Dad jokes are not just for dads!

[zimm]

Having worked in the funeral industry (embalmer...no joke) here is what I have:

What do you call two funeral homes across the street from each other?
Stiff competition.

What did one box say to the other?
Is that you coffin?

 

[CamoDeafie]

Why are sports bras the perfect gift for someone with amnesia?

They're great for jogging your mammaries!

 

[CamoDeafie]

Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb

 

[Flopsweat]

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

 

[WEE]

I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

 

[WEE]

Keep on rollin'.

View attachment 1855789

 

[Flopsweat]

I am now officially a great father! The IRS just told me that I have outstanding child support.

 

[64MercurysRule]

I am now officially a great father! The IRS just told me that I have outstanding child support.

Seems they found you "outstanding in your field" .

 

[Flopsweat]

Seems they found you "outstanding in your field" .

That was when I was a farmer.

 

[CamoDeafie]

That was when I was a farmer.

As a scarecrow or a beanpole?

 

[Flopsweat]

As a scarecrow or a beanpole?

I was so fat back then, I was a scarecow.



* Not really.

 

[64MercurysRule]

I was so fat back then, I was a scarecow.



* Not really.

Not really fat or not a scarecrow ....

 

[Flopsweat]

Not really fat or not a scarecrow ....

Scarecow, not scarecrow. Subtle difference in spelling, dramatic difference in size.

 

[CamoDeafie]

What happens if you put an AR15 on top of lithium? Assault and battery