Raising a daughter

[Oregonhunter5]

The other day she got pissed off and said she hated all of us and said she was gonna run away. She started walking through the 150 acre field next to our home bound for nowhere. The boys went and stopped her. Talked to her. Then she came home. Later that day I told her next time pack a bag because I won't allow your to create that drama in our home. It seemed to Make sense to her.

 

[Lazyfaire]

Put it all into perspective I have a friend whose 30+ year old daughter has stage 3 breast cancer.

 

[FortRock]

Raising kids is hard work and marks your life. I have a different love for my sons. One is an Iraq vet USMC. One is a sand blaster in Yellowstone. The girls ripped and tore their way into success, marriages, parenthood, and the realities of adult life in general. But they still hold up the sky for this ol' man. So many stories. I wouldn't trade it off for anything. We only had 3 rules. Now they have the same rules for their kids. How funny.

 

[FortRock]

Put it all into perspective I have a friend whose 30+ year old daughter has stage 3 breast cancer.

Our prayers.

 

[Flopsweat]

My daughter is now 24 and doing well. Yup, there were some moments...

I haven't read the entire thread but a sincere suggestion to you, @Oregonhunter5 ... Be steady, solid, reliable as Dad. You want her seeking that in a man as she gets into her 20's and beyond.

A quote from the 2012 movie Ted:
Oh, where are my manners? Lori, this is Angelique, Heavenly, Charene, and Sauvignon Blanc. I love you girls. Y'know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers I wish I could thank for this great night!

In my 20's I dated some gals who were fun but..., and looking back a common denominator seemed to be the lack of a solid Dad.

One other thing.... look in the mirror. Statistically speaking, you're the type of guy she'll (hopefully) probably wind up marrying.

"Why don't you trust him?"
"He reminds me of me."

 

[dkclark329]

I can't speak from personal experience (still a young father), so I'm far from an authority. For what it's worth, here's a few things I've tried hard to learn and believe in.

In principal, it seems that boys and girls need much of the same things, but I agree that the way girls perceive and communicate can be vastly different from boys.

• She needs to know that you're being completely honest. Don't ever lie or cover up the hard truth about what's going on in her world and the world around her. You can scale down the complexity, though, so she can understand.
• She needs responsibility and growth. It's hard to balance pushing kids to stretch themselves when they already have so much going on their lives. But she needs to continually learn that they can grow, adept, and overcome challenges. You need to trust her enough to where she can progressively take on more and more responsibility and independence.
• Be gracious yet honest about screw-ups. On the one hand, life is full of consequences. On the other, within failure is great potential for learning. It's motivating to succeed, yet there is opportunity within failure.
• The world is a dangerous, chaotic place. The more she learns, the more she'll realize how hard, and even terrifying, life can get. Help her to understand how to make sense of it and find ways to help her become more able to overcome challenges.

I hope at least some of that helps in some way. Good on you for trying to find what your daughter needs from you as a parent.

 

[Geardo]

Raising kids is hard work and marks your life. I have a different love for my sons. One is an Iraq vet USMC. One is a sand blaster in Yellowstone. The girls ripped and tore their way into success, marriages, parenthood, and the realities of adult life in general. But they still hold up the sky for this ol' man. So many stories. I wouldn't trade it off for anything. We only had 3 rules. Now they have the same rules for their kids. How funny.

What 3 rules?

 

[Olderguy]

A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life.

 

[FortRock]

What 3 rules?

Do what you're told; Be careful in your play; Never lie.

 

[Flopsweat]

What 3 rules?

Do what you're told; Be careful in your play; Never lie.

And here I was thinking

1. Sit down.
2. Shut up.
3. I said shut up dammit.

 

[SportingArms]

I have four girls. Five if you include a step. 23, 18, 14, 13 and 9. Teens are rough. Huge hormonal problems. Seriously they don't even know how dumb they sound even when they think they know it all. I went from being the next best thing to chocolate milk to being the worst dad ever.

Stay calm and play the long game. KEEP YOUR COOL. If you blow up you will only reinforce their weird anti-dad beliefs. Don't argue but stand your ground calmly. Speak to them respectfully.

They will grow out of it. ALL girls have these issues. My oldest would just burst into tears. My step resented and even me even though I took care of her when her deadbeat dad wouldn't. Then my middles ones went crazy and hate me too for making them clean up after themselves. Really? It's ok to leave food on the floor? Leave clothes all over and never contribute in household chores or anything that will help them later in life?

Good luck and you are not alone.
James

 

[L84Cabo]

Just some general thoughts and comments...


Have you had a "sit down" with her (and mom) and asked her what's going on? Why is it that she is so angry all the time and/or so upset?

Is there anything going on at school? Is she being bullied? Have you spoken to the school and have her teachers noticed any changes? Is she hanging out with a different and possibly bad group of kids?

What about medically? Could there be anything going on there? Some girls have a really hard time going through puberty and dealing with the hormonal changes. It might be worth at least a conversation with her doctor and see if they have any thoughts on this.

No offense here but could she be on drugs? Because that could account for the mood swings you're seeing.

Have you thought about having her speak with a therapist/counselor? And/or you and mom going in with her to talk about things together?

 

[Member 5605]

Is this why your being a turd lately? Passing the stress on to NWFA members?

I don't have a daughter. I'm glad. If she was anything like my wife when growing up there'd be hell to pay.

 

[Oregonhunter5]

Is this why your being a turd lately? Passing the stress on to NWFA members?

I don't have a daughter. I'm glad. If she was anything like my wife when growing up there'd be hell to pay.

You calling me a turd?

 

[Member 5605]

You calling me a turd?

Nah. Just a smelly friend. (Don't tell my family they get called turds too..)

 

[Oregonhunter5]

Nah. Just a smelly friend. (Don't tell my family they get called turds too..)

I'm sorry
I didn't mean to be a butt. I will watch that more closely. Unless it's ant trump stuff then I express my butthole smells

 

[Member 5605]

I'm sorry
I didn't mean to be a butt. I will watch that more closely. Unless it's ant trump stuff then I express my butthole smells

We're all under stress and I was an arse lately with my family.
I also have to deal with about a hundred students ½ my age online and I have to remember. Not. Easy.

So hard. But seriously, family stress we all know pours over to the rest of our life functions. It's good to know the source of some of some people's stress. Makes easy to not dance on that topic.

 

[Oregonhunter5]

We're all under stress and I was an arse lately with my family.
I also have to deal with about a hundred students ½ my age online and I have to remember. Not. Easy.

So hard. But seriously, family stress we all know pours over to the rest of our life functions. It's good to know the source of some of some people's stress. Makes easy to not dance on that topic.

In actuality she's easy.
I'm just warn out from all the projects we've been doing since staying at home lately. Too busy.
But god bless you teachers. That would be hard.

 

[ditchtiger]

You gotta love her enough to be a father, not her friend.

Could never get my wife to do this, "be the boss, not their friend". And the wife get mad when the kids obey me but not her.
It's called the father's curse.