Poems You've Memorized

[Stomper]

Beans, beans, they're good for your heart. The more you eat them more you far...

Here I sit all broken hearted, I tried to poop but only far...

Here I sit with elbows in my knees, I give a gentle squeeze, and out it comes like rotten chee...

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe, she had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

 

[x2ndxall]

Beans, beans, they're good for your heart. The more you eat them more you far...

Here I sit all broken hearted, I tried to poop but only far...

Here I sit with elbows in my knees, I give a gentle squeeze, and out it comes like rotten chee...

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe, she had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

You've never spent time in porta potty, have you?

 

[CoastRange57]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

If you want more gun control

Then f you.

 

[Stomper]

You've never spent time in porta potty, have you?

Why yes.... yes I have.



Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.... guess where your wallet is!!

 

[Goosebrown]

I love Robert Service and the cremation of Sam McGee. I have it mostly memorized and have his complete works on my bedside table

 

[tac]

For those interested persons, the word 'counterpane' was familiar to Stevenson, writing in the late 1800s, but the word 'bedspread' was not. Nor would he have recognised 'duvet' but he WOULD have known the word 'quilt', which at that time was synonymous with 'counterpane'.

tac, today's duty smart-a$$ and pedant

 

[Stomper]

I never heard the term "doona" until my Aussie wife introduced me to the term (among many others, LOL), which is a "duvet".

She also uses the quaint term (to American sensibilities), "oh dear", which I find endearing actually.

 

[3MTA3]

This one always makes the kids laugh

One bright day in the middle of night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys
If you do not believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man, for he saw it too

 

[3MTA3]

Beans, beans, they're good for your heart. The more you eat them more you far...

Another one for the kids

Beans, beans the magical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So eat some beans with every meal!

 

[MrMillspecer]

Down through the mountains past bear arse creek
Lives a mean mother F-er named piss pot Pete
He had snot on his wiskers and shat on his feet
And twenty pounds of swinging meat.
He met a girl named Mary Lou
They liked liked to screw
Forgot the rest but they had kids. Woo hoo

 

[MrMillspecer]

Stomper ate some beans the beans were loaded
Stomper went to bed the beans exploded
Off with the covers off with the sheets
Fifty yard dash to the toilet seat.

 

[Stomper]

 

[Stomper]

My name is Poncho, I work on the rancho, I make two dollars a day. I go to town and see Susie, to play with her pus.., then she takes my two dollars away!


Lou-Lou had a chicken, Lou-Lou had a duck. She put them on the table to see if they would... dance.

 

[Bazooka Joe]

Fleas
Adam
Had 'em

Strictly Germ-proof
The Antiseptic Baby and the Prophylactic Pup
Were playing in the garden when the Bunny gamboled up;
They looked upon the Creature with a loathing undisguised;—
It wasn't Disinfected and it wasn't Sterilized.

They said it was a Microbe and a Hotbed of Disease;
They steamed it in a vapor of a thousand-odd degrees;
They froze it in a freezer that was cold as Banished Hope
And washed it in permanganate with carbolated soap.

In sulphurated hydrogen they steeped its wiggly ears;
They trimmed its frisky whiskers with a pair of hard-boiled shears;
They donned their rubber mittens and they took it by the hand
And elected it a member of the Fumigated Band.

There's not a Micrococcus in the garden where they play;
They bathe in pure iodoform a dozen times a day;
And each imbibes his rations from a Hygienic Cup—
The Bunny and the Baby and the Prophylactic Pup

The very first poem I learned was for a music teacher when I was five. We had to recite our poem while playing.

A birdie with a yellow bill
Hopped upon my windowsill,
Cocked it's Shiney eye and said,
"Ain't you shamed, you sleepyhead."

 

[Joe Link]

If
Rudyard Kipling


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run—
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son!

 

[Mikej]

I found a birdie in the snow, with a broken wing and a broken toe.

I took him home and gave him bread.

And then I crushed his little head.
THE END

Troubled childhood maybe?

 

[Caveman Jim]

I'm not going to display it here but when I was a kid I could quote the "Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe! Weird kid, huh?

INDEED....

 

[Caveman Jim]

Written by a tough little guy I know. Not the best skills yet, but he was in 4th grade when he wrote it. Misspellings are entirely on me, it was harder than I expected it to be.


My dad left again today.
He left me here
To wait and pray.
I don't understand, just quit and stay.

Can you finish this
Before I return?
Of course I can do it dad,
With time to burn.
Cause you always taught me
To watch and learn.

It seems not real I've learned anything from you.
You always have to leave with better things to do.

We'll build a rifle, go and shoot it.
Sure we will dad, unless you get hit.

Take good care of your mom,
He said.
And kissed the top
Of my silent head.

Be strong for your mother,
You're the man for now.
I'm only ten,
I don't know how.

Now I'm crying in my bed.
Will he ever come back?
Or will he be too dead?

I miss my dad and he misses me.
He's doing what he thinks he needs to do.
He thinks he's doing it for me and you.

And living isn't free.

This right here could have been me as a child, my father was in Special Forces Green Beret airborne and many times when I awoke he was not there. I knew why and reveled in his selfless Acts to go where few would ever go. We were always elated when he returned, not knowing where he'd been just loved him for coming home.

In memory of SFC Murphy Harper.

 

[Caveman Jim]

You've never spent time in porta potty, have you?

Worse, many military latrines. But only the baddest of grunts stayed long enough to pen their lunatic thoughts....

 

[etrain16]

For those interested persons, the word 'counterpane' was familiar to Stevenson, writing in the late 1800s, but the word 'bedspread' was not. Nor would he have recognised 'duvet' but he WOULD have known the word 'quilt', which at that time was synonymous with 'counterpane'.

tac, today's duty smart-a$$ and pedant

I never heard the term "doona" until my Aussie wife introduced me to the term (among many others, LOL), which is a "duvet".

She also uses the quaint term (to American sensibilities), "oh dear", which I find endearing actually.

I wonder how many folks today are still familiar with the term "davenport"? I heard it a lot growing up, but it seems no one uses the term any longer.