So dad is getting a little dotty...

[ageingstudent]

I had to make a run up to Redmond yesterday and receive my dad's 9mm pc carbine and side by .410. He's 75 and has some dementia going on. He sees things he is convinced are real but really aren't there. Probably has some ptsd from combat to go with it. He's aware of it and asked me to come get his firearms. I have mixed emotions. I know it was the right call but it's hard. He's my dad. He taught me to shoot, hunt, and fish safely. He's an ex Marine who did a tour in Vietnam in '68 in the A sau valley. Might be the most difficult thing I have ever done. He loves to target shoot. I feel bad taking his firearms. I'm just emotional about his decline I guess.

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[Andy54Hawken]

A tough call and chore to have to do for sure.

It is good that your dad is aware of how things are...but still for you and him , its gotta be tough.

My dad is gone now he passed in 2008 , quickly ," lucky " as these things go....
So I did not see a decline.

In any event...if you ever need a listening ear....please drop me a line.
I wish you and your dad all the best.
Andy

 

[ageingstudent]

A tough call and chore to have to do for sure.

It is good that your dad is aware of how things are...but still for you and him , its gotta be tough.

My dad is gone now he passed in 2008 , quickly ," lucky " as these things go....
So I did not see a decline.

In any event...if you ever need a listening ear....please drop me a line.
I wish you and your dad all the best.
Andy

Thank you brother.

 

[SrMachoSolo]

Sad to hear the circumstances, especially for someone who is a veteran; however, he is showing a great example of responsible gun ownership. I'm sure he's passed that down to you as well.

-Robert

 

[SynapticSilence]

Sorry you had to make that call, but it's the right one to make. He's still your dad, but he has a disease that the first thing it robs him of is his ability to make rational decisions. I'm a retired psychologist who dealt with folks with dementia and their families for over twenty years. Believe me when I tell you that the family members of those who hurt themselves or others would give anything to go back and make the decision that you just did. It's hard when you and your dad reverse roles like that, but I bet that your dad before he developed dementia would have told you it was the right thing to do. Good on you. And all my prayers for you and your family as your dad goes on such a tough journey.

 

[FourTeeFive]

It's an awful part of getting older, and I think about this topic regarding myself quite a bit. In this age of red flag laws and general public anti-gun sentiment, I think we need to help support not only our own family members but each other. It's at least as tough a conversation to have as taking away someone's ability to drive their own car. I feel for you and, as Andy said, it's good your dad had the ability to realize he needed your help.

 

[ageingstudent]

Sorry you had to make that call, but it's the right one to make. He's still your dad, but he has a disease that the first thing it robs him of is his ability to make rational decisions. I'm a retired psychologist who dealt with folks with dementia and their families for over twenty years. Believe me when I tell you that the family members of those who hurt themselves or others would give anything to go back and make the decision that you just did. It's hard when you and your dad reverse roles like that, but I bet that your dad before he developed dementia would have told you it was the right thing to do. Good on you. And all my prayers for you and your family as your dad goes on such a tough journey.

Thank you yes. We don't pay enough attention to mental issues. They get treated differently. I'm glad I got them before he had an episode and filled his couch full of lead. It's just super difficult for me to have a Marine hand his firearms over to me. There is something going on with me there too. I'm really feeling it. We men don't like emotions they are messy

 

[SUPER X]

I had to make a run up to Redmond yesterday and receive my dad's 9mm pc carbine and side by .410. He's 75 and has some dementia going on. He sees things he is convinced are real but really aren't there. Probably has some ptsd from combat to go with it. He's aware of it and asked me to come get his firearms. I have mixed emotions. I know it was the right call but it's hard. He's my dad. He taught me to shoot, hunt, and fish safely. He's an ex Marine who did a tour in Vietnam in '68 in the A sau valley. Might be the most difficult thing I have ever done. He loves to target shoot. I feel bad taking his firearms. I'm just emotional about his decline I guess.

Sounds like its his decision
which is much better than someone making it for him. Since he is Making the Call himself And trusting you its a good thing. If by chance there is just something temporary going on you can give them back. .Or take him plinking with his own iron on a day things are going well.

 

[Stomper]

There's no such thing as an "ex" Marine, Soldier, Sailor, or Airman....

Clearly your father casts a long shadow, embrace that spirit!



Sorry for what you're going through.

Peace unto you!

 

[OrPackrat]

My grandfather lost his eyesight essentially, in the early years, he went from a standard computer monitor to a 32" TV with all icons blown up.

His aim was basically gone. His carry a snub nose 38. I inherited all his firearms but since he wanted something to carry or at least have on his bedstead, he got a Walther P22. Never loaded, he could not load it himself, but he could not sleep without a firearm... Able to take him to the range, had to sit him down and load the pistol, all he had to do is pull the trigger...

 

[SynapticSilence]

Thank you yes. We don't pay enough attention to mental issues. They get treated differently. I'm glad I got them before he had an episode and filled his couch full of lead. It's just super difficult for me to have a Marine hand his firearms over to me. There is something going on with me there too. I'm really feeling it. We men don't like emotions they are messy

Yeah. I was a retired Air Force CMSgt before I was a shrink. Marines are cut from a very different cloth. But they also generally operate from a rigid sense of doing things the right way. If he were combat ineffective, he'd turn his rifle over to someone else who could use it. That sounds like just what he did by asking you to take them. I think you should take it as an honor that he chose you for that responsibility. He sounds like someone I'd love to meet. I'm in Texas now, so that's not possible, but it's still the truth. And you're right. Men suck at emotional stuff. That's why it hits us harder when we don't have a choice and have to deal with it. Send your dad a Semper Fi from old Chief Rogers. He'll probably crack a joke about Air Force guys but it's ok. He's earned the right.

 

[CountryGent]

So sorry to hear of your father's woes. You are a good son to be there for him in this time. Not an easy call, but sounds like the right one.

My maternal grandmother suffered from Alzheimer's for years, including during the time she lived with us when I was a child. It was a slow, torturous decline of mental faculties, until there was nothing left mentally, though the body was still functioning. It was a nightmare for my mother. So, I get the pain of a loved one with dementia.

Anyway, wishing you and your father well. Hang in there.

 

[Soli]

You sound like a good son OP. No training for this part of life, most don't get how much they'll be faced with the choice of stepping up or failing. Have the probably romanticized idea that it was different way back when; daily closer to disease, decline and death, so you picked up the 'how to' by just living. Whatever, it's probably always been hard.

As I age something has come to me: build the relationships you want now. When called there won't be any time, it'll be as good or bad as it was when you were younger.

Sounds like you did. Your dad sounds like a good man, but let me say he is also a lucky guy.

 

[ageingstudent]

Yeah. I was a retired Air Force CMSgt before I was a shrink. Marines are cut from a very different cloth. But they also generally operate from a rigid sense of doing things the right way. If he were combat ineffective, he'd turn his rifle over to someone else who could use it. That sounds like just what he did by asking you to take them. I think you should take it as an honor that he chose you for that responsibility. He sounds like someone I'd love to meet. I'm in Texas now, so that's not possible, but it's still the truth. And you're right. Men suck at emotional stuff. That's why it hits us harder when we don't have a choice and have to deal with it. Send your dad a Semper Fi from old Chief Rogers. He'll probably crack a joke about Air Force guys but it's ok. He's earned the right.

Haha yes. I get my share being former Army

 

[ageingstudent]

You sound like a good son OP. No training for this part of life, most don't get how much they'll be faced with the choice of stepping up or failing. Have the probably romanticized idea that it was different way back when; daily closer to disease, decline and death, so you picked up the 'how to' by just living. Whatever, it's probably always been hard.

As I age something has come to me: build the relationships you want now. When called there won't be any time, it'll be as good or bad as it was when you were younger.

Sounds like you did. Your dad sounds like a good man, but let me say he is also a lucky guy.

I put a lot of work into that relationship. Most of his life he was very difficult. That relationship has been reconciled. He's changed a lot and so have I. That's why it's hard to accept he's going downhill now.

 

[ZigZagZeke]

Or take him plinking with his own iron on a day things are going well.

Do this! It's a sad situation, but it may also provide the two of you with a way to be closer on his way out.

 

[308]

I had to make a run up to Redmond yesterday and receive my dad's 9mm pc carbine and side by .410. He's 75 and has some dementia going on. He sees things he is convinced are real but really aren't there. Probably has some ptsd from combat to go with it. He's aware of it and asked me to come get his firearms. I have mixed emotions. I know it was the right call but it's hard. He's my dad. He taught me to shoot, hunt, and fish safely. He's an ex Marine who did a tour in Vietnam in '68 in the A sau valley. Might be the most difficult thing I have ever done. He loves to target shoot. I feel bad taking his firearms. I'm just emotional about his decline I guess.

I think it honorable of your dad to ask that of you and I image it is a bit humiliating to him as well. My Dad at 83 had a .380 round chambered backwards in his little Colt. When I noticed it, he tried to blame everyone but himself. Sad thing about my dad is he reeks of un-earned pride, so discussing his clear and present mental decline is just asking for a fight.

 

[ageingstudent]

I think it honorable of your dad to ask that of you and I image it is a bit humiliating to him as well. My Dad at 83 had a .380 round chambered backwards in his little Colt. When I noticed it, he tried to blame everyone but himself. Sad thing about my dad is he reeks of un-earned pride, so discussing his clear and present mental decline is just asking for a fight.

Yes been there. I'm grateful he's seasoned a bit. You'd never get that Marine's gun If he didn't give it up willingly.

 

[1371JarHead]

Dude so sad you are going through this, I went through his back in 2013/14 with my Pops, had to put him into a care home he needed almost 24 hr care he was 89 and it was just horrible , he was a proud retired steelworker a Marine Vet from WW2 in the Pacific Theater, my sister took all his weapons and gave them to the RCMP ( never got them back( he was retired up in Canada)). In the end he couldn't remember who I was, but said I was a fine looking boy lololol, im pretty broken down myself, but if there is anything this former JarHead can go to help out another Devil Dog give me a shout. We vets need to stick together...Semper Fi...

 

[ageingstudent]

Dude so sad you are going through this, I went through his back in 2013/14 with my Pops, had to put him into a care home he needed almost 24 hr care he was 89 and it was just horrible , he was a proud retired steelworker a Marine Vet from WW2 in the Pacific Theater, my sister took all his weapons and gave them to the RCMP ( never got them back( he was retired up in Canada)). In the end he couldn't remember who I was, but said I was a fine looking boy lololol, im pretty broken down myself, but if there is anything this former JarHead can go to help out another Devil Dog give me a shout. We vets need to stick together...Semper Fi...

Gosh Pacific theater...so brutal. My hat is off to him. Geeze just reading about Iwo makes my skin crawl I can't imagine. I actually talked to my dad's CO a couple years back. He was trying to check on his boys that hadn't showed up at reunions and see how they were doing 40 years later. He had found out I was my fathers son and contacted me to ask how my dad was. Now that's a good officer. Left an impression on me. Semper Fi indeed.