Practical Jokes

[Capn Jack]

My favorite, "Range Joke" is with my .458S.
It is set up like an M4 AR15 but makes an all together different sound when fired.

If someone asks me what it is I say, "It's a borrowed rifle and I'm not sure."

At this point I reach into my pocket and pull out a 5.56 and a 7.62x39 dummy cartridges.
I drop a 5.56 into the chamber and it falls out of the muzzle. Nope, not that one.
Then I drop the 7.62x39 into the chamber and it also falls out of the end of the barrel. Not that one either

By this time, the smile on my face lets them know they've been had and I show them a .458S cartridge.

 

[Diamondback]

The only one I still pull on Wife is with Alexa. She always has the one in the kitchen playing when she is doing stuff in there. If she walks away I will whisper to the machine "play Frank Sinatra". Then see how long it takes her when she comes back in the room to start yelling ALEXA STOP

What's wrong with Sinatra?
Alexa, play Frank ZAPPA...

 

[Capn Jack]

How about Johnny Cash, or Hank Williams Jr., or Bob Seger, or Nicole Scherzinger ?

 

[Diamondback]

Guess that's taste. Cash I'm good with, Williams sounds whiny, Seger I usually just find loud... Scherzinger, NO. Just NO.

 

[Capn Jack]

They've all got at least one song I can relate to.

 

[gearhead]

Update: they were discovered prior to consumption. Oh well.

One of the better ones pulled on me -

My shop on one of the ships I was stationed on had no ventilation other than the fume hood used when welding. We had a squirrel cage fan bungeed by the door to keep some sort of air flowing, as summer patrols in the eastern pacific tended to be warm. Once in a while, someone needed the outlet and had to unplug the fan, no big deal as long as it was plugged back in. Well, for a few days in a row I'd come in and find the fan unplugged. Many curses and speculation about my coworkers lineage were uttered, and my blood pressure rose steadily. One day as I plugged in the fan during a particularly loud inquiry into which cretin lacked common decency this time, I experienced the wonder of seeing my shop disappear in a cloud of baby powder. It had been a setup to condition my response for days. At that point all I could do was laugh and swear revenge.

Than fan was never plugged in without checking for baby powder ever again.

 

[Provincial]

Don't start prank wars with fishermen or septic truck guys.

Or farmers!

 

[Hawaiian]

On April Fools Day I chose my good friend Bert for my victim. Bert is a short chubby Japanese guy with coke bottle glasses. He always backed his car into the parking space at work.
I tied a blow up doll dressed in red and black lace panties and bra to the back bumper of his car. I taped a sign on her that read, "Honk if you're Horny".
Our boss handed him a packet and told him to deliver it to a client across town, Honolulu Ship Yard. The client is also a friend and knew what was happening.
So, off Bert went driving through town with people honking at him the whole way. They knew it was April Fools day. They would pull up along side him and then crack up laughing when Bert would give them a dirty look through his coke bottle glasses. When he arrived at the ship yard he saw the doll on the back of his car. He was pissed and tore it off the car and stormed off with it under his arm to the clients office. All of the ship yard workers saw him and started wolf whistling and cat calling him which pissed him off even more.
When he came back to our office he was red in the face and I ran out the back door.

 

[Provincial]

This happened over 60 years ago, so the conditions probably couldn't be duplicated now. This was a very small town.

The local dentist and his son were avid duck hunters, and had bought a piece of rural property that had a gully that was fed by a year-round spring. The built a "farm pond" and due to the spring, it filled up with the first rains of the Fall, so it had water for the ducks for at least a month before any other duck lake in the area.

The local duck hunting crowd was very tight-knit, and regularly invited guests to hunt. The dentist and son were not as generous with invitations, and formed a clique that hunted the lake without "sharing" with the rest of the locals. They hunted on Wednesdays and Sundays. This lead to some resentment, since there were some who missed out on some of the best hunting of the early season.

My brother, who was about 10 years old at the time, had started collecting cartridges, and had a large number of fired shotgun shells. One day in late Summer, our father asked if he could have some of these fired shells. Permission was granted, and he chose about half a garbage can of high-brass hunting load empties. Months later, he shared with us the reason for needing these shells.

A group had started saving up duck and goose feathers, empty beer and hard liquor bottles, cigar and cigarette butts, playing card decks, and leftover lunch food/trash. One Tuesday in November they sneaked onto the dentist's duck lake property and scattered around these debris in a manner that suggested that a band of poachers has descended on the lake, shot up all the ducks, partied hard, and left a mess.

Upon arriving Wednesday morning, the dentist and his party became very angry and reported the incident to the local State Police Game Warden, who promised to find the culprits. Since he was one of the conspirators, the investigation didn't go far! There was a great amount of frustration about the lack of progress in the investigation, which greatly amused the pranksters. Months went by without any results.

Almost a year later, my brother and I were talking to the dentist's son, who said to my brother, "I have something for you." It was a cardboard box full of the empty shells!

After that, more guests were invited there to hunt.

 

[red442joe]

Don't start prank wars with fishermen or septic truck guys.

Auto mechanics....
10 ounce wheel weight;
Long heavy zip-tie;
Sandwich baggies;
Rubber glove;
Transmission assembly lube;
ArmourAll;
Zep Injector;
Extra lug-nut;
Squeeze bottle of motor oil;
And, my go-to, Anti-Sieze.

Joe

 

[kmk1012]

Auto mechanics....
10 ounce wheel weight;
Long heavy zip-tie;
Sandwich baggies;
Rubber glove;
Transmission assembly lube;
ArmourAll;
Zep Injector;
Extra lug-nut;
Squeeze bottle of motor oil;
And, my go-to, Anti-Sieze.

Joe

Ah yes, the heavy wheel weights. I suggest, as a former tire monkey, to not ask too many times when you car will be done, especially when you can clearly see that everyone is running as quick as they can. Asking and being a pr!ck can assure that a return trip will be necessary to resolve a vibration issue.

 

[Certaindeaf]

Auto mechanics....
10 ounce wheel weight;
Long heavy zip-tie;
Sandwich baggies;
Rubber glove;
Transmission assembly lube;
ArmourAll;
Zep Injector;
Extra lug-nut;
Squeeze bottle of motor oil;
And, my go-to, Anti-Sieze.

Joe

That reminded me.. vaseline on the wiper blades. A seemingly permanent smear of invisible something will linger for a very long time after many attempts to remove. Do not do as could cause death.

 

[kmk1012]

One of my favorite as a former car "mechanic" was to jack up someone's car and block the frame or diff just high enough to get the tires off the ground and not have the suspension hanging at all.

 

[MikeInOr]

In college, many years ago, a buddy bought some cigarette loads and loaded up a couple Marlboros in his brothers pack.

We were watching some action movie, Jon Claud VanDam I think, and his brother is lounging on the couch and lights up a cigarette. A minute later "BANG!!!" and the cigarette filter is in his mouth with the rest of the cigarette disintegrated. The look on his brothers face was priceless!!!! The rest of us were all pretty much in shock.

Three hours later his brother randomly pulled out the second loaded cigarette and lit it... It was even funnier the second time! I damn near pissed my pants I was laughing so hard! This was after he swore on their mothers grave that he only loaded one cigarette... (their mother wasn't dead.) The best part about the second load was Joe was RED FACED P'dOff!!! But when he tried to cuss his brother out he started laughing so hard that he couldn't force an expletive out of his mouth!

Exploding Cigarette Loads - Joke

PLEASE NOTE: Our suppliers have stopped manufacturing this item, so for the time being the stock at hand is all we can provide. If you would like us to put you on a waiting list in case we find a new supplier, please let us know. Cigarette loads, a classic practical joke for smokers. Push a...

www.magicinc.net

I couldn't believe they sold such a thing at the time... I can't believe that they are still for sale! He just pulled some of the tobacco out of the cigarette with tweezers, shoved the load in and replaced the tobacco. The further you push it in the longer until it lights off. It was about the volume and power of a cap gun.

 

[ditchtiger]

Use a length of 2x4 long enough to reach both steer tires of a forklift. As the driver as the driver is watching the forks place it against the tires. When he backs up let out a very loud yell as the tires bounce over the board. The last guy took a couple minutes to recompose himself.

 

[Alexx1401]

The one about work jogged a great memory. Machine shop started a grave shift. Only a handful of us on it. Foreman walks up to one guy acts like he is looking at the operation he is running, tapes a note to guys back saying "I LIKE BOYS". He is working like this, all of us are having a giggle. Lunch was at 4am. We did not see the guy leave. He put his machine in motion and took off to run up to the stop'n'rob to grab lunch. He is still wearing his shop apron. 7 -11. At that time had deli and one of their offerings was a foot long dog. So this guy walks in, 2 guys sitting at a little table start laughing. He ignores them figuring they are high. He tells girl at counter he wants a foot long dog. Now the 2 guys at table literally fall on the floor laughing. He asks the girl at counter if those guys are high on acid or something. She comes around counter and pulls note off his back, tells him this is what they are laughing at. He comes back and saw little too no humor in what had happened but foreman did also fall on the floor laughing so hard when he found out. While laying on the floor was trying to apologize saying he would have never let him walk out the building with the note on but had no idea he had left. I don't think that guy ever really got over it.

 

[Alexx1401]

In college many years ago a buddy bought some cigarette loads and loaded up a couple Marlboros in his brothers pack.

We were watching some action movie, Jon Claud VanDam I think, and his brother is lounging on the couch and lights up a cigarette. A minute later "BANG!!!" and the cigarette filter is in his mouth with the rest of the cigarette disintegrated. The look on his brothers face was priceless!!!!

Three hours later he randomly pulled out the second loaded cigarette and lit it... It was even funnier the second time! I damn near pissed my pants I was laughing so hard!

Exploding Cigarette Loads - Joke

PLEASE NOTE: Our suppliers have stopped manufacturing this item, so for the time being the stock at hand is all we can provide. If you would like us to put you on a waiting list in case we find a new supplier, please let us know. Cigarette loads, a classic practical joke for smokers. Push a...

www.magicinc.net

I couldn't believe they sold such a thing at the time... I can't believe that they are still for sale! He just pulled some of the tobacco out of the cigarette, shoved the load in and replaced the tobacco. The further you push it in the longer until it lights off.

When I was a kid those were all the rage for a while. I too am shocked they still sell the damn things. Surprised they have not been lawyers out of selling them. Had not seen or heard of them in 50 years.

 

[ditchtiger]

When I was a kid those were all the rage for a while. I too am shocked they still sell the damn things. Surprised they have not been lawyers out of selling them. Had not seen or heard of them in 50 years.

The little firecrackers that have a string at each end to pull and pop. cut the strings off, they will explode in a cigarette.
So I've heard, not that I would know, I would never.

 

[MikeInOr]

One of the guys I worked with would bring his golf clubs into work every Thursday and put them in the corner so they wouldn't be stolen out of his car. One of our other coworkers pulled the socks off of the woods, wound huge globs of packing tape around the heads and replaced the socks.

The next morning the coworker came in and started cockily asking about how his golf game went yesterday. The coworker plopped down on his chair like he usually did and a big plume of black photocopier toner filled the air around the seat as he recognized the chair felt funny for some reason.

 

[ditchtiger]

one of the shops I worked in was this guy with a Harley. Kept it in immaculate condition and he was proud of it. The shop was large so he would place it inside during the day. I always poured a small tablespoon of used oil on the floor beneath the motor. Drove him nuts.