Issues with wife, post operation

[DunRanull]

Some advice needed (not that it will help)
My wife just has surgery two days ago, for "women's issues". So far so good, but now that she's home again.. she's supposed to do couch/bed rest for a couple weeks. Well it's been hard even with her pain pills to keep her down.. hasta jump up and "do something" or other. She is a "house wife" in a pretty traditional meaning of the term but getting her to lay off cooking and stuff hasnt been easy.. We are both retired so I am around to do stuff..
How can I get her to just take it easy? Valium??? This is a real deal, not a troll..

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[gryghin]

Some people are like that, that's how they relax.

My wife is the same way. We go on vacation and it doesn't matter if we rent a house on the beach or in the Hilton at Waikiki... she has to clean and straighten things up.

Only constructive advice I have is find out how she wants to be supported.

 

[Alexx1401]

Some advice needed (not that it will help)
My wife just has surgery two days ago, for "women's issues". So far so good, but now that she's home again.. she's supposed to do couch/bed rest for a couple weeks. Well it's been hard even with her pain pills to keep her down.. hasta jump up and "do something" or other. She is a "house wife" in a pretty traditional meaning of the term but getting her to lay off cooking and stuff hasnt been easy.. We are both retired so I am around to do stuff..
How can I get her to just take it easy? Valium??? This is a real deal, not a troll..

You may be be fighting a losing battle. Some people are just not able to lay around and do nothing, even when they are told they need to. Best you can do if you can't keep her down is at least "try" to make sure you do anything heavy. Only leave the lighter stuff for her. Maybe the best you can do short of asking the Doc to put her on some kind of meds.

 

[Member 34319]

Non traditional ideas maybe.

Like ensure she has nothing to cook or clean or organize.

My wife was down for a month for her first J pouch surgery. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry. Made it so she had no excuse.

 

[etrain16]

Does couch/bed rest mean "do nothing at all"? Or does that mean perhaps do more resting than you normally would? I can identify with her because I don't do bed/couch rest well myself. When I'm sick, I tend to rest more, but not all the time. After some prior surgeries, one of which was in the p area some years back, I was supposed to be on the same rest schedule. And while the surgery knocked me down pretty well for a few weeks, I just couldn't sit/lay there all day. Drove my wife nuts that I wouldn't stay still, but that's just me. I didn't do any damage to myself, and if I felt fatigued or any pain, I sat back down.

If you're concerned she might be hurting herself by moving around, perhaps call her physician and express that concern. If he is really worried about her moving around, perhaps he can have another talk with her and express the potential damage she's causing by not resting enough. You may not be able to motivate her, but perhaps her Dr. can.

 

[Stomper]

My wife is the same way (traditional "stay at home" home-maker (all her/our friends are... envious), and she actually feels GUILTY if she's not able to do what she feels is her "duty" (around the house.... you pigs). She works hard around the house (inside and outside of it), and takes a LOT of pride making our home the best/cleanest it can be.

We (working) men tend to define/identify ourselves by what we do for a living, it's no different for a woman. Part of "resting" is between the ears, too. Within reason let her do "her thing" as it's actually therapeutic, but make a "concerned fuss" so she stays mindful of her physical limitations.... plus deep down wives love it when their hubby "fusses" over them with concern for their well-being.... that'll pay off after her recovery is over.

 

[teflon6string]

No lady parts here, but I've had a few surgical repairs. While housework is certainly NOT my thing, I've always had projects that pull me up and out of bed when I'm supposed to be laying back and recuperating. It's maddening to lie still when other things are calling. Not big on painkillers either since I don't enjoy the side-effects (last thing most people need is opiate induced constipation following abdominal surgery).

Just gently remind her that plenty of rest (as boring as it might get) is the best thing for a speedy recovery. If her meds aren't totally blunting all feeling, she'll know when it's time to relax. And she should tire easily.

Is there entertainment/hobby stuff she can do from a recliner? Reading? Video games? Puzzles? Catch up on emails? TV/Netflix/HBO series? I've rented and watched entire seasons of Sopranos, The Wire, Brotherhood, etc., in a single weekend. Series are good like that, designed to suck you in and make you anxious to see what's next.

All you can really do is express your sincere concern and (gently again) encourage her to play along for a little while. Best of luck to both of you.

 

[11Charlie]

Same boat as stomper I couldn't get my wife to sit down if you paid her 1k an hour to do it. She takes enormous pride in her house and yard. If she is sitting its with wine so if your wife is the same way get her a couple bottles!!

 

[nammac]

Same boat as stomper I couldn't get my wife to sit down if you paid her 1k an hour to do it. She takes enormous pride in her house and yard. If she is sitting its with wine so if your wife is the same way get her a couple bottles!!

Just don't mix that wine and the pain killers, but do use it as a replacement

 

[Motomom34]

Some advice needed (not that it will help)
My wife just has surgery two days ago, for "women's issues". So far so good, but now that she's home again.. she's supposed to do couch/bed rest for a couple weeks. Well it's been hard even with her pain pills to keep her down.. hasta jump up and "do something" or other. She is a "house wife" in a pretty traditional meaning of the term but getting her to lay off cooking and stuff hasnt been easy.. We are both retired so I am around to do stuff..
How can I get her to just take it easy? Valium??? This is a real deal, not a troll..

I am sure when she does sit down she is in pain the poor thing. Some people cannot stay still. My first thought was you will not be able to get her to take it easy but maybe instead of getting her to just sit around while you take care of things, how about you sit with her? Do not know about you or your wife but an afternoon date of lunch and a movie together will have her sitting for a few hours. What about putting a puzzle together, the two of you. She cannot sit and watch you do things. If you stop and enjoy, it may help her stop and heal.

 

[66PonyCar]

My wife is the same. She's had several procedures over the years. Each time the doctor has said she needs to rest but of course she doesn't listen which often has led to longer recovery periods. Then she always claims she's followed doctor's orders and can't understand why it' s taking so long to recover. I've threatened next time I was going to have her put into a medically induced coma until her recovery periods is complete, but I don't think the doctors would go along with that.

 

[Joe13]

Some advice needed (not that it will help)
My wife just has surgery two days ago, for "women's issues". So far so good, but now that she's home again.. she's supposed to do couch/bed rest for a couple weeks. Well it's been hard even with her pain pills to keep her down.. hasta jump up and "do something" or other. She is a "house wife" in a pretty traditional meaning of the term but getting her to lay off cooking and stuff hasnt been easy.. We are both retired so I am around to do stuff..
How can I get her to just take it easy? Valium??? This is a real deal, not a troll..

8 weeks on the couch post knee surgery last year. Wife scolded me if I was getting up for anything other then headed to the bathroom.

Finally told me I was making her life harder and that's about where I stopped trying to get up and just dealt with the guilt of asking for everything.

Just be honest.

 

[Sstrand]

Perhaps a little off topic:
They say a hysterectomy takes a lot out of a girl . . . !

Sheldon

 

[Squidly]

Same story here. The wife has been having health issues for years. Last month she landed in the ICU because she can't relax and take it easy when she should. After nearly dying and an 11 day stay at the Providence hotel she has changed her outlook to a degree. The liquid Ativan helps some... for her .

We like to fix things. Some people are wired like the energized bunny and there's no fixing that. I wouldn't even if I could. My dad is the same way. At 81 yo, he has a bunch of aftermarket parts on him. He continues wear out those parts too. It's better to burn out than fade away.

 

[Alexx1401]

My wife is the same way (traditional "stay at home" home-maker (all her/our friends are... envious), and she actually feels GUILTY if she's not able to do what she feels is her "duty" (around the house.... you pigs). She works hard around the house (inside and outside of it), and takes a LOT of pride making our home the best/cleanest it can be.

We (working) men tend to define/identify ourselves by what we do for a living, it's no different for a woman. Part of "resting" is between the ears, too. Within reason let her do "her thing" as it's actually therapeutic, but make a "concerned fuss" so she stays mindful of her physical limitations.... plus deep down wives love it when their hubby "fusses" over them with concern for their well-being.... that'll pay off after her recovery is over.

 

[DunRanull]

Perhaps a little of topic:
They say a hysterectomy takes a lot out of a girl . . . !

Sheldon

YIKES!

 

[Caveman Jim]

When things go bad because "SHE" didn't follow orders, you dear sir, will be blamed... just sayin most wemon are pig headed that way...

 

[Member 5605]

I'm kind of the same way. When I had shoulder surgery and was down for a month with limited "can do" lists... it was hard as hell to have other people help or do things for me.

She's going to have to humble herself and let others help... otherwise recovery will be 2x as long.

 

[P7M13]

Dun, a speedy recovery for her and best patience to you dealing with her inability to slow down.
I offer no wisdom, only stupid ideas: cannabis. You want a strain that has a good balance of THC and CBD to relax her mind and keep her down.
If she is not interested in smoking, I can send you a cookie recipe where you can barely taste it.

 

[aljames]

+1!! A good pot brownie will ground even the most ambitious [OCD] among us. Its natural, nonaddictive, nontoxic, and as of lately...legal. It may help with lack of appetite if present as well. Just make sure she doesn't eat more than one thinking the first one didn't work, or because they taste good