Funny Craigslist ads you've seen....

[Caveman Jim]

I sometimes look to C/L for stuff I'd like to Rat hole in my shop. A practice that my wife thinks is hopeless or futile but I, like others see things as $$$ in the future with a little ingenuity and elbow grease... if ya will....
Here is today's funny...


Free shed
image 1 of 6








I have a free shed I need to get rid of. Good wood, good roof, good walls, needs new floor, the bubblegum head exploiter in Kent who built it didn't even attempt to do it right... fix the floor and use it as a shed or tiny home as I did, or use the free wood, or have a macabre bonfire, idgaf, but I need it gone. It is 5.5x10 I think, maybe 8...

It is on a trailer that I am keeping so I can deliver it to you. You need to have jacks to get it off, or 4-6 guys could easily just lift it off. It is attached to the trailer by fewer than ten screws... so have a drill or sawzall.. I don't wana wait around while you figure out how to 'preserve' this pain in my bubblegum, so have a plan, either have jacks or a crew and a plan and be ready to go, or shove it off sideways and watch it crumble, I really dont care, I just never want to see it again and I want it over and done with. I paid a stupid amount of money for this thing and it was an ever growing disappointment from the day I picked it up till now. Profit from my misery and exploitation and take this ugly hunk of thwarted dreams away.

It's in burien, I'll deliver it in burien area for free, talk to me about where you are and how difficult ur place is to get to and I'll think about driving it there for a small charge. I'm towing it w bubblegumty tow straps holding it in place behind my carolla, so no hills, highways, or dirt roads.
Please help me and take this asap. I'm desperate to get it out of the spot it's in.

Read More

 

[Flymph]

LMAO I don't even know what to make of that... baffles me!

 

[Stomper]

He might get more replies if he marketed it, "Free shed, with "benefits" for the taker".

 

[41mag]

years ago I saw an ad in Willamette Week that still gives me a chuckle: in the 'personals' this was it : "Minimalist seeks woman" and a phone #.

 

[jbett98]

Here's my favorite. An ad selling a Viper.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjZ-_XJ5ovVAhVDzGMKHWUPAxQQFggmMAA&url=http://oppositelock.kinja.com/most-honest-viper-craigslist-ad-ever-1782809075&usg=AFQjCNEUbHa_ldUn3waRtcdY3BKmlOioAA

Okay. Full disclosure. I almost killed myself in it.

It is VERY powerful. Extremely, EXTREMELY fast.

I've driven Ferrari's that don't feel as crazy as this thing. I am frankly afraid of it now.
That's right. It's in my garage and I'm afraid to drive it because it's like a crazy steroid bull that wants to kill me.
I've done 130 mph on a Ducati while laughing into the face of death. The viper is a completely different bowl of crack. The engine sounds like 40 pit bulls eating kittens while lifting weights.
I cannot truly explain it's power. It has whiplash acceleration in 3rd gear at 50mph. That sentence doesn't even make sense. But it's true.
That's why I'm telling you. I will not have your soul on my conscience.
You need to know what you are getting into. What insane level of crazy you are buying.
Can you resist the urge to mash down the accelerator? Can you? Because it's like owning your own demon. A demon that wants to kill you. We all know one person that for the right amount of money would kill you. But since no one is paying, they smile in your face and go about their day.
It's like that except the Viper doesn't bother to ever pretend it doesn't want to kill you.
And it will do it for free.

Some brilliant engineer designed a beautiful sexy bulging body, fantastic suspension, great handling, aerodynamics, and all American style. While he was out on his lunch break, some demented maniac dropped 100 times more engine power than necessary into it and sent it out the door. It's mentally unbalanced.

Look,
If you are the type of person that can be talked into having one more drink at midnight when you have a very important presentation or interview early the next morning, then the Viper is not for you.

The whole car is constantly whispering sweet lies to you.
"You got this".
"Open me up and ride free, you got this"
"What are you a pussy?"
"Just do it", "Do it", "you got this".

Do not do it. You don't got it. You ARE in fact a pussy. And as we all know, pussy is mad good. But not that good.
You will sit on the curb and settle your heart after it tries to kill you the first time.
You will get back inside and it will immediately get back to the business of trying to get you to let it murder you.
"You got this. This time you know. That last time was just a fluke. You ain't no pussy".

Repeat after me.
You
Don't
Got
This.

But for $30k you can look the devil in the eye and take this ride.

You were warned.

 

[Caveman Jim]

Yeah, that one gave me a chuckle too.... lol

 

[Siglvr]

Also Off Craigslist.

"For sale: one early 80's Craftsman riding lawn mower with an 11 horse power engine and 30″ mowing deck. Bottom line, this beast is a sick ride! In fact, I'd even say it's the El Camino of yard whips. Just take a look at those sweet bubblegum rims. So dope they look rented. #arethosedubs?

Wait, is that a chicken in the background? Damn straight! Because the Craftsman riding lawn mower was considered the barnyard pimp of its day. Get yer yerrd on, fool!

Is it fast? Ever heard of old school 3 on the tree? Well, this whip's got 8 on the hip. That's right, 8 screamin' gears of merciless speed! Need to mow that $h!t Richard petty style? No problem. Snappin' necks and mowin' decks, homie…

Just look at this beast. It even has the original factory pin striping. This NASCAR style speed demon will look quick just sitting in your driveway. Neighbors be like "SMH with envy." Don't dare put this baby in the shed. She deserves the garage. #nooneputsbabyinthecorner

Does it run, you ask? HELLS YEAH! Like a pack of Kenyans on crystal meth! This bad boy just got a carburetor rebuild, new seals all the way around and a brand new battery installed. Turns over quicker than your prom date. And you don't even need to buy it wine coolers.

Don't get me started on the mowing deck! 30 full inches of precision slicin' and dicin'. Cuts better than Edward Scissor Hands and Lorena Bobbit in a knife fight. And this blade runner has 8 cutting heights! Go full Brazilian with a 1 inch cut, or bring your field of dreams up to 8 inches, 1970's style; your choice. All I'm sayin' is this mo-fo fades a lawn better than a set of hair clippers at Fantastic Sams. Whaaaa?

But can I mow with it at night, you ask? Who hasn't awoken at O'dark:30 to mow their lawn black ops style? No problem with this night rider. It has a fully functioning head light, Michael. #Getyerdarkon

Pretty sure this man-ride is the luxury model. It's equipped with a plush pleather spring ride seat for those Brokeback yards, 10 inch Kung Fu grip steering wheel and rubberized foot pads. Ain't no footloose goin' on up in here. Safety first, homies!

You: So how much is this Kentucky bluegrass love machine? Me: Just $500.°°. You: Wait, what? Me: That's right, you heard me, only $500 greenbacks. The world: How is that possible? Me: my family and I have enjoyed using this cutting-deck of dope-ness since it's immaculate inception back in the 80's. Can you say one owner? Yup!

It's time this black pearl set sail and find another crew to roll with. It's faded many lawns in its day and is looking for the greener grass on your side of the fence.

Don't wait to call or you'll be tellin' stories about the one that got away for the rest of your life, or call me now and become the lawn jockey you always dreamed to be.

No texts, please. I need to hear your voice and know that this family pet is going to a 100% full blooded american. #Merica"

 

[v0lcom13sn0w]

Here's my favorite. An ad selling a Viper.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjZ-_XJ5ovVAhVDzGMKHWUPAxQQFggmMAA&url=http://oppositelock.kinja.com/most-honest-viper-craigslist-ad-ever-1782809075&usg=AFQjCNEUbHa_ldUn3waRtcdY3BKmlOioAA

Okay. Full disclosure. I almost killed myself in it.

It is VERY powerful. Extremely, EXTREMELY fast.

I've driven Ferrari's that don't feel as crazy as this thing. I am frankly afraid of it now.
That's right. It's in my garage and I'm afraid to drive it because it's like a crazy steroid bull that wants to kill me.
I've done 130 mph on a Ducati while laughing into the face of death. The viper is a completely different bowl of crack. The engine sounds like 40 pit bulls eating kittens while lifting weights.
I cannot truly explain it's power. It has whiplash acceleration in 3rd gear at 50mph. That sentence doesn't even make sense. But it's true.
That's why I'm telling you. I will not have your soul on my conscience.
You need to know what you are getting into. What insane level of crazy you are buying.
Can you resist the urge to mash down the accelerator? Can you? Because it's like owning your own demon. A demon that wants to kill you. We all know one person that for the right amount of money would kill you. But since no one is paying, they smile in your face and go about their day.
It's like that except the Viper doesn't bother to ever pretend it doesn't want to kill you.
And it will do it for free.

Some brilliant engineer designed a beautiful sexy bulging body, fantastic suspension, great handling, aerodynamics, and all American style. While he was out on his lunch break, some demented maniac dropped 100 times more engine power than necessary into it and sent it out the door. It's mentally unbalanced.

Look,
If you are the type of person that can be talked into having one more drink at midnight when you have a very important presentation or interview early the next morning, then the Viper is not for you.

The whole car is constantly whispering sweet lies to you.
"You got this".
"Open me up and ride free, you got this"
"What are you a pussy?"
"Just do it", "Do it", "you got this".

Do not do it. You don't got it. You ARE in fact a pussy. And as we all know, pussy is mad good. But not that good.
You will sit on the curb and settle your heart after it tries to kill you the first time.
You will get back inside and it will immediately get back to the business of trying to get you to let it murder you.
"You got this. This time you know. That last time was just a fluke. You ain't no pussy".

Repeat after me.
You
Don't
Got
This.

But for $30k you can look the devil in the eye and take this ride.

You were warned.

lol i remember this one

 

[Flymph]

I can't repost the most humorous one's I have read on here, but these are new to me and pretty funny.

 

[MasterChief]

More Hilarious and Bizarre Craigslist Ads

craigslist: best-of-craigslist

 

[mkwerx]

Free sail boat

best of craigslist: Free 18' Sailboat

 

[v0lcom13sn0w]

<broken link removed>

 

[Caveman Jim]

<broken link removed>

I'LL TAKE IT!!!!!

 

[v0lcom13sn0w]

I'LL TAKE IT!!!!!

im sure she will too

 

[mkwerx]

<broken link removed>

$100 may be a steal of a deal or the worst price ever. Need to test drive before purchase. Thinking a long term weekend trial like the car dealers have been offering... Only thing is that I'm upside down on my trade in, especially if you consider legal fees and name changes to protect the guilty

 

[v0lcom13sn0w]

https://offerup.app.link/3sqbGCACVE


USED???? Normal wear??????!!

LORD HAVE MERCY.

 

[Boboclown]

<broken link removed>

But can this sandwich maker clean dishes too?

 

[rdb241]

Up here in freak town Seattle. I saw an add in the sporting section looking to buy used jock straps..............................

 

[ThemGunsThough]

This one is my all time favorite.

 

[parallax]

saw this one awhile back.