Dad jokes are not just for dads!

[Richo877]

In lieu of Father's Day this year, let's crack open the history books and lay down some of our best/worst dad jokes.
You don't have to be a dad to really appreciate a good ol' dad joke. Whether they're real knee slappers, tear jerkers, groaners, witticisms, puns, pleasantries, or the ones that are just so terrible they leave you shaking your head in stupor, all welcome here!
Happy Father's Day everyone!

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[Richo877]

What did the dad buffalo say to his boy when he left for college?
Bison!

 

[Richo877]

What's the best way to carve wood?
Whittle by whittle!

 

[Xaevian]

My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it. So i bought her a candle.

 

[Flopsweat]

While I was on vacation in Australia, I visited the town of Mercy. There's a little coffee shop there that serves drinks handmade by koalas. It's fascinating to watch, but they're a little sloppy. When I tried my tea, there was a layer of leaves in the bottom of it. I remarked about this to the waitress, and she replied, "Yes, sir, the Koala Tea of Mercy is not strained."

 

[Xaevian]

Dad How do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor.

 

[Flopsweat]

There is no heliport at Neverland Ranch. Obviously.

 

[Flopsweat]

Want to see my police record?

 

[Xaevian]

What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.

 

[Flopsweat]

What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.

Do they sell the Big Gulp in Minnesota?

 

[Richo877]

Want to see my police record?

View attachment 1224772

I just started my hip hop career. I, too, have quite the rap sheet

 

[Flopsweat]

I just started my hip hop career. I, too, have quite the rap sheet

Our Chief of Police is so mean, when his kid wouldn't take a nap, he charged him with resisting a rest.

 

[Flopsweat]

I just started my hip hop career. I, too, have quite the rap sheet

What did Charlie Watts name his daughters?
Anna One and Anna Two.

 

[Richo877]

How do you know when the pepper gets too nosy? It's Jalapeño business

 

[Flopsweat]

Do Millennials measure their weight in Instagrams?

 

[Xaevian]

Dunno, but Vin Diesel eats two meals a day. Breakfast and breakfurious.

 

[Flopsweat]

Dunno, but Vin Diesel eats two meals a day. Breakfast and breakfurious.

"What kind of car do you drive?", they asked.
"A Lamborghini.", he said, sheepishly.

 

[Richo877]

I'm addicted to brake fluid, but it's ok, I can stop anytime I want.

 

[Flopsweat]

I was at one of those speed dating events and at the end, the most beautiful woman in the group still hadn't found anyone. She said, "I guess I'm still looking for the perfect match". I walked up to her, looked her right in the eyes, and handed her my lighter.

 

[Xaevian]

I've been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it's better than sitting around doing nothing.