Last Wishes

[rick benjamin]

I plan to be cremated, interred in a columbarium (memory wall) my family has reserved in San Diego
Purchased the nitche.

 

[Medic!]

Sounds like a great plan.
Just have them make sure your really dead first.

 

[salmonriverjohn]

i was reflecting on a thought i have had for years, and even discussed with my wife at times. When i die i want to be placed on a funeral pyre and burned , much like the vikings, lest the sea. Once i am consumed, my remaining ashes to be placed by a fir or cedar, (my favorite trees) and in essence live forever through being risen into the air, and being consumed through the tree and dispersed through its leaves, and the birds eat the seeds and so on and so on etc. But it was sad to hear my wifes rebuttal." you cant do that." Why the f*&^ not? We have gotten so entrenched in being ruled and brow beaten, it's in our very veins and it doesn't appear till we have an abstract idea or thought. I refuse to be processed as the STATE wants or anyone else. I should be able to ask for my last wishes be honored and the state, feds, officials be damned. I am free, born free, and will stay free. Any thoughts on this or your own wishes?

You pick out your favorite tree, you know me, I'll get ya there!
Since your what, 25 years younger than me you damn right your going to be in ashes because I ain't packing your big arse up on that mountain without quartering it up!

 

[Lilhigbee]

When my friend passed way in '08 from colon cancer, the funeral home set up a display of caskets for sale in their fancy showroom.
When I escorted his grieving widow into the display room, all they had on hand was a pink colored casket and the fanciest one imaginable.
To make it even more expensive, it had a bunch of corner emblems embossed with the Marine logo on them.
Inside the lid was a 12" Marine flag embossed into the lining.
My late friend had been a Marine but he hated the experience and never said anything good about it.
My problem was the blatant manipulation of chalking up the funeral home prices by the supposedly caring sales staff.
I expect sales tactics like that from Ron Tonkin, not a funeral home. Talk about kicking someone when they're down.

It sickens me to think about the upselling that goes on at some funeral homes - "Mrs. Schmedlap, don't you think your wonderful husband, rest his soul, deserves a $12,000 hand-burnished Tennessee Cedar casket with a lovely hunting scene mural inside? And what says 'We'll miss you Dad,' like a parade of a dozen limousines? Sign right here..."

Anyone expecting to deal with the funeral industry should read the book "The American Way of Death" by Jessica Mitford. It was written in 1963 but is just as pertinent today as then. I haven't read her updated version, "The American Way of Death Revisited", but would expect it to be excellent also. A previous girlfriend's family had to deal with the death of her grandparents and the sales tactics were exactly as described in the book. Grandpa died first and Grandma wanted a "plain pine box" for him. The funeral home "plain pine box" was $5000!! It was obvious that this option was there specifically for this request.

For those who want to see the humor in it we have The Chad Mitchell Trio, "A Dying Business";

 

[Joe13]

They have to play Alice n Chains - Man in the Box at my funereal.

No joke, it's in my will.

Half my ashes spread at sea and the other half in the forest.

 

[Diamondback]

You guys are gonna laugh at this, since you'd probably have expected some of it more from @Stomper ... if the GF and I are still together and she'll allow it, and it can be done and medically safe, have my cremains implanted inside her so not even death will do us part. (Given that she's already peri-menopausal, there's already a perfect spot with plenty of vacancy...)

Well, other than a small portion, since one of my closest friends is a total freak between the sheets, that I'm thinking to have set aside and cast into something for her to keep lodged in her favorite special spot... and if Canada ever comes to their senses and lets the GF take my 1911 back with her after I'm gone, a little mixed into its grips.

 

[Dungannon]

Anyone expecting to deal with the funeral industry should read the book "The American Way of Death" by Jessica Mitford.

I remember that book; it was an assignment in college. Even went to a funeral home in Portland for 'the tour' and wrote a report on all the subtle and not-so-subtle ways they try to weasel you into paying a fortune to honor the dead. Part of the reason I pressured my folks to get it sorted out. My wife and I had taken care of that bit years before, just so it wouldn't be a question for our kids.

I stopped by a funeral home after my dad died to find out what sort of urns they had, and what they cost. $150 for a cardboard box with a patriotic picture! Went to Crosscut Hardwoods for teak, and back to the shop.

 

[The Heretic]

I have asked for cremation - as much for the cost as anything else (I think burial is silly, for a number of reasons, and I don't like the idea of being embalmed and entombed in a casket for years, even though that won't be me; wherever I am, if I am somewhere after death, it won't be there).

I have asked, that, if possible, my ashes be spread in the forest - but again, at that point, my ashes are not me. I am gone. These requests/plans, and generally any person's funeral/etc. plans, are for their family, not us.

 

[Mephistopheles]

Scattered the ashes of two relatives and a great friend where they had asked. My Stepdad on a ski run in the Sierras, My Grandmother in a small canyon in Nevada, my Mother in a creek in the Sierras. Least I could do for three people who treated me well.

 

[jbett98]

My late brother-in-law requested that his ashes be spread out in Puget Sound near his favorite inlet he always enjoyed sailing to.
After my sister opened the container and all of the farewells were spoken, she flung the contents off the back of the sailboat, then a big gust of wind came up out of nowhere and sent his ashes flying back on board all over everyone.
He got the last laugh that day.

 

[gryghin]

I told my wife, that I want to be cremated and shot out of a torpedo tube. When I was in, I remember a boat in our squadron released the ashes while they were transiting on the surface. Which makes sense for those diesel boat sailors, they spent just as much time surfaced as submerged.

Me, I'd like to shot out while submerged... That's where the fun really happens.

 

[Bon Sauvage]

Amen brother.

 

[Bon Sauvage]

You guys are gonna laugh at this, since you'd probably have expected some of it more from @Stomper ... if the GF and I are still together and she'll allow it, and it can be done and medically safe, have my cremains implanted inside her so not even death will do us part. (Given that she's already peri-menopausal, there's already a perfect spot with plenty of vacancy...)

Well, other than a small portion, since one of my closest friends is a total freak between the sheets, that I'm thinking to have set aside and cast into something for her to keep lodged in her favorite special spot... and if Canada ever comes to their senses and lets the GF take my 1911 back with her after I'm gone, a little mixed into its grips.

Well, I didn't laugh but I certainly shook my head while reading this post.

 

[308]

Let the dead bury the dead.

 

[Stomper]

Well, I didn't laugh but I certainly shook my head while reading this post.

If you're going to go to THAT much trouble, have your ashes melted into synthetic material, then made into sweat resistant thong underwear for your girlfriend.....


Man comes from the womb of women, then he spends the vast majority of his energy during his life trying to get back in there. At least in death, you'd be pretty damned close!

 

[Hawaiian]

I want my ashes to be spread across the entrance to Nordstrom's. Then I know my wife will visit me at least three times a week.

 

[salmonriverjohn]

Man comes from the womb of women, then he spends the vast majority of his energy during his life trying to get back in there. At least in death, you'd be pretty damned close!

Yep, and sometimes the woman has to remind me with a "hey easy there big boy"! So yep, I get it

 

[Stomper]

Yep, and sometimes the woman has to remind me with a "hey easy there big boy"! So yep, I get it

.

Sounds like you fraked up a let her eat wedding cake... BIG mistake!

 

[Diamondback]

Man comes from the womb of women, then he spends the vast majority of his energy during his life trying to get back in there. At least in death, you'd be pretty damned close!

Why settle for just "pretty close"? (Remember, I did say "implanted"?)

 

[Stomper]

Why settle for just "pretty close"? (Remember, I did say "implanted"?)

Maybe you should just use an empty KY tube as an urn... sicko.