Thoughts on spending 3k in 3 days for no reason...

[trevi]

Not to mention that most of that money will be spent with people who want to disarm you.

Here is your answer!

Equates a resounding NO!

 

[MTpockets]

Custom Life-size Standup

Be a cutout above the rest, when you go with the best - CardboardCutouts.com

cardboardcutouts.com

 

[Longwalkhome]

Best part of life is not being part of the herd that lives under peer pressure. Freedom has always been important to me.

 

[Unicykle]

Don't feel bad at all for saying no I did the same thing at my brothers wedding when they (she) wanted to fly halfway around the world and expect the entire family to follow suit. I congratulated them here pulled my brother aside and said when you get divorced in seven years and she takes half your bubblegum you can still come stay with me. Looking back that was probably being a dick.

 

[oremike]

Tell them you can't go because you can't carry for self defense. I mean look at what' going on in Cali.

 

[Certaindeaf]

Got a last minute wedding invite from a cousin who I'm not really close with and know that they couldn't care less if I was there or not. I'm getting married next summer and wasn't considering inviting them because I assumed they could care less.

Anways im getting slack from my folks for saying I don't want to go.

Here's the deal tho. They're Californians. They're also the type of ppl that want a wedding they can't afford in an area they and their guests can't afford. My parents are literally not able to afford to go to this wedding but they're gonna go either way. I said F that. I'm not gonna spend 3k in flights and hotels to maybe see the cousin for 10 seconds and say congrats.

But as I said, I'm getting slack for it. Am I a total dick for thinking it's not worth it?

Me and the fiance are on a big savings kick and we've added another 6 figures to our savings account in the last 3.5 years and we are super conservative with our spending. These people haven't reached out to us in 3+ years but now we are being pressured to come to their wedding.

Am I a dick? Am I being selfish for saying I don't wanna go?

They'll be divorced on two years so no.

 

[teflon6string]

My extended family is scattered all over the map - different generations in various stages of careers, school, health concerns, etc. It's not uncommon to be missing a couple/few relatives at a major league family event for any number of reasons. We're all used to that reality and we seem to roll with it.

What sort of 'slack' are your parents giving you? And I wonder what sort of 'slack' they might be anticipating from your aunt/uncle if you don't attend their kid's wedding. This might be more their problem than yours.

With that said are you sure this cousin invited you because your presence is crucial, or perhaps because you're on some all-inclusive 'automatic' list of relatives? Put another way, do they really, really want/need you there? I mention this because I'm watching a young couple close to me mulling over and merging their own lists, feeling somewhat compelled to include certain relatives with whom they have little/nothing in common. "But if we invite ___, it would rude to not invite ___."

Whatever you decide, it would be bad form to pull a last-minute switcheroo. Make your intentions known early on because catered shindigs held in high zoot venues can cost the financier of the event hundreds of dollars per guest whether they attend or not. Unexplained empty seats can result in some well-remembered negative vibes later.

 

[Aero Denezol]

Lots of great advice here.

Don't go. This is an opportunity to stand up for something when it's hard. Your wife will respect you for it. Who cares what anyone else thinks, they don't know what's good for the two of you.

Covid

Except you have to RSVP. I mean, some people wouldn't care about taking up a spot and bailing...

They'll be divorced on two years so no.

^^^ In plastic "no-fault" California, where divorce first became a sport in 1968... the odds of this are good.

I have a couple friends who moved to California for work many years ago. Both had affairs and got into money problems. Now they're in counseling and still miserable. The temptation down there is extraordinarily high, whatever your vice. The smart people I know left California soon after being married. It's not a place to raise a family anymore. At least not Los Angeles/Orange.

 

[arakboss]

Lots of great advice here.

Don't go. This is an opportunity to stand up for something when it's hard. Your wife will respect you for it. Who cares what anyone else thinks, they don't know what's good for the two of you.


Except you have to RSVP. I mean, some people wouldn't care about taking up a spot and bailing...


^^^ In plastic "no-fault" California, where divorce first became a sport in 1968... the odds of this are good.

I have a couple friends who moved to California for work many years ago. Both had affairs and got into money problems. Now they're in counseling and still miserable. The temptation down there is extraordinarily high, whatever your vice. The smart people I know left California soon after being married. It's not a place to raise a family anymore. At least not Los Angeles/Orange.

"Except you have to RSVP. I mean, some people wouldn't care about taking up a spot and bailing."



Long Covid

 

[Mikej]

But as I said, I'm getting slack for it. Am I a total dick for thinking it's not worth it?

No you are not a dick!! Forget what anyone else says or thinks. You are a grownassed man and need to live only with yourself, wife and kids. And California for hell sakes! *Shudder*

 

[CountryGent]

I personally always try to make the family weddings. That said, with those parameters, I wouldn't bother. A cousin you haven't been in contact with for years, obnoxious wedding plans, and 3K+ in expenses; no thanks. Maybe send them a nice Cuisinart and call it good.

 

[Jay Walk]

I did not drive from Vancouver to Seattle to attend my niece's wedding. Bro was likely not happy but they chose to have the ceremony up there, not me. Sent her a gift, she is fine.

My son announced he was flying to Hawaii to get married, none of my family went including me. His new inlaws went, they are renters and Broke AF.

I gave him some cash and stayed home.

Now... Who's the Dick?

 

[Rickenbacher39]

1. Go to the wedding.
2. Get drunk.
3. Throw up on the bride.


And no, do not go.
People who should know better are trying to "guilt" you into going.
They're just fishing for more wedding gifts.
I wouldn't even send them a gift, but that's just me.

 

[HotRodGuy]

Heck no. They are just trying to get people to send gifts, I had a cousin who did that. Hadn't talked to him in 20 years but got a wedding invite. So, I sent him a rather tacky celebration card with the card for a divorce lawyer inside.

 

[titsonritz]

Married...buried...what's the difference? I'm not going to anyone's funeral that's not coming to mine let alone paying 3 grand for it.

 

[HighlandLofts]

With the short time span on marriage these days I'd sent a $50 gift card and call it good. I quit going to weddings years ago.

 

[Member 34319]

No, definitely no.

If they get mad at the fact it is going to cost you a bunch of money and you're stuck on that, they should pay for you to go.

There are some things in life that just aren't worth it, this sounds like one of them.

Money is tight these days, extra thing's like weddings are a privilege. They should know this and they shouldn't expect so much from others and more from themselves. Having this ideology is likely why they are in California.

 

[JackFrost]

I avoid family like the plague, reunions, get togethers anything that has family involved, I'm out. It's taken about 18 years but after missing multiple cousin's weddings, reunions, Christmas dinner invites etc we FINALLY stopped getting invites!

 

[JustSomeGuy]

I wouldn't go. But, that's coming from a guy who got married outdoors on his own deck because he wouldn't invest the effort to walk across the street for his own wedding much less someone else's.

 

[clanhanson]

California is purdy and weddings are fun, but that's just me. 3k isn't a ton of money these days but it's not negligible either. I'd use that money to take a trip overseas or throw it in a CD for a few years.