Dad jokes are not just for dads!

[Flopsweat]

What do you call a girl with one leg amputated?

Eileen

What if she's Asian?

Irene

 

[CamoDeafie]

What do you call a girl with one leg amputated?

Eileen

She works at ihop

 

[sobo]

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! I don't wanna go around in circles anymore!"

"Shut up, kid, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"

 

[CamoDeafie]

Where do rainbows go when they misbehave?

They're sent to prism. It's a light sentence and gives them time to reflect.

 

[Flopsweat]

Where do rainbows go when they misbehave?

They're sent to prism. It's a light sentence and gives them time to reflect.

Brilliant!

 

[bradsteen]

A guy makes an appointment with a psychiatrist and shows up wearing nothing but cellophane. The psychiatrist says "sir, I can clearly see you're nuts".

 

[sobo]

Where do rainbows go when they misbehave?

They're sent to prism. It's a light sentence and gives them time to reflect.

Brilliant!

How illuminating...

 

[CamoDeafie]

It's a shame that the Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

 

[Flopsweat]

How illuminating...

His humor really shines.

 

[sobo]

His humor really shines.

Glaringly so...

 

[CamoDeafie]

Did you hear about the bankrupt poet?

He ode everyone.

 

[CamoDeafie]

What sort of wisecracks does the grim reaper make with his children?

Dead jokes.

 

[bradsteen]

A pirate captain is sailing his ship with his crew when he spies a British man o' war on the horizon. He tells the cabin boy "fetch me my red shirt!", then readies his crew for battle.

The battle is fierce, but the pirates win. The cabin boy asks "why did you change shirts before the battle?"

He replies "so that if I'm wounded the men will not realize it and continue to fight."

The next day they spy an entire fleet of British man o' wars on the horizon. The Captain tells the cabin boy "fetch me my brown pants!"

 

[CamoDeafie]

My wife keeps roasting turkeys once a week, as meal prep... she can't quit cold turkey sammiches

 

[sobo]

*** grooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn ***

 

[sobo]

Her: "It's actually best if you warm it up first..."

Me: "Ahhhh... Nothing like a hot Dickens Cider..."

 

[CamoDeafie]

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They ain't got the guts to fight!

 

[CamoDeafie]

My best friend who stutters died in prison today.

Poor guy didn't even finish his sentence.

 

[sobo]

Now, as far as Dad Jokes go, that one was actually pretty good!

 

[CamoDeafie]

A hip Buddhist said that Nirvana smelled like teen spirit