years was truly life changing for them and our family.

You will never be able to replicate the training on weapons you get in the service. We have our own range, and seldom let outsiders shoot. We can never be sure of the level of training, but the military people are always well trained.

I cannot comment on trying to change some ones thinking about guns, nor do I have illusions of such change. You will probably never change her thinking, and it is a waste of time to do so. You would no doubt get a lot of push back if you even try to change her thinking. Compare it to yourself...if someone was trying to change your thinking, and make you an anti gun person, how far would that go with you ?? You would probably tell them to go pound sand right ??

I come from a rural family where we had guns, we hunted, everyone got tags and we tried hard to fill them all. My mother dropped more than a couple deer and elk in her day, and was a good butcher as well. There are over 8 concealed carry permits in our immediate family. 4 of them by females, all 4 of theme 30 years old or less. All very well trained, practice regularly.

Adapt your life, do not try to change her view, it is probably not going to work.

 

[clambo]

You sir just don't get it no wonder why you wish your kid did half of what he's doing. If you are staying home to save money while you better yourself which is great, you should probably just save your money. Why not pay down those school loans quicker, save that money for a deposit for your own place. I highly doubt his mother was really willing to let him have the guns in the first place if so this would be a non issue. That's as real as it gets!

-LazerBlazeR

First....I am not attacking you. Just disagree a little. What my daughter does is what she does. It's not from a poor upbringing, I assure you. She supports herself entirely, as well as my grandson. I just wish she could see the need for more education as opposed to marginal employment for a lifetime. She will get it all figured out one of these days, just not perhaps on my time table. I am guessing here that the young guy in question probably makes just enough to cover what he already spends on rent, school, transportation etc. Saving a thousand or so bucks over a few years as it sounds like he has described, would not help pay down school loans any quicker in any meaningful sense. Nor would it make much of a dent in changing his housing situation. finally, I just reread his post for the fourth time. Nowhere does it say that she did not know about his guns or disagree to them in the beginning. In fact, she agreed provided he followed security precautions.

People that want or have kids pray that their kid turns out as good as this guy did. A few do, a great many do not.

 

[renfield]

I don't think it an argument your going to win. Have you considered taking her shooting? I don't advocate lying but the last resort maybe telling her you sold it then keep it out is sight.

Don't lie to your parents about keeping guns, they will end up trusting you even less when they eventually find out. I would recommend respecting your mothers wishes and moving your handgun on (you can pick one up easily enough at a later date). Or ask your mother to list her requirements in order to allow you to keep it, and weight the cost up.

 

[Netspirit]

Attend a handgun safety class together, preferably one where people get to shoot something.

After that, talk to her. Nobody knows her better than you (and your father, and her own parents if they are alive), definitely not us forum strangers.

 

[thorborg]

When in Rome do as the Romans.
Not likely her mind will change about guns. I've known many otherwise good people with the same mentality and though I've tried to persuade would never argue. Sometimes if you want a relationship some things are better left unspoken.
Let her know you have as much a problem as she, since her requirements seem to change. let her know it weighs on your mind to the point of distraction as you don't like causing her stress. Ask her if she would be willing put in writing, like a contract, which you can be held acountable for (and her but don't say that) just what it is that will allow the two of you to coexist without this conflict. let her know You would like to finish school before you move on and that whether you move now, or give up the guns and move later, when you do move you would not want this issue to dampen future relationship. Parents have a hard time viewing their children as adults when there has been no seperation. Adult children still living at home have a hard time understanding the home they lived in all their life isn't really theirs. Avoid the word "you" Keep the conversation as unconfrontational as possible. Ultimately, your at her mercy. Like it or not, "When I pay the bills, I make the decisions. When you pay the Bills, you make the decisions" and if the rolls were reversed you would agree.
Thor

 

[Cuthbert Allgood]

Get your own place. Problem solved. My mother lives 1500 miles away from me. She, like the rest of our relatives, know I own firearms. She's not too thrilled about it but I don't care what she thinks. I could take her shooting. However, I know better than to waste my time since I know it won't change her opinion on anything.

 

[cookie]

I wouldn't be holding your breath. You didn't start early enough the process of breaking your mom! If you broke your mom early enough mom would just accept your gun ownership as a passing fad and not spend the time to worry about your guns. I am 60 years old and have kids older than you. I broke my mom early!!!

 

[BigStick]

You have received some good advice, and some bad. Don't lie to your parents. I disagree with those saying she will never change her mind and trying is useless. You need to dig deeper. She might not even know why she doesn't like guns, and if you just ask that basic question, you won't get the real answer. You need to find out if it is a fear of what they can do, what others will do, what she might do, accidents...

Each of those fears would result in a different method of correcting her emotional reaction. Be gentle and humble in dealing with her, but make it clear how you feel.

Bottom line, it is her house. It is also your father's, but tread carefully when pitting the two against eachother. Try to leave your dad out of it if possible. Your conflict with your mom does not need to cause distress in their marriage.

 

[Mongo1]

Offer to move out if it bothers her that much. Show her all you do for safety. She may allow you to stay if moving out will adversely affect your education? Don't lie to her.

 

[PotshotJim]

It's her home and she is your mom. You lose. Rent a safe deposit box, keep it in a friend's safe, sell it, or move out.
Have you registered with SSS yet? Selective Service System: Welcome

 

[clambo]

SSS ? Oh.....for a moment I thought we had a draft again. Surely he means " Shoot, shovel, and shut up " From an older veteran to a young guy....I don't think this would be a fantastic time in history to join the military. I didn't always feel that way but I don't feel real good about young people getting killed or maimed over nothing. I'll pay the extra $.50 per gallon for the gas. Finish college. If you should decide to join the service later you would go in as a commissioned officer, a much better deal.

 

[jluck]

You have received some good advice, and some bad. Don't lie to your parents. I disagree with those saying she will never change her mind and trying is useless. You need to dig deeper. She might not even know why she doesn't like guns, and if you just ask that basic question, you won't get the real answer. You need to find out if it is a fear of what they can do, what others will do, what she might do, accidents...

Each of those fears would result in a different method of correcting her emotional reaction. Be gentle and humble in dealing with her, but make it clear how you feel.

Bottom line, it is her house. It is also your father's, but tread carefully when pitting the two against eachother. Try to leave your dad out of it if possible. Your conflict with your mom does not need to cause distress in their marriage.

Good advise.

People change all the time. Sometimes to guns and sometimes away. Time it right try to get her to a unpacked range with a .22 (revolver maybe). Challenge her to shoot some targets (reactive ones) and not crack a smile.

 

[Rotty]

Maybe it's time to move out. That way you won't have to deal with her disapproval. Otherwise good luck getting her off of her soap box.

 

[PopsBdog]

It is your mother and her house so you have to respect it. So you got to give in to her wishes.
What ever you do, don't lie. eace:

Maybe this can help.
My wife comes from a hunting family. She can shoot a rifle pretty well. She has never shot a handgun.
I've always had rifles before we were married (25 yrs) When I bought my first pistol, she did not like it.
They make her nervous. To keep the peace I sold it....

I started hunting. Well you need a pistol when you hunt just in case. So my hunting bud would loan me one.
It would come home with me during the season. I got a pistol in the house.
What could she say, she loves venison.

So next thing I did was tell her I was getting a CHL so I didn't have to think how I was carrying that pistol.
She saw me studying safety, laws and courtesy. I got a CHL, then I bought a pistol. I carry almost 24/7.
Now with time plus my being safe, legal and courteous it appears she likes me carrying. :woot:

Handguns are scary until you get to know them. She probably didn't like being surprised.
Take it slow. YMMV

 

[orygun]

I didn't see where the OP said he had to lose the guns or move out. Maybe I came late and it's been edited...

I love my folks and am lucky enough to have been trusted, by both Dad and Mom, to be unsupervised with a .22 rifle when an early teenager. But Mom had never shot a gun until I bought her a Henry .22 rifle for her 72nd birthday.

If I was you, I'd just remind Mom that I keep them locked up and there is no one else she needs to be worried about. "They" can't get to a locked up firearm. No need to be rude. It's your mom after all and you better treat her with respect, but that doesn't mean you have to give up. As a young adult you will be forging your own path and as long as you are respectful and safe, your mom doesn't have too much of a reason to get down on you.

I'd talk to her and see if you can get her to go a little deeper into the subject of why she's nervous with guns. Then you may have issues that you can show how you address them.

Good luck.

 

[schibbyzoltan]

Sounds like you need to grow up and move out! Their house their rules end of story. My next question is why are you spending extra money on guns when you should be supporting yourself? Sounds like you missed a crucial conversation with your folks down the line about responsibility.

-LazerBlazeR

Don't jump to conclusions. I pay my own bills and support myself. Insurance, gas, toll, cell phone, clothes, and anything involving my truck is all me. I have a full time job while attending college, so don't give me that grow up bubblegum, save that for someone who's not being responsible. I've saved up my extra cash from my paychecks and invested that into guns which are a big part of my life. Now don't you give me that, "Well why don't you grow up and move out..." bullbubblegum. I know about responsibility and my role in what I do.

 

[schibbyzoltan]

Yeah, I'm just viewing this since when I posted it and I don't know where the hell these people are getting the idea that I was given an ultimatum or anything like that. And just for a general update and to all you nay-sayers, my parents and I spoke about it for quite some time and my mom has come to allow me to have handguns in the house after some reassurance.

 

[schibbyzoltan]

Get real. It sounds to me like the kid is doing a pretty good job of building a decent life for himself. His post drips responsibility. His mother said she would be " fine " with his guns so long as he followed good safety precautions. He did. There was no mention by mom of a handgun being a deal breaker. Suddenly, mom changes her mind without explanation as they sometimes ( often ) do. I didn't read where there was any lying going on.

He's working a job and going to school. I wish my kid did half of that. I see his options as these: A. Get rid of his guns. Nope. B. Maybe move them off site till he's out of the house. Possibility. C. Tell Mom to stick it and drive on. Probably not the best idea for a host of reasons. D. Move out. Maybe, maybe not. Probably be best to finish school first...why ruin something that's gonna really help him in life by overloading the financial cart. I'm sure his retail job doesn't pay all that well.

I guess if it were me, I would grudgingly move my guns somewhere else for awhile. Finish school. Move out when you can genuinely afford to do that and not have to live like a pauper. That's your best bet I think. Kudos on your work ethic, your safety mindedness, your willingness to bend a little, and your growing gun collection. Don't know what kind of pistol you bought but your .270 Vanguard is a great first choice.

Thank you, I appreciate that you actually took time to actually read it and soak in what it said. And yeah, the .270 was a great choice. My friends dad owns a gun shop and after weeks of trying different stuff, he and I agreed upon that one and I have no regrets whatsoever. And as for the handgun I bought, I purchased a Smith and Wesson 5906 9mm.

 

[schibbyzoltan]

You sir just don't get it no wonder why you wish your kid did half of what he's doing. If you are staying home to save money while you better yourself which is great, you should probably just save your money. Why not pay down those school loans quicker, save that money for a deposit for your own place. I highly doubt his mother was really willing to let him have the guns in the first place if so this would be a non issue. That's as real as it gets!

-LazerBlazeR

College fund, I don't owe a penny to student loans. Ya know, you're kind of an asshat.

 

[lazerblazer]

College fund, I don't owe a penny to student loans. Ya know, you're kind of an asshat.

You are a child, and really need to grow up. Name calling ha amusing, you and clambo are the reason society is so poisoned! You just don't get the principles of the matter, you think you are entitled to do whatever you want when you want. You don't know your roll it shows with everything that you have said. The years ahead of you are going to be a real eye opener! Good luck with life, you watch that name calling bs too, go read the rules!

-LazerBlazeR