Dad jokes are not just for dads!

[Flopsweat]

Where can I get water around here? I looked where you're pointing but I don't see that well.

 

[Xaevian]

What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO.

 

[Yarome]

I'm finally getting rid of my winter fat. Now I have spring rolls.

I told my girl she had drawn her eyebrows on a bit high. She looked suprised.

 

[Flopsweat]

I didn't like this new haircut at first, but it's growing on me.

 

[Member 45541]

Me: When I was young I had asked my dad if he ever had a pet that he absolutely loved.

Dad: "Yes son, I had this dog that was like my best friend! Unfortunately, one day while I was mowing the yard, he knocked over the gas can and started lapping up all the gasoline. Before I could stop him, he started running round and round and round in a circle in the driveway.........then he just fell over.

Me: Listening with the utmost fascination I asked, "Well, what happened?!"

Dad: What do you think happened son, he ran out of gas!

Me:

 

[Richo877]

Just like mountains, that's hill areas!

 

[Richo877]

Been searching forever, and man, it's been a lot tougher than I though to find a decent roll model.

 

[Flopsweat]

Last night I dreamt that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

 

[Flopsweat]

Last night I dreamt that I was a pony that was running around screaming all day. The dream was so real I woke up a little horse.

 

[Xaevian]

I asked 100 women what kind of soap they prefer to use while in the shower. The most popular answer was "how the frick did you get in here?".

 

[Xaevian]

What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.

 

[Richo877]

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other's a little lighter.

 

[Xaevian]

Thinking of having my ashes stored in a clear, glass urn after I die. Remains to be seen.

 

[Flopsweat]

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other's a little lighter.

What's the difference between beer nuts and dear nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.39 and deer nuts are just under a buck.

 

[Richo877]

 

[Flopsweat]

Someone turned off the air conditioning again. It's like 90 out there. Not cool.

 

[Flopsweat]

I'd tell you my time travel joke, but you didn't like it.

 

[made in china]

I recently lost my phone and my dog.

Fortunately both have collar ID

 

[Flopsweat]

In high school I beat the chess champion in three moves. He was really upset about that, not the losing so much, probably more because they were karate moves.

 

[Richo877]