De-escalation Tactics Training?

[raindog]

Recently I was hiking at the Sandy River Delta and had a verbal confrontation with another individual. Long story short, despite my attempts to calmly disengage, he was very aggressive with his words. For several long minutes, I was concerned that he was going to take things to another level. Fortunately, he just spat insults and moved on. I think he was a fry or two short of a happy meal.

It made me realize that my "verbal judo" could be improved. I'd like to be able to deescalate situations better when possible. And have a game plan so when someone begins going down a confrontational path, I have a better toolkit to lower the energy level.

I'm curious if anyone knows of any training, video, online course, YouTube series, or whatever that they'd recommend for handling situations like this? I know police, security, etc. are trained on how to deescalate but I've never worked in those fields.

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[Andy54Hawken]

A few things from someone who deals with escalated people every day.

Stay away from the word "need" ...
As in "You need to_____".
Never a good idea to say that to someone who is escalated.

5 words or less when giving instructions.

You cannot use reason with people who are being unreasonable.

You , the non-escalated person always have the option to disengage and leave...
As much as this may be a temporary hassle...it may be the best at the end of the day , so to speak.

Space...keep your space and give space to the escalated person

"I hear you"..."Help me understand"..."What I hear you saying is____"

'You look_____ Is this true...?

Ask simple yes or no questions...

Give tasks in a "first this...then that " manner ....

Do not say : " I understand".....that can serve to escalate things / anger the other person...

Empathy not sympathy...

Andy

 

[Gigatar]

Probably not too much help here, but I took a Mediation course while in college to satisfy some required credits.

The most pertinent lesson is that people want to be heard.

Repeat back to them, what they said to you. Then ask for confirmation/"was that correct?"

Again, this tactic is more for being a mediator between two people, but I have used it to de-escalate a situation or two before.

 

[gearhead]

A few things from someone who deals with escalated people every day.

Stay away from the word "need" ...
As in "You need to_____".
Never a good idea to say that to someone who is escalated.

5 words or less when giving instructions.

You cannot use reason with people who are being unreasonable.

You , the non-escalated person always have the option to disengage and leave...
As much as this may be a temporary hassle...it may be the best at the end of the day , so to speak.

Space...keep your space and give space to the escalated person

"I hear you"..."Help me understand"..."What I hear you saying is____"

'You look_____ Is this true...?

Ask simple yes or no questions...

Give tasks in a "first this...then that " manner ....

Do not say : " I understand".....that can serve to escalate things / anger the other person...

Empathy not sympathy...

Andy

Don't L.E.A.P. me!

 

[JoshR]

Recently I was hiking at the Sandy River Delta and had a verbal confrontation with another individual. Long story short, despite my attempts to calmly disengage, he was very aggressive with his words. For several long minutes, I was concerned that he was going to take things to another level. Fortunately, he just spat insults and moved on. I think he was a fry or two short of a happy meal.

It made me realize that my "verbal judo" could be improved. I'd like to be able to deescalate situations better when possible. And have a game plan so when someone begins going down a confrontational path, I have a better toolkit to lower the energy level.

I'm curious if anyone knows of any training, video, online course, YouTube series, or whatever that they'd recommend for handling situations like this? I know police, security, etc. are trained on how to deescalate but I've never worked in those fields.

Curious as to what the situation was, but sounds like you got a favorable result. As the other replies mentioned, I always find listening to the complaints (valid or otherwise) a good base.


That being said, hard to win an argument with a fool.

I realize that makes me sound fuddier than I am.

 

[Andy54Hawken]

Don't L.E.A.P. me!

Frog around and .....end up in the skillet with some butter ....
Andy

 

[monkeybutler]

A few things from someone who deals with escalated people every day.

Stay away from the word "need" ...
As in "You need to_____".
Never a good idea to say that to someone who is escalated.

5 words or less when giving instructions.

You cannot use reason with people who are being unreasonable.

You , the non-escalated person always have the option to disengage and leave...
As much as this may be a temporary hassle...it may be the best at the end of the day , so to speak.

Space...keep your space and give space to the escalated person

"I hear you"..."Help me understand"..."What I hear you saying is____"

'You look_____ Is this true...?

Ask simple yes or no questions...

Give tasks in a "first this...then that " manner ....

Do not say : " I understand".....that can serve to escalate things / anger the other person...

Empathy not sympathy...

Andy

Yeah. And avoid any imperative statements. Even "take care" can set someone off.

 

[roseburger]

Yeah. And avoid any imperative statements. Even "take care" can set someone off.

Well bless your heart.

 

[Andy54Hawken]

At the end of the day....
You can do everything by whatever de-escalation book or class , etc...
And still have this as the result :


Which happens when you are working with unreasonable people from time to time.
Andy

 

[gearhead]

While I tease Andy, the L.E.A.P. model has been effective in my experience, as long as the person you're speaking with is unfamiliar with it. (listen, empathize, ask questions, paraphrase) again, in my limited experience, de-escalation usually involves an inverse proportion of patience between you and the other party. If they feel they are heard and understood, that usually does the trick. As someone else mentioned, some people cannot be reasoned with for a variety of reasons. If possible, disengaging and leaving can be the best option, even if it's hard for our ego to deal with. When I was carrying a gun for the man, that was not an option, but I found that letting folks vent for 5-10 minutes usually calmed them down and we could go about our business without any paperwork.

Just my two cents.

 

[gearhead]

Yeah. And avoid any imperative statements. Even "take care" can set someone off.

"Bless your heart" and "hang in there" are my two favorite low key F-you's.

 

[1775usmc]

Check out Craig Douglas with ShivWorks either in class or on YouTube. A lot of knife and gun defense but also verbal escalation and deescalation as well.

 

[Stomper]

"Bless your heart" and "hang in there" are my two favorite low key F-you's.

Or..... "I hope you have your boater's endorsement, because your head is about to become a canoe"!










OK, maybe after you give some projected "empathy" and verbal hugs a try first....

I've also seen first hand how a belt-fed machinegun pointed in someone's general direction can cause most people to change their posture.

 

[Alexx1401]

Or..... "I hope you have your boater's endorsement, because your head is about to become a canoe"!




OK, maybe after you give some projected "empathy" and verbal hugs a try first....

I've also seen first hand how a belt-fed machinegun pointed in someone's general direction can cause most people to change their posture.

At work I "have" to do this. The rest of the time? Not so much. My go to is walk away. While back I had one run in with an asshat where I live. I just said you know there are 20 acres of land back there that no one is going to do anything with till long after I am gone and I have a backhoe. How far do you really want to push this? He decided he did not

 

[monkeybutler]

Well bless your heart.

The thing I really love about the south is the clever language.

 

[PiratePast40]

While I tease Andy, the L.E.A.P. model has been effective in my experience, as long as the person you're speaking with is unfamiliar with it. (listen, empathize, ask questions, paraphrase) again, in my limited experience, de-escalation usually involves an inverse proportion of patience between you and the other party. If they feel they are heard and understood, that usually does the trick. As someone else mentioned, some people cannot be reasoned with for a variety of reasons. If possible, disengaging and leaving can be the best option, even if it's hard for our ego to deal with. When I was carrying a gun for the man, that was not an option, but I found that letting folks vent for 5-10 minutes usually calmed them down and we could go about our business without any paperwork.

Just my two cents.

Thanks for the recommendation. The method, and variations, is part of several de-escalation techniques that I've heard of or have been parts of classroom topics. It's always a good idea to review and practice the techniques since you rarely have much warning when someone is climbing the crisis mountain.

 

[PiratePast40]

Recently I was hiking at the Sandy River Delta and had a verbal confrontation with another individual. Long story short, despite my attempts to calmly disengage, he was very aggressive with his words. For several long minutes, I was concerned that he was going to take things to another level. Fortunately, he just spat insults and moved on. I think he was a fry or two short of a happy meal.

It made me realize that my "verbal judo" could be improved. I'd like to be able to deescalate situations better when possible. And have a game plan so when someone begins going down a confrontational path, I have a better toolkit to lower the energy level.

I'm curious if anyone knows of any training, video, online course, YouTube series, or whatever that they'd recommend for handling situations like this? I know police, security, etc. are trained on how to deescalate but I've never worked in those fields.

Do a search for L.E.A.P. Model. I found the AI result had a pretty good breakdown summary. You can dive deeper using some of the links you find.

 

[VinnieBoomBah]

Maybe get a service industry job, like fast food counter or a grocery store clerk in Nov and Dec

 

[Nosferatu]

Biting them in the neck usually settles them down.

 

[dangerranger60]

I worked for a long time in a large jail. They trained and stressed deescalation, But there are a certain amount of people who do not want a deescalation. They escalate because it gets them what they want. But those are also the ones that are experts in knowing when you are not going to back down. they immediately recognize those that will bite back. DR