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Signs of a crappy country...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by DinhRose, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    I feel like the US has been getting a bad rep for too long now. It's time we poke fun at some other less fortunate countries. In the spirits of Jeff foxworthy let the joking begin:

    You're a crappy country if...

    Your source of running water has crocodiles
    The closest source of water might be underground
    The person on your currency is possibly still alive and at large
    :)
     
  2. dolooper

    dolooper Coast Range, or thereabouts Well-Known Member

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    Your next President will be your current Prime Minister who previously was...your President.
     
  3. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    If you still have "villages"
    Was at one time or currently a part of the USSR
    You were surprised to find out that US citizen are not officially called Capitalistic pigs
    The AK47 is the primary weapon of your armed forces (I'll catch heat for this)
     
  4. sandman1212

    sandman1212 NW Oregon Active Member

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    your whole living area is about the size of my bathroom
    it takes 1,300,254 of your currency to make 1 of mine
    90 degrees in the shade is a nice fall day
     
  5. Doubletap

    Doubletap Newberg Well-Known Member

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    1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

    2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.

    3. You have more wives than teeth.

    4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.”

    5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

    6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.

    7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

    8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

    9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

    10. Your cousin is president of the United States
     
    gallogiro, PBinWA, trainsktg and 19 others like this.
  6. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    Aww double tap came in for the KO with #10

    Stoning women is still an option
    Government officials are openly visiting brothels
    An American Celebrity has performed at your palace
    UN troops are a permanent fixture of your countryside
    You can only use satellite phones
    Houses still have tin roofs
    Your leader has appeared on TV fully armed
     
  7. Redcap

    Redcap Lewis County, WA Well-Known Member

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    My house has a tin roof... :paranoid:
     
  8. jdub75

    jdub75 PNW Well-Known Member

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    ...your (now ex) president sleeps in a tent on the palace lawn.
     
  9. drew

    drew OR Well-Known Member

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    Blood diamonds are a major part of your economy
    They're still exhuming mass graves of your former leader's political opponents
    People burn the currency for heat
    Firing an AK into the air is a common form of celebration
    Your capital is Sacramento;)
     
  10. slingshot1943

    slingshot1943 salem or Well-Known Member

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    Your country sells milsurp rifles that have not been fired and dropped once.
     
  11. jbett98

    jbett98 NW Oregon Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    You wear a flag from another country when traveling away from yours.
     
  12. NuthinFancy

    NuthinFancy Seattle Area Active Member

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    Your national sports are Ice Hockey and Curling.
     
  13. drew

    drew OR Well-Known Member

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    Don't some Americans still wear Canadian Flag shirts or put maple leaves on their luggage?
     
  14. jordanvraptor

    jordanvraptor Oregon City, Oregon Well-Known Member

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    Your toilet is a hole in the ground...
    You wear a clean white shirt that touches your knees...
    You varnish plywood with diesel fuel...
    The dung beetle is your national bird...
    There are more goats and sheep in your country than humans...
    The cool guys put "Type R" on their cars...

    Afghantaxis.jpg
     
  15. slingshot1943

    slingshot1943 salem or Well-Known Member

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    The newest car in your country is a 57 chevy.
     
  16. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    You have a healthy fear of us troops
    Gorillas have a protected sanctuary but your people don't
    The only westerners in your country are mercenaries or ex pats
    The jersey shore has been filmed in your country :)
    Your cars run on mainly unrefined diesel
    Your number one export is illicit drugs
    Your continent resembled south America and/or Africa
    Your next door neighbor has far stricter immigration laws
     
  17. PhysicsGuy

    PhysicsGuy Corvallis, OR Resident Science Nut

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    You do realize that a large portion of the drinking water in the US comes from groundwater....
     
  18. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    I did actually know that but that's the beauty of making ironic broad sweeping statements. Very little of it has to be based in reality. 90% of jokes are funny because of being timely rather than timeless
     
  19. drew

    drew OR Well-Known Member

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    More people in the country have cholera than are literate.
    Smallpox is still prevalent
    You go to the Shaman instead of a doctor
    There are more camels than cars
    It's normal to see tanks rolling down the street
     
  20. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    Save the children has been established in your country
    Your primary mode of transport are donkeys
    The national drink is vodka or some variant there of
    Seal team 6 has officially denied being there
    The people are equally afraid of the rebel and the military
    Half of your political leaders are or have been accused of war crimes
    Food and supplies are dropped off via a C130 cargo planes
    AIDS far outbeats heart disease
    Americans can name more drug lords than Nobel prize winners from your country