Chaos in the elevator

[GrayGoose]

I had a business meeting in a high-rise in downtown the other day. Afterwards, got on an elevator half-full of people. The doors closed, and the synthetic female voice from the elevator speakers said "going down" which always intrigues me. Anyway just as we began our descent, I yelled "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" and 15 seconds later I ripped a nice one. Just then the elevator reached the lobby floor, the doors opened, and as I exited so did all the Karens (and male Karens too, might call them Kenny's but they probably identify as Karens anyway, because, Portland...), anyway all those Karens were gasping and whining and complaining about how rude and inconsiderate that was. Well, I warned them. What more do they want of me? Hold it in, take another elevator, not eat beans, what? Jeesh, people these days!

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[Member 53867]

Say nothing. "He who smelt it, dealt it" has ALWAYS been the rule.

 

[DB is Here]

dé·jà vu
[ˌdāZHä ˈvo͞o]
noun

1. a feeling of having already experienced the present situation.
   
   
   

 

[Certaindeaf]

You just know they all sped away driving their fart-canned cars, deafening innocent little babies along the way.. 24/7.

 

[Nosferatu]

You're not gonna be a penthouse pauper.

 

[P7M13]

No need to announce hotwork in an elevator.
Everyone knows an enclosed space is fair game.

 

[Knobgoblin]

Standing in my own pew right now,
Nope, I am not in church.

The dog is unfazed

 

[Xaevian]

If they only still wore those covid masks, they would never have smelled it. Lol.

 

[Joe13]

Well unfortunately this type of thing is subjective and 200 responses on a negative topic looks better on a gun forum then a few satire threads so whenever the person the deleted the last similar thread sees this I would guess this one will be in the 'never was here keep moving along box'

 

[arakboss]

NB4 wet blanket gets thrown on this party.

 

[DB is Here]

NB4 wet blanket gets thrown on this party.

Now don't be Wired...I mean Weird.

 

[arakboss]

I had a business meeting in a high-rise in downtown the other day. Afterwards, got on an elevator half-full of people. The doors closed, and the synthetic female voice from the elevator speakers said "going down" which always intrigues me. Anyway just as we began our descent, I yelled "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" and 15 seconds later I ripped a nice one. Just then the elevator reached the lobby floor, the doors opened, and as I exited so did all the Karens (and male Karens too, might call them Kenny's but they probably identify as Karens anyway, because, Portland...), anyway all those Karens were gasping and whining and complaining about how rude and inconsiderate that was. Well, I warned them. What more do they want of me? Hold it in, take another elevator, not eat beans, what? Jeesh, people these days!

You gave them plenty of time to put their nose plugs in. When are people going to learn.

BTW these will pull double duty.

 

[washagonian]

This sounds like the "CHAOS at the Range" thread that got started - and closed - this past week.

So, if I follow the same logic and procedures I outlined in my post in that thread, here's what I would have done:

Without a EFSO present (Elevator Fart Safety Officer), if I am the one who calls the elevator "hot" (imminent fart output), I would:

1. Hold in the fart
2. Check with everyone in the elevator to see if they are ready for the elevator to go "hot" (e.g. that a fart is imminent)
3. Make sure everyone has donned protective gear (nostril plugs - as suggested by @arakboss above)
4. For those that do not have protective gear, I would make sure that they squeeze their nostrils shut and hold their breath
5. Only then would I call the elevator "hot" and do my "mag dump" of gastrointestinal flatulence
6. Only when I'm sure my "mag dump" is complete would I call the elevator "cold" (safe)
7. Then I pause and smile, waiting for their reaction (cause I'm a "dick")

TWYLALTR

Cheers

 

[Caveman Jim]

I've been known to let out the dreaded "SBD"in enclosed spaces before, you know the nervous bowl syndrome…

 

[Knobgoblin]

Another Beta thread.

 

[Indy62]

Oh my..

 

[FATAL125]

I had a business meeting in a high-rise in downtown the other day. Afterwards, got on an elevator half-full of people. The doors closed, and the synthetic female voice from the elevator speakers said "going down" which always intrigues me. Anyway just as we began our descent, I yelled "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" and 15 seconds later I ripped a nice one. Just then the elevator reached the lobby floor, the doors opened, and as I exited so did all the Karens (and male Karens too, might call them Kenny's but they probably identify as Karens anyway, because, Portland...), anyway all those Karens were gasping and whining and complaining about how rude and inconsiderate that was. Well, I warned them. What more do they want of me? Hold it in, take another elevator, not eat beans, what? Jeesh, people these days!

You were supposed to yell "range is hot!"...

By yelling this and waiting roughly 15 seconds before dumping you free yourself from any and all responsibility...

I mean honestly its their fault for not having the proper PPE before you cut loose...

 

[FATAL125]

Standing in my own pew right now,
Nope, I am not in church.

The dog is unfazed

Wafting... wafting...

 

[DB is Here]

Off Topic....Where threads go to die...

 

[Knobgoblin]