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'Jesus is watching you'

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by RallySoob, Apr 14, 2011.

  1. RallySoob

    RallySoob Salem, OR Active Member

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    A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more,after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard
    'Jesus is watching you.'
    Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally,in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

    'Didyou say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
    'Yep', the parrot confessed,then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,huh? Who in the world are you?'
    'Moses,'replied the bird.
    'Moses?' the burglar laughed.'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
    'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
     
  2. ThemGunsThough

    ThemGunsThough RIP City! Well-Known Member

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    ^^^ Thanks for starting off my mourning pretty good. It kind of took me a while to get it lol.
     
  3. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    Thanks. You made my morning. :laugh:
     
  4. 74sporty

    74sporty metro portland Active Member

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    Its gotta be blasphemous to name your dog Jesus..."Sik um Jesus!" or "Jesus, SIT, STAY!" :laugh:

    Joke threads... good idea:thumbup:
     
  5. Blitzkrieg

    Blitzkrieg WA Well-Known Member

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    That's one of my favorites.. as a Rottweiler owner for decades I can tell you they work
     
  6. 2506

    2506 Seattle Well-Known Member

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    What if it's pronounced 'Hey-zeuz?'
     
  7. 74sporty

    74sporty metro portland Active Member

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    Hmmm... hayzoos doesn't sound so bad. But your still dancing around blasphemy.

    I call my pistol Betty... Im going to name my AR Jesus... Jesus Noveske:)
     
  8. MrNiceGuy

    MrNiceGuy between springfield and shelbyville Well-Known Member

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    popparotti.jpg
     
  9. Blitzkrieg

    Blitzkrieg WA Well-Known Member

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    For all bible believers who take this little humor too tightly wound.. His name isn't Jesus anyway, that's one of the KJV bible's 27,000 some-odd mistranslations.. it's actually pronounced closer to "Yahshua" in ancient paleo-Hebrew, at least as close as we can come right now without a time travel machine

    My wife hadn't heard this one before, thanks for posting it RallySoob, she got a good laugh out of it
     
  10. RallySoob

    RallySoob Salem, OR Active Member

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    True...my uncles who are pastors would say yashua all the time. They aren't pentecost or anything just real traditional holy spirit driven types. I'm kind of Jesus freak myself but I'm good with this kind of humor. My grandma who works in the church actually sent this to me ;)
     
  11. 74sporty

    74sporty metro portland Active Member

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    Im just kidding when i say blasphemy. I just think blasphemy is a scary word and it seemed appropriate for the thread. My uncle in Germany is a Priest and i guess thats how they say it over there too. Sounds kinda like yeh-suu. Yashua isn't supposed to sound like Joshua, right? Just two syllables?
     
  12. Chee-to

    Chee-to Oregon Well-Known Member

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    Then that would probably be the burglar..........