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A mothers wisdom

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by pokerace, May 22, 2012.

  1. pokerace

    pokerace Newberg Well-Known Member

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    I Owe My Mother

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
    "Because I said so, that's why."

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7. My mother taught me IRONY .
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM .
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this
    world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
    "Just wait until we get home."

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
    You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

    > 19. My mother taught me ESP .
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    > 20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
    "You're just like your father."

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
    "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    > And my favorite:
    25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

    > Only you folks my age understand these profound statements!!!
    But, there is one missing from this list ~~ My personal all time favorite!!

    My mother taught me about CHOICE .
    "Do you want me to stop this car?"