Need help with GF mindset. Need game recommendations

[Joe13]

Just my 2¢:

Case 1: my dad - only believes the world only needs a double barrel shotguns... no changing his mind, even with facts and statistics. He lives in a fantasy world.

Case 2: my mom - wants a pistol so she can shoot "at" someone if they break in... won't commit to shooting someone no matter what. I won't help her find a gun and didn't give her the one I had planned too after she practiced with it - no changing her mind.

Case 3: my wife - capable with guns... will pull the trigger if needed. Would prefer not to carry a gun but is open to the idea. Major roadblock is no safe in her SUV and she works in a building that has metal detectors no go until I can find an appropriate safe for her truck.


You can't make someone a potential killer that is dead set against it - with a small minority being the exception. Regardless of reason or facts.


As opposed to games I would get on YouTube and watch the channel Active Self Deffense. He has short and consice videos that he narrates and points out the good and bad things the victims did or could have done. Very visual and shows how fast things can escalate in the real world.

 

[Jonnyuma]

Major roadblock is no safe in her SUV and she works in a building that has metal detectors no go until I can find an appropriate safe for her truck.

That's easy enough to fix:
https://www.amazon.com/Bulldog-Cases-Mounting-Bracket-Cable/dp/B005CGNANG
The ones I have didn't come w the mounting bracket, just the cable but it works fine in my older, non-power seat vehicles. I've only used it a couple of times, it's only there "just in case".
I also keep one in the trunk of my GF's car because occasionally we will stop by a Happy Hour after running some errands together. Gun goes in the box, I hand her the keys (I'm a DUI @ .04 because of my CDL. Thats about one beer... boo) and we enjoy our evening. Since she doesn't have a CHL, having my gun loose in the car could cause problems if not secured properly.

I hear the hyperbole machines starting-up... nobody's getting or driving or messing with guns while drunk. Some appys and a couple of drinks does not turn everyone into a slobbering drunk... it's done as a precaution to avoid any misunderstandings.

 

[nammac]

Lots of good advice here. If you have access to cable or satellite tv, the outdoors channel airs a program on Wednesday's called The Best Defense, where they take real life situations and play them them through several scenarios, pointing out rights, wrongs and what could have been done. Teaching techniques along the way to survive an attack. And better yet, how to avoid one altogether.

I've encountered the same passive issue with my wife, I've had her out shooting, working on accuracy and speed, but she sees no need to carry. She's armed only with pepper spray, which is better than nothing... But that's been a big step for her. I pushed her to get her CHL, if for nothing else, if I should take ill, she could take possession of my EDC and get it home safely...

Expose her to the truth of what happens on the street, show her the body cam footage of officers involved with deadly encounters, so she understands that things change in a nano second...

Or this young lady in Iowa, snatch off the street while out for a run and fouls dead in a field. It happens, the world is full of evil, vile vermin...

 

[11Charlie]

My .02 for what it's worth.

Stay with it and stay CALM! My wife has always been the one to argue with me on guns. Over time I have gotten her to see the light on many things but not all. I am slowly working towards carrying on a regular basis.

Slow and steady wins the race.

 

[Joe13]

That's easy enough to fix:
https://www.amazon.com/Bulldog-Cases-Mounting-Bracket-Cable/dp/B005CGNANG
The ones I have didn't come w the mounting bracket, just the cable but it works fine in my older, non-power seat vehicles. I've only used it a couple of times, it's only there "just in case".
I also keep one in the trunk of my GF's car because occasionally we will stop by a Happy Hour after running some errands together. Gun goes in the box, I hand her the keys (I'm a DUI @ .04 because of my CDL. Thats about one beer... boo) and we enjoy our evening. Since she doesn't have a CHL, having my gun loose in the car could cause problems if not secured properly.

I hear the hyperbole machines starting-up... nobody's getting or driving or messing with guns while drunk. Some appys and a couple of drinks does not turn everyone into a slobbering drunk... it's done as a precaution to avoid any misunderstandings.

It would have to probably be able to be hidden in the middle console because she transports clients in the front and back seats.

She is safe but some clients probably shouldn't even know there is a safe in her vehicle.

 

[Jonnyuma]

I pushed her to get her CHL, if for nothing else, if I should take ill, she could take possession of my EDC and get it home safely...

That's a scenario I hadn't considered.

 

[Mister Bisley]

Just my 2¢:

Case 1: my dad - only believes the world only needs a double barrel shotguns... no changing his mind, even with facts and statistics. He lives in a fantasy world.

Your dad wouldn't happen to be Joe Biden would he?

 

[Jonnyuma]

She is safe but some clients probably shouldn't even know there is a safe in her vehi

If the console has a lock, it satisfies OR's requirements for transport by a non CHL holder... not sure about WA but it's probably similar.
Having to deal with people in your vehicle AND metal detectors is a sticky wicket.

ETA: Heres what I came up with... subcompact kept in an inoccuous-looking portfolio or notebook holster, leather bound or something suitably classy. It can be kept in plain sight without anyone being wise to its contents, and locked away in the glove box or console if entering a GFZ. Off-body carry is far from ideal, but it seems to be that keeping the tranfer of the naked firearm away from judgemental eyes is most important in this case. I don't know what your girl does for a living, but I cant think of a profession where a nice "daily planner" would appear out of place.

 

[Flymph]

Play 911 audio of rapes and murders vs women that had a gun. Clue: only the women with guns talk after the main event. The rest....

I was going to say I don't want to tramatize her, but I actually may have done this inadvertently and my GF has been a lot more open to using firearms in defense recently.

I think the cougar attack was the final straw for her tho. Can't reason with an enraged beast.

 

[Aero Denezol]

My wife grew up with guns in the home and will occasionally shoot with me, but she doesn't really enjoy it. She tolerates my gun hobby because she trusts me and wants me to be happy.

The best thing you can do with wives/girlfriends who are anti-gun is let them see you are a normal person with a sense of humor and not a tin foil hat whacko. Remember, women are heavily engaged with social media. Social media is swarming with anti-gun propaganda BS, designed to make us look like ignorant backwoods hillbilly nazis.

 

[Jonnyuma]

She tolerates my gun hobby because she trusts me and wants me to be happy.

That's where mine is at. I said earlier that she doesn't like guns, period. While that's true, it doesn't make her anti-gun, just indifferent. She tolerates me and even encourages me to get off my azz and go to the range. She often flips me some sh*t over having "all those guns" and not using them.... she has a point, but it's a point I refuse to concede.

 

[ma96782]

I use to be married to a LIBERAL.

Maybe......




Aloha, Mark

PS....when Zombies attack. Who's got your back?

 

[Alexx1401]

That's where mine is at. I said earlier that she doesn't like guns, period. While that's true, it doesn't make her anti-gun, just indifferent. She tolerates me and even encourages me to get off my azz and go to the range. She often flips me some sh*t over having "all those guns" and not using them.... she has a point, but it's a point I refuse to concede.

When I met my Wife she was close to that. She did not own a firearm at all. Had shot one, did not really care. She wanted to go with me just to be included. Bought her a .22 pistol to learn with, then paid for her permit and a .38. Years later she would carry on and off, mostly off. Tried many K worth of pistols, nothing worked for her. What changed her finally was to me an odd one but I'll take what I can get. That scum that shot up that Mall north of us with a .22 rifle. She somewhere saw video of 2 of the victims. One was a woman with her very elderly Mother. The woman was trying to get her Mom to safety and could not get away since the Mom was so slow. Somehow this made Wife picture that being her and her Mother who is in her 90's. She started carrying all the time. I of course could not have been happier. She ended up with one of the small Ruger .22's as her favorite which I of course would prefer larger but again I'll take what I can get.

 

[thorborg]

For most women, it's like asking a rabbit to act like a Tiger. That does not come naturally, only by shear will.
Put a baby in her arms, you may find your tigress.

 

[OldBroad44]

If gf doesn't believe you when you tell her about realistic self defense, she isn't going to believe the same stuff distilled into a card game, and probably wouldn't use the card game.

The idea of shooting in the leg is one many people who are naive about the realities of self defense with a handgun need to get over before they can safely have one for self defense. So start off telling gf some relevant facts. Such as that deer are easier to kill than people, and a deer can run several seconds, a hundred yards or more, after being shot through the heart with any ordinary handgun caliber. This means even a bad guy shot through the heart could plunge a knife into your heart dozens of times or break your neck before dying. A leg shot is even worse, as it is disabling only if you happen to hit an artery. So bad guy has even more time to kill you and may survive himself. A bad guy on drugs may not even notice a leg shot till later. Only a brain or spine shot is guaranteed to be instantly disabling. And brains and spines are hard to hit. So we normally aim for the chest, essentially for heart and spine. But with lungs and other organs in chest plus lots of major arteries, a single center mass shot with a major caliber may stop the bad guy instantly. But it may not. But two or three such shots usually will incapacitate instantly. That's why if you don't want to die instead of or along with your attacker, in self defense with a handgun you put a number of shots center mass. And you don't shoot for legs, arms, hands, shoulders. If you are very good and the situation allows it you might go for one or two head shots and the rest center mass. But most people aren't that good and the situation doesn't always allow.

Things I tell women about the issue of using violence, which is less comfortable for many women then men--

First, I don't believe people should commit suicide. To allow myself to get murdered when I don't have to is essentially suicide. I'm not going to commit suicide in any form, including suicide by bad guy. I'm not stronger than most bad guys, and bad guys may be armed. So I must provide myself with the tools and skills so I'm not a sitting duck for bad guys. This means a gun and armed self defense knowledge and skills.

Second, I ask myself if I would be willing to kill a bad guy to save my husband, child, friend, or other loved one. The answer is "Yes, absolutely". Given that answer, I ask if I myself "Am I not equally worthy of my caring and protection?" Yes, I say. I think I am. So I must be willing to protect myself just as fiercely as I would protect a loved one. Furthermore, a woman with children who has allowed herself to be defenseless against a bad guy is not just showing contempt for her own worth and life. She has also allowed her husband to be widowed and her children to be deprived of their mother.

Third, the role of cops is to catch and punish the bad guy after he has raped, maimed, or murdered you. Even if you live in a city near a police department, the event is likely to be over long before LE could arrive, even if you could call them, which you often can't. If you want to actually PREVENT your being raped, maimed, or murdered, you have to take care of that yourself.

Finally, as a woman, there have often been protective males in my life. And when there were, I appreciated and cherished them. But protective males aren't around all the time. They can't be. They have their own jobs, hobbies, etc. I might feel safe just cause there is a protective male in my life. And I AM safer when he is around. But if I want to be protected the rest of the time, I need to learn to protect myself.

As to gf jumping out of car to help a potentially dangerous stranger--tell her that her doing that could get YOU killed. If she is grabbed, you will have to defend her. With her grabbed you may not be able to use your gun. If bad guy has gun, it will be you he shoots first, not her. Whatever, you are going to have to get out of the car to protect her, if she does. So she must STAY IN THE CAR unless and until both of you have agreed otherwise. Even if she disagrees about the danger, tell her she has no right to put your life at risk without your consent.

By the way, knowing first aid is also a basic survival skill. You might suggest to gf that she learn both first aid and handgun self defense. Becoming more realistic and competent to aid others in both ways might appeal. Point out, as you did, that gf was useless not just to defend herself from the derelict, if necessary, but to do anything to help him if first aid was needed. And sometimes a competent person with a gun is the help that is needed. I once saved a woman from getting raped by chasing away the bad guy. That certainly helped that woman. I've never needed my first aid skills to help anyone. I've used my handgun self-defense skills to save my own bacon thrice. (Two attempted home invasions and one accidentally interrupted robbery. No shots fired.) My mother used her first aid skills to save someone once, and her handgun to protect herself and her children once. (Also no shots fired.)

 

[EPS]

I will keep it short and sweet .
I go over this every time I go to the range with my mom .
She says I will shoot them in the knee or the nuts or the foot.
AND I SAY THAT'S WHY I DON'T BUY YOU A GUN.
IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
TWO TOO THE CHEST ONE TOO THE FACE.
AND REPEAT IF HE IS STILL MOVING

 

[nammac]

If gf doesn't believe you when you tell her about realistic self defense, she isn't going to believe the same stuff distilled into a card game, and probably wouldn't use the card game.

The idea of shooting in the leg is one many people who are naive about the realities of self defense with a handgun need to get over before they can safely have one for self defense. So start off telling gf some relevant facts. Such as that deer are easier to kill than people, and a deer can run several seconds, a hundred yards or more, after being shot through the heart with any ordinary handgun caliber. This means even a bad guy shot through the heart could plunge a knife into your heart dozens of times or break your neck before dying. A leg shot is even worse, as it is disabling only if you happen to hit an artery. So bad guy has even more time to kill you and may survive himself. A bad guy on drugs may not even notice a leg shot till later. Only a brain or spine shot is guaranteed to be instantly disabling. And brains and spines are hard to hit. So we normally aim for the chest, essentially for heart and spine. But with lungs and other organs in chest plus lots of major arteries, a single center mass shot with a major caliber may stop the bad guy instantly. But it may not. But two or three such shots usually will incapacitate instantly. That's why if you don't want to die instead of or along with your attacker, in self defense with a handgun you put a number of shots center mass. And you don't shoot for legs, arms, hands, shoulders. If you are very good and the situation allows it you might go for one or two head shots and the rest center mass. But most people aren't that good and the situation doesn't always allow.

Things I tell women about the issue of using violence, which is less comfortable for many women then men--

First, I don't believe people should commit suicide. To allow myself to get murdered when I don't have to is essentially suicide. I'm not going to commit suicide in any form, including suicide by bad guy. I'm not stronger than most bad guys, and bad guys may be armed. So I must provide myself with the tools and skills so I'm not a sitting duck for bad guys. This means a gun and armed self defense knowledge and skills.

Second, I ask myself if I would be willing to kill a bad guy to save my husband, child, friend, or other loved one. The answer is "Yes, absolutely". Given that answer, I ask if I myself "Am I not equally worthy of my caring and protection?" Yes, I say. I think I am. So I must be willing to protect myself just as fiercely as I would protect a loved one. Furthermore, a woman with children who has allowed herself to be defenseless against a bad guy is not just showing contempt for her own worth and life. She has also allowed her husband to be widowed and her children to be deprived of their mother.

Third, the role of cops is to catch and punish the bad guy after he has raped, maimed, or murdered you. Even if you live in a city near a police department, the event is likely to be over long before LE could arrive, even if you could call them, which you often can't. If you want to actually PREVENT your being raped, maimed, or murdered, you have to take care of that yourself.

Finally, as a woman, there have often been protective males in my life. And when there were, I appreciated and cherished them. But protective males aren't around all the time. They can't be. They have their own jobs, hobbies, etc. I might feel safe just cause there is a protective male in my life. And I AM safer when he is around. But if I want to be protected the rest of the time, I need to learn to protect myself.

As to gf jumping out of car to help a potentially dangerous stranger--tell her that her doing that could get YOU killed. If she is grabbed, you will have to defend her. With her grabbed you may not be able to use your gun. If bad guy has gun, it will be you he shoots first, not her. Whatever, you are going to have to get out of the car to protect her, if she does. So she must STAY IN THE CAR unless and until both of you have agreed otherwise. Even if she disagrees about the danger, tell her she has no right to put your life at risk without your consent.

By the way, knowing first aid is also a basic survival skill. You might suggest to gf that she learn both first aid and handgun self defense. Becoming more realistic and competent to aid others in both ways might appeal. Point out, as you did, that gf was useless not just to defend herself from the derelict, if necessary, but to do anything to help him if first aid was needed. And sometimes a competent person with a gun is the help that is needed. I once saved a woman from getting raped by chasing away the bad guy. That certainly helped that woman. I've never needed my first aid skills to help anyone. I've used my handgun self-defense skills to save my own bacon thrice. (Two attempted home invasions and one accidentally interrupted robbery. No shots fired.) My mother used her first aid skills to save someone once, and her handgun to protect herself and her children once. (Also no shots fired.)

^^^Great post, awesome points, given from a woman's perspective.

 

[HB of CJ]

Seriously. Consider ending the relationship and moving on. Difficult. Your lady friend may never break through her shortcomings. Is she that much of a life keeper? I only read the first couple of answers.

The best lady friend I ever had was a retired cop.

 

[EPS]

In another thread STEVE FROM CERBERUS GROUP. said when discussing the 21 foot rule or he said it's not a rule it is the minimum.if I remember.
He said a man can still go for 30 seconds or more with his heart blown out .
How many shots can you get off in 30 seconds .
Or how many times can you get stabbed in 30 seconds .
I used to have a bunch of videos and photos of people and cops that had been stabbed .
In A FEW SECONDS.
But there are videos out there that will show how much damage a guy with a knife can do in a few seconds

 

[thorborg]

Seriously. Consider ending the relationship and moving on. .

Really? Then you might as well make sure the new gal can pack her weight in bug out equipment, melt lead, change your oil, and tune the ATV all while making lip smacking biscuits and gravy.