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OK, let's face it. One of the worst things about being married is your wife picking out your clothes and dressing you like you are some sort of Ken doll. Admit it, you hate this as much as I do. Yesterday evening when I spent H O U R S (OK, it was only fifteen minutes, but it was excruciating) being Ken while she had me try on this and that like I can't dress myself. Admittedly, I do just grab a random pair of pants and a random T shirt, but my socks do occasionally match so she claims to be having nightmares about me showing up at her Niece's wedding in shorts and a wife beater. OK, I did laugh nervously and tell her it was just a joke. Anyway, all you married guys know the drill.
While I was thinking about all the other things I'd rather be doing while playing Ken I had an epiphany! The Ken doll analogy is very accurate, and the problem is unwittingly created when we, as parents, give our daughters Barbie and Ken dolls to play with. Basically, we are training women at an early age to think they have the right and even obligation to dress their man. Not only that, the expectation has been set that they need to turn us into effeminate pretty buys which explains all the pink shirts she keeps buying me that I "accidentally" stain with food, motor oil, or paint.
The problem is bigger than you think. Take a close look at Ken and it's immediately obvious that his future likely involves hormones and fake boobs along with a name change to Kendra or at the very least a closet full of drag queen costumes. We are setting our daughters up for eventual divorce and possibly Monkey Pox. Then there is having to explain to her kids why daddy now wears a dress and is marrying Tommi who looks suspiciously like Dad's best friend Tom and has five o'clock shadow.
The Solution is easy once we put this in perspective. Barbie needs a real man. Enter GI Joe. Not only is GI Joe taller than Ken as much as Ken is to Barbie, he is also strong enough to open a jar of pickles, where Ken has to use one of those lid wrench things. GI Joe can also fix things round the house without calling an expensive professional or his Dad to replace a light switch cover or plunge a clogged toilet like Ken.
Ken is currently working part time as an assistant barista at Starbucks. Good thing Barbie has a full time job even though she was forced to sell her pink Corvette and work all the overtime she can to help make ends meet while Ken finds himself or whatever. Joe, on the other hand, not only has a full time job, he has a career that will provide a decent lifestyle and eventual retirement. Joe is in it for the long haul.
At Barbie's annual Christmas party none of Barbie's co workers or bosses will even dare to ask her for a dance with Joe around, especially after he shop talked with them about all the enemies he has killed bare handed. Ken, on the other hand would meekly look away when Barbie and her boss would dance inappropriately and then disappear for a half hour. Truth is Ken would likely be engaged in an animated conversation with Barbie's co worker Rory.
Oh, and Joe dresses himself, thank you very much, which is the whole freaking point.
The best part about Joe is that he comes with guns, which further prepares her to accept the fact that any man worth having will have guns and it's nonaherdambusiness.
Implementing The Solution not only breaks the cycle but makes you look great as well. Simply give your daughters or grand daughters one or more GI Joes to give Ken some competition he has no chance of winning. If she has a brother make it clear that Joe's clothes are ONLY to be adjusted by that brother. Whenever you have a chance, strip Ken and dress him with some of Barbie's clothes to drive the point home. Also, make sure to periodically give her weapons packs to accessorize Joe so she will realize it's completely normal for her future husband to frequently buy more guns.
You may be too late to save yourself or even your sons, but you owe it to future generations to break the "dress my husband" entitlement all women seem to have.
While I was thinking about all the other things I'd rather be doing while playing Ken I had an epiphany! The Ken doll analogy is very accurate, and the problem is unwittingly created when we, as parents, give our daughters Barbie and Ken dolls to play with. Basically, we are training women at an early age to think they have the right and even obligation to dress their man. Not only that, the expectation has been set that they need to turn us into effeminate pretty buys which explains all the pink shirts she keeps buying me that I "accidentally" stain with food, motor oil, or paint.
The problem is bigger than you think. Take a close look at Ken and it's immediately obvious that his future likely involves hormones and fake boobs along with a name change to Kendra or at the very least a closet full of drag queen costumes. We are setting our daughters up for eventual divorce and possibly Monkey Pox. Then there is having to explain to her kids why daddy now wears a dress and is marrying Tommi who looks suspiciously like Dad's best friend Tom and has five o'clock shadow.
The Solution is easy once we put this in perspective. Barbie needs a real man. Enter GI Joe. Not only is GI Joe taller than Ken as much as Ken is to Barbie, he is also strong enough to open a jar of pickles, where Ken has to use one of those lid wrench things. GI Joe can also fix things round the house without calling an expensive professional or his Dad to replace a light switch cover or plunge a clogged toilet like Ken.
Ken is currently working part time as an assistant barista at Starbucks. Good thing Barbie has a full time job even though she was forced to sell her pink Corvette and work all the overtime she can to help make ends meet while Ken finds himself or whatever. Joe, on the other hand, not only has a full time job, he has a career that will provide a decent lifestyle and eventual retirement. Joe is in it for the long haul.
At Barbie's annual Christmas party none of Barbie's co workers or bosses will even dare to ask her for a dance with Joe around, especially after he shop talked with them about all the enemies he has killed bare handed. Ken, on the other hand would meekly look away when Barbie and her boss would dance inappropriately and then disappear for a half hour. Truth is Ken would likely be engaged in an animated conversation with Barbie's co worker Rory.
Oh, and Joe dresses himself, thank you very much, which is the whole freaking point.
The best part about Joe is that he comes with guns, which further prepares her to accept the fact that any man worth having will have guns and it's nonaherdambusiness.
Implementing The Solution not only breaks the cycle but makes you look great as well. Simply give your daughters or grand daughters one or more GI Joes to give Ken some competition he has no chance of winning. If she has a brother make it clear that Joe's clothes are ONLY to be adjusted by that brother. Whenever you have a chance, strip Ken and dress him with some of Barbie's clothes to drive the point home. Also, make sure to periodically give her weapons packs to accessorize Joe so she will realize it's completely normal for her future husband to frequently buy more guns.
You may be too late to save yourself or even your sons, but you owe it to future generations to break the "dress my husband" entitlement all women seem to have.
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