What firearms would Santa own...?

[tdemore1743x]

I'd say Santa has his own ICBM's and heavy artillery like that

 

[Stomper]

My vision of Santa uses a knife...











And has a mullet.

 

[CountryGent]

Santa better be packing; never known when Martians show up with Whammo Blasters.


Well, according to the 1964 released crime against humanity (but still a family tradition to watch) known as Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sd_NklaAc4w


Merry Christmas all!

 

[Cavedweller]

Probably something sled mounted, like this:

 

[albin25]

I'm certain that he'll choose wisely…..
…. and he'll have plenty of backup.

 

[ilikegunspdx]

Apparently there's a shortage of elves, so they have been training new recruits to knock together some
toys.

ScreenRecording_12-24-2025 22-51-45_1.mov

• ilikegunspdx
• Dec 25, 2025

 

[OrPackrat]

Idk, im thinking Santa may be rocking a 1911 and the B.A.R.

 

[jordanvraptor]

Probably trades a lot with the Russians and Finns so Mosin Nagant and Tokarev…

 

[PORSCHE928S4]

I believe Santa would have a blunderbuss loaded with 00 glitter !

 

[nammac]

I think Santa's a bit old school, packing a pair of nickel plated Colt SAA's with ivory grips in God caliber .45 Long Colt.

That should take care of most anything he encounters.

 

[quneur]

What would someone carry when committing home invasions?

I'd say a glock with a switch and a plate carrier with type IV plates under that heavy coat.

 

[bcp]

Santa is tiny!

...
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
...
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
...






Bruce

 

[Oxygen Mask]

To paraphrase Colonel Kilgore from Apocalypse Now....
I love the smell of eggnog in the morning.....It smells like Christmas....

Perhaps Santa has a Huey UH-1C Gunship....
Andy

I used to have a UH1B. I had so many wonderful adventures with that chopper.
Then one time I left it on the living room floor and my dad stepped on it. 60 years later I'm still bummed.

I had a 1960 Ferrari TS250 too...

 

[gmerkt]

Kusan K-Gun, red rubber toy that shoots ping pong balls.

 

[titsonritz]

According to video evidence, Santa is a total badass and will use anything he can lay his hands on including his attacker's own weapons (and leg bones).

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vgO5JL9IIRI

 

[toonerfrank]

Sidewinders on the sleigh, and of course, a big bag of firearms for me being a good boy.

 

[toonerfrank]

According to video evidence, Santa is a total badass and will use anything he can lay his hands on including his attacker's own weapons (and leg bones).

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vgO5JL9IIRI

a surprisingly good movie!

 

[titsonritz]

a surprisingly good movie!

I was shocked too

 

[bradsteen]

Gonna go with the HK G11, because if you're magical and you can summon anything, why not something unobtanium.

 

[40nascar]

Gonna go with the HK G11, because if you're magical and you can summon anything, why not something unobtanium.

Good point. With that in mind, a Colt Boa revolver, Browning Bar .338 win mag rifle ( for mr grizzly or polar bear).