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I had an old Bulldog .44 and it was great.
The recoil isn't an issue, my right thumb locks up so releasing a safety can be hit or miss. I've had some cortisone shots in my fingers and they're much more nimble than they were.
It looks like there's a few XD or maybe XDM models that might suit my want list. Anybody have any experience with them? I'm not very used to striker fired pistols.
Then I would go 9mm M&P C9mpact without the safety, or an XD9 Service model. The XD has a very light trigger compared to most Glocks - every one i have had was around 4.5 to 5 lbs. The triggers are spongy but workable. The M&P 2 compact has a decent 6lb trigger. I feel your pain about the joint issue - literally. I have nerve damage in my hands and my thumbs and pinky fingers especially don't always cooperate. Lots of pain in them. I occasionally loose grip on tools or items when my hand spasms and opens uncontrollably. Never done it with a firearm yet but I have dropped expensive fly rods more than I like, plus all sorts of tools. Small diameter objects are the worst for causing pain.