Are You Working On Being A Better......?

[arakboss]

My wife has recently pointed out my poor performance as a spouse. As a result I have examined my performance in other life roles as a father, a son, a sibling, a friend, a constituent, a resident, a consumer, a debtor, a neighbor, an employee, a forum member and the list goes on and on. I have determined that I have not been doing very well filling any of these roles. My time feels like it is already spread very thin but there are so many people and places that would like my attention.

If you have been trying to improve your performance in filling any these life roles, how have you found the time to do it?

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[Alexx1401]

While watching some of the talk people I often find myself lacking in different area's. When I do I "try" to do better. An old saying I love is something along the lines of I wish I was the person my dog thinks I am. When I come home in the morning and my Dogs act the way they do I see I have a LONG way to go

 

[TTSX]

It doesn't take additional time, it's takes spending the same time differently.

Maybe instead of buying a new gun and spending hours figuring out how you can modify it, spend the same money on a fancy night out with the wife. Or a weekend at the coast. Something nice as a couple.

Being a "better" person doesn't take any extra effort at all

 

[arakboss]

It doesn't take additional time, it's takes spending the same time differently.

Maybe instead of buying a new gun and spending hours figuring out how you can modify it, spend the same money on a fancy night out with the wife. Or a weekend at the coast. Something nice as a couple.

Being a "better" person doesn't take any extra effort at all

Being an extremely value oriented consumer (cheap dastard) is something I need to unlearn. We went out for early morning donut run at Sesame donuts in Sherwood on Saturday before I went to work and it cost me over $20 for six donuts. It just about killed me. That was 25% of the cost of the like new C9 hi point I bought later that morning before my shift started.

 

[oremike]

First you've got to get right with yourself before you can get right with the world. Saying buying your wife donuts almost killed you might be a good place to start looking at yourself. One would think time with your wife and the money spent would be a good investment in your future over any firearm.

 

[Nosferatu]

The last thing I need to do is raise expectations.

 

[ilikegunspdx]

Yet another project. Finish all the previous ones first. $3 per day on food, etc, etc, etc, etc threads.

 

[Heyjoe]

We're all a work in progress. Anyone who claims different is lying.

 

[moose]

My wife has recently pointed out my poor performance as a spouse. As a result I have examined my performance in other life roles as a father, a son, a sibling, a friend, a constituent, a resident, a consumer, a debtor, a neighbor, an employee, a forum member and the list goes on and on. I have determined that I have not been doing very well filling any of these roles. My time feels like it is already spread very thin but there are so many people and places that would like my attention.

If you have been trying to improve your performance in filling any these life roles, how have you found the time to do it?

You know, if this is constructive criticism and limited quantities, this is fine. However, my wife is a master manipulator. What she may see as my flaws are not always objectively flaws.

ETA: She doesn't have any flaws, just ask.

 

[arakboss]

You know, if this is constructive criticism and limited quantities, this is fine. However, my wife is a master manipulator. What she may see as my flaws are not always objectively flaws.

If her goal was to get all the extra attention for herself, then she messed up. I have sick and aging parents, two sons I rarely see, friends who have been trying to get me to go shooting with for many many months, along with many others who would like to hear from me once in a while. There is only so much of me to go around as I have been working 6 days a week (double shifts on some Fridays) since November. My gun safe space is a disaster and my cabin property is going to be vying for some of my attention once the snow melts. The days need to get longer or I need to learn some magic.

 

[moose]

If her goal was to get all the extra attention for herself, then she messed up. I have sick and aging parents, two sons I rarely see, friends who have been trying to get me to go shooting with for many many months, along with many others who would like to hear from me once in a while. There is only so much of me to go around as I have been working 6 days a week (double shifts on some Fridays) since November. My gun safe space is a disaster and my cabin property is going to be vying for some of my attention once the snow melts. The days need to get longer or I need to learn some magic.

Don't feel too bad dude, there are people in worse situations than you.

 

[arakboss]

Don't feel too bad dude, there are people in worse situations than you.

My problems are definitely first world problems and I shouldn't be worried about them.

 

[teflon6string]

... acoustic guitarist.

 

[albin25]

Out of my heartfelt consideration for the feelings of others, I have made a conscious effort to not perfect my perfection. I don't want to hurt the feelings of those around me that are inadequate.



( my wife's opinion may vary)

 

[Unicykle]

I'm perfect so no room for improvement.

 

[Andy54Hawken]

I would suggest to .....
Pick on thing to work on...in a given area.
It can be overwhelming when a task is....
I want to be a better spouse...
Well great....how...?

So...
Pick one thing to work on in that particular area to get better at...something singular and specific.
Rather than just a large and generic be a better spouse idea..

Andy

 

[titsonritz]

 

[Cavedweller]

I want to be a better spouse...
Well great....how...?

Andy's post is great advice. As far as how, have you thought about asking her? A good place to start is, "What one thing could I change to improve our relationship?" Ask her to be specific, and set a goal to meet. Then work on that. Often times being better in a role is more about changing behavior than having more time. She'll probably have a list, so ask her what one thing is most important right now. When change #1 becomes a habit, you can move on to #2.

As far as your different roles, sounds like you need to do some prioritizing. Make a list and decide which are most important to you and how much time each consumes vice how much time you have to spend. Rank them. Dump or restrict those roles which are of lower priority.

And finally, why would you buy a Hi Point? Seriously.

 

[slimmer13]

For alot of men, an investment in themselves will make their life and by proxy the lives of those around them better.

No idea if any of these things apply to the OP, but in general, a few things that would improve the lives of most men are.

Put down the phone
Strength train
Eat better (more high quality meat and less processed carbs and sugar)
Get good sleep
Stop watching porn
Stop jerking off
Stop drinking
Do hard things (find something that you suck at and get good at it)

It's not a coincidence that alot of these things increase T. Modern society is chock full of things that are destructive to T levels. It's hard to have healthy relationships and not be depressed without healthy T levels.

 

[arakboss]

While my wife has been the catalyst for this recent review of my relationship failures. I have been neglecting a lot (most) of the people in my life. Our relationship could definitely be improved, but I would like to work on improving my relationships with all my friends and family. In some cases I can kill two or more birds with one stone, if my wife can be involved as well.

I would also like to improve my relationship with money so I am not such a tightwad. I spend my money faster than I earn it but frugalness is still king as I spend it.