So dad is getting a little dotty...

[ZA_Survivalist]

I had to make a run up to Redmond yesterday and receive my dad's 9mm pc carbine and side by .410. He's 75 and has some dementia going on. He sees things he is convinced are real but really aren't there. Probably has some ptsd from combat to go with it. He's aware of it and asked me to come get his firearms. I have mixed emotions. I know it was the right call but it's hard. He's my dad. He taught me to shoot, hunt, and fish safely. He's an ex Marine who did a tour in Vietnam in '68 in the A sau valley. Might be the most difficult thing I have ever done. He loves to target shoot. I feel bad taking his firearms. I'm just emotional about his decline I guess.

Im really sorry to hear this. This kind of stuff is tough as hell. Im sure you got a strong social circle to vent to. Not to sound like a softie: and this offer goes out to you or anyone else reading, if you gotta vent worries, concerns or anger, Im here to listen.

Us dudes have to put on a tough face most of the time.. but there is stuff like what you've got on your plate right now that; despite our hard nosed demeanor.. cuts us to the core. Nothing worse than facing that kind of sh*t alone. Again, hope you got a good social network to have your back on this and my offer isnt needed.. but reach out if ever you need to man.

 

[ageingstudent]

Thank you @ZA_Survivalist I appreciate that. And I agree about the facade. Sometimes it's rough having to be the solid man you were raised to be. I can't get my head around how fast he has declined since I saw him last year. I really appreciate all the responses to this thread. I'm kind of a solitary critter not much of a network. Don't mind sharing publicly that I'm pretty tore up right now though. Boy it's rough seeing your dad run up against it. I got some ouch going on.

 

[Bill Siegle]

I lost a good Friend to dementia. What his Wife described was a very difficult journey. I'm happy to hear your Dad is already taking steps for safety. I'd further advise you have a talk with a professional and prepare for what is to come. If you can your Dad's own Doctor might provide some advice. Either way start making plans now for the journey ahead. ENJOY the heck out of the good days left!!!!! Try not to take the lesser days personally.

 

[StacattoP]

I feel for you brother and also sorry you have to go through this maybe on his good days you can bring a couple of the guns up and shoot with him?

 

[ageingstudent]

I feel for you brother and also sorry you have to go through this maybe on his good days you can bring a couple of the guns up and shoot with him?

Yes I hope. I'm coming back up that way in July to visit my daughters and grand kids. I might just take him fishing instead. I should have a good load worked up for that carbine by then if he's doing okay I might turn him loose on a steel plate at 100 yards. I have a nice tactical scope with a lighted reticle. Play it by ear and see how he's doing I guess.

 

[StacattoP]

Yes I hope. I'm coming back up that way in July to visit my daughters and grand kids. I might just take him fishing instead. I should have a good load worked up for that carbine by then if he's doing okay I might turn him loose on a steel plate at 100 yards. I have a nice tactical scope with a lighted reticle. Play it by ear and see how he's doing I guess.

Atta boy! Thats the spirit! Marines never go down easy brother!!

 

[The Heretic]

My dad was a bit pissed when he found out that I took most of his firearms at the request of my mother - the rest were hidden and then eventually taken away too. He was losing it and always had a temper so she wanted them out of the house.

 

[Nick Burkhardt]

Look on the bright side, he is sharp enough to recognize his limits. My father in law has had several strokes and no longer has the hand strength or mental acuity for responsible firearm use or ownership. His nephew took advantage of that and stole most of his firearms while housesitting.

 

[techieguy]

The right thing to do is usually the hard thing to do, but as we know our time is short and we have no guarantees of what the future holds. So enjoy your time with your father that you have now, as other have stated if it's good day and you can go shooting with your dad take advantage of the day. I miss both my dad and step day who both taught me to shoot and enjoy firearms. I have my 22 rifle that my father gave me for my 8th birthday and my step fathers 270 both of those rifles give me a tangible link back to all the memories with them. Miss them quite often even though its been quite some time since I've lost them.

 

[po18guy]

I had to make a run up to Redmond yesterday and receive my dad's 9mm pc carbine and side by .410. He's 75 and has some dementia going on. He sees things he is convinced are real but really aren't there. Probably has some ptsd from combat to go with it. He's aware of it and asked me to come get his firearms. I have mixed emotions. I know it was the right call but it's hard. He's my dad. He taught me to shoot, hunt, and fish safely. He's an ex Marine who did a tour in Vietnam in '68 in the A sau valley. Might be the most difficult thing I have ever done. He loves to target shoot. I feel bad taking his firearms. I'm just emotional about his decline I guess.

If possible, you could still take him out plinking from time to time. As to sentiments, try to imagine that you never knew him, like so many boys and men today. Think of all the memories, abilities, companionship that you would not have had.

Now, consider the innumerable things he has taught you - the countless experieinces, adventures and father-son love you two have shared. Rather than focusing on loss, look at what you have gained from his presence in your life. That will live on in you and even in your children.

 

[Member 18201]

When my Dad was 83, he said I should take the firearms home with me.
He was not in poor health, but he said " I don't wake up fast enough if I needed to use them ".

This is the man that taught me muzzle discipline and trigger control when I was 4, using cap pistols.

He stuck around until he was almost 92.

.......................

 

[ageingstudent]

If possible, you could still take him out plinking from time to time. As to sentiments, try to imagine that you never knew him, like so many boys and men today. Think of all the memories, abilities, companionship that you would not have had.

Now, consider the innumerable things he has taught you - the countless experieinces, adventures and father-son love you two have shared. Rather than focusing on loss, look at what you have gained from his presence in your life. That will live on in you and even in your children.

You know it's peculiar that he and I look so much alike and yet are so different. He wasn't a great teacher I get that he was only 18 when I was born. Not the most patient fella. But I've come to kind of appreciate that we are different and it's okay. He's just going downhill so fast. Not sure handing him a rifle would be safe in July but we'll see. I hope so I'd like to shoot with him at least once more.

Fishing with his Brother in 1957 and his first pheasant in 1962. I still have that 16 ga. Look at that grin ear to ear...



And then off to war in 1968. God he was still a baby

 

[po18guy]

The blessing is that he came back. My neighbor Ed Hock was sent back in a box two weeks after landing in 'nam.

 

[ageingstudent]

The blessing is that he came back. My neighbor Ed Hock was sent back in a box two weeks after landing in 'nam.

Yep. Happened a lot. Dad had a good friend there that didn't come back from hill 937

 

[po18guy]

If you go shooting, take a single shot if you have one, or load singles. If he used to lean over you to help you aim, well, the time may have come to reverse roles. If he does not mind you, you can also make sure that all rounds go downrange. Your call there. Dementia and Alzheimer's tend to reverse the person's aging process, in that they become progressively more childlike. If they get mad or grumpy, it will be forgotten quickly. Slow and patient is now the watchword.

It is also a test of your love. Life for him does not become all that much more difficult, but it certainly does for family and caretakers. But - this is the test of love.

Mom died with dementia. Mothe-in-law died from Alzheiner's.

 

[ageingstudent]

If you go shooting, take a single shot if you have one, or load singles. If he used to lean over you to help you aim, well, the time may have come to reverse roles. Ifd he does not mind you, you can also make sure that all rounds go downrange. Your call there. Dementia and Alzheimer's tend to reverse the person's aging process, in that they become progressively more childlike. If they get mad or grumpy, it will be forgotten quickly. Slow and patient is now the watchword.

It is also a test of your love. Life for him does not become all that much more difficult, but it certainly does for family and caretakers. But - this is the test of love.

Mom died with dementia. Mothe-in-law died from Alzheiner's.

Oh gosh yeah...both of my grandmothers had some dementia and Alzheimer's going on before they died. Thank god it didn't last too long. They were both 92.

 

[Jasonanddeonna]

Thank you both for your service. I am so sorry this is happening as it is gut wrenching to experience and see those we love getting older and leaving their prime behind. You and your family need to spend as much time with him as you can until the end; please, trust me on this. The days are long, but the years are short.

 

[Howard1955]

Sounds like you and your Dad are doing things right.

We help our kids as best we can while we're raising them - and if we're lucky, they'll be the ones helping us when we start to decline.

My wife and I just went through the loss of her Mom. Absolutely grueling at times, both physically and emotionally. But helping JoAnn as she declined and then passed is probably one of the most noble things I've ever done.

Hang in there with your Dad. It's one of the toughest experiences in life, to begin to take care of our parents. But you'll be glad you were there for him.

You might be helping him in various ways for a long while. Hopefully you two will make a lot of good memories as you go forward.

 

[Dr Prepper]

sorry to hear. take the guns and let them be a reminder of the good days he had with them, NOT the day you had to pick them up. keep focusing on that.
remember his fighting spirit if we have to take back control from the tyrants.

I put a lot of work into that relationship. Most of his life he was very difficult. That relationship has been reconciled. He's changed a lot and so have I. That's why it's hard to accept he's going downhill now.

glad to hear you got to reconcile things before he was too far along. there are quite a few of us that dont or wont. some of us dont have any time with our fathers. i feel its one of the MAJOR problems pushing these "systemic" problems these days. im pretty certain i will never know my father at all even though hes still in my life, im pretty much completely past the point of trying in the slightest. he goes out of his way to be disconnected.
so take heart with what time you did have together and DO embrace the time you have left.

best of luck!

 

[308]

The right thing to do is usually the hard thing to do..

That is true and sounds exactly like what Michael Dye said in his Genesis Process workbook.