Sign for my front door

[Flopsweat]

This lives on the gate of our back fence:

View attachment 1865904

This seems the better direction. I can think of others:

Danger! Heavy equipment operations 24/7.
Warning: Killbots are active. Call 555-555-5555 for exemption.
Hunting Area. Hunting permit and hi-vis clothing required.
Warning: Before entering, vent release valve #17 to avoid radiation exposure.
Firing range is ACTIVE. Enter from South Gate only.

Possible temporary signs:

Delivery Driver: Please remain in car and call 555-555-5555. The tiger has escaped again.


Lost: "Fluffy"

Very friendly, especially if you bring pork chops. Do NOT touch his ears.

 

[Diamondback]

Even "No Soliciting" posted in THREE different places does no good in my AO. Door-to-door streetpreacher types don't seem to understand "yes, this DOES mean YOU too"...

 

[Flopsweat]

Even "No Soliciting" posted in THREE different places does no good in my AO. Door-to-door streetpreacher types don't seem to understand "yes, this DOES mean YOU too"...

My college girlfriend had a roommate who was from some Eastern European country. If somebody started about religion when she opened the door, she'd yell "Nicky!" and walk away. Her roommate would walk up to them and say, in a strong Russian kinda sounding accent, "I am Russian, I have no religion. Go away." and shut the door in their face.

 

[Nosferatu]

My college girlfriend had a roommate who was from some Eastern European country. If somebody started about religion when she opened the door, she'd yell "Nicky!" and walk away. Her roommate would walk up to them and say, in a strong Russian kinda sounding accent, "I am Russian, I have no religion. Go away." and shut the door in their face.

In America, God judges you. In Soviet Russia, God is Vodka.

 

[Flopsweat]

In America, God judges you. In Soviet Russia, God is Vodka.

Balance in everything. Vodka on Saturday, church on Sunday.

 

[NWF007]

Politely sign :
"PLEASE GO AWAY" lol

 

[Provincial]

Even "No Soliciting" posted in THREE different places does no good in my AO. Door-to-door streetpreacher types don't seem to understand "yes, this DOES mean YOU too"...

Years ago some door-to-door proselytizers came to the door of our fairly remote rural home and started their spiel. I happened to have a stack of books sitting in hand's reach that I had placed there to grab on the way out the door, intending to return them to the lady that loaned them to me to read. They were all by Erich Von Daniken, with "Chariots of the Gods" on the top of the stack. I grabbed "Chariots" and told them that Jesus was an alien spaceman and this book explains it all, offering it to them to take home and read. They quickly left, and we have never again been visited by proselytizers.

 

[Capn Jack]

I just have:

Smile, You're on Camera.

 

[po18guy]

I sleep days, work nights
As you stand here, ringing the bell and knocking
Remember two things-
One: I know precisely where you are standing.
Two: This door is not bullet proof.

too much?

Put that sign on the back door. That's where they go when you don't answer.

 

[Flopsweat]

Years ago some door-to-door proselytizers came to the door of our fairly remote rural home and started their spiel. I happened to have a stack of books sitting in hand's reach that I had placed there to grab on the way out the door, intending to return them to the lady that loaned them to me to read. They were all by Erich Von Daniken, with "Chariots of the Gods" on the top of the stack. I grabbed "Chariots" and told them that Jesus was an alien spaceman and this book explains it all, offering it to them to take home and read. They quickly left, and we have never again been visited by proselytizers.

Answer the door naked with a machete. Same effect but be sure to fill the Sherriff in beforehand. That didn't sound right. Tell the Sherriff about it ahead of time.

 

[Alexx1401]

Answer the door naked with a machete. Same effect but be sure to fill the Sherriff in beforehand. That didn't sound right. Tell the Sherriff about it ahead of time.

I have LONG worked nights. Long ago summer, window open, I hear several people walk up to porch, start knocking. I ignored them, could hear the one saying to the others surely someone is home as they keep knocking. So finally I get up and yank door open in my tighty whities. One woman says "oh did we wake you, sorry. Then still starts in trying to sell me her version of "god". I used a couple 4 letter words and shut the door. Must have got my home on a do not knock list as they never bothered me again

 

[Idaho44]

Even "No Soliciting" posted in THREE different places does no good in my AO. Door-to-door streetpreacher types don't seem to understand "yes, this DOES mean YOU too"...

This ^ and then they say "I didn't see the sign!' Who wants to make up a sign saying "CAUTION - Killer Bees inside!"

 

[bcp]

This house is a spider sanctuary. Look carefully before you step or sit. DO NOT SWAT SPIDERS.


Bruce

 

[Flopsweat]

This ^ and then they say "I didn't see the sign!' Who want to make up a sign saying "CAUTION - Killer Bees inside!"

Or "Do not startle or harass the skunk."

 

[bcp]

Bruce

 

[Capn Jack]

I can still remember my squadren comander and the base Chaplin visiting me in the hospital. The Chaplin's first question was. "My son, do you have any religious preferance"?
I asked my CO "Am I going to die"?
No, no you're not going to die.He said.
Then what do I need a Chaplin for?
The Chaplin said, I guess there's no need for me here.
As he started to leave I said, stop by anytime you want to play some cards,
but he never came back.

 

[Flopsweat]

I can still remember my squadren comander and the base Chaplin visiting me in the hospital. The Chaplin's first question was. "My son, do you have any religious preferance"?
I asked my CO "Am I going to die"?
No, no you're not going to die.He said.
Then what do I need a Chaplin for?
The Chaplin said, I guess there's no need for me here.
As he started to leave I said, stop by anytime you want to play some cards,
but he never came back.

"Lord, give me chastity and temperance—but not yet!"

 

[ilikegunspdx]

I say keep it simple

 

[ditchtiger]

I say keep it simple

View attachment 1867454
View attachment 1867455

How shall we #uck off, O Lord?

- Oh, just go away! Leave me alone!