Body camera experiences...

[alphapygmy]

Thanks for all the advice and support. We did order one of the recommended bodycams on Amazon. One of the things I don't think most understand is he HAS to make it our fault for his removal. He doesn't just want out, he has to burn things to the ground in an attempt to destroy any attachment by making us at fault in everyone else's view. He couldn't be emancipated as he absolutely couldn't prove he could care for himself. It's hard to comprehend unless you're living it. I almost can't relate to normal kids now. I'm so used to playing mental chess every waking minute, looking for motives within motives. He puts on a carefully crafted act outside, we've even had to record him acting out at home because therapists couldn't see through the act. We're not disowning him but trying to get him out as safely as possible with the best supports he will accept. Maybe someday he'll figure things out, our fear is he'll be like this all his life. Thanks again all.

 

[SteveHx]

That hit the nail precisely on the head - "It's hard to comprehend unless you're living it." I could hear myself making the same comments as some others on here, about 18 years ago before I lived it. Now, you could be speaking precisely for me. Reactive Attachment Disorder is truly difficult to even comprehend, and we've been thru an endless parade of therapists etc. for at least a dozen years now. In the case of our (just turned 18) adopted son, there is evidence of a strong genetic component within his birth family. And I'm still open to a private discussion if you think it would be helpful: stevehx at windstream dot net.

 

[alphapygmy]

That hit the nail precisely on the head - "It's hard to comprehend unless you're living it." I could hear myself making the same comments as some others on here, about 18 years ago before I lived it. Now, you could be speaking precisely for me. Reactive Attachment Disorder is truly difficult to even comprehend, and we've been thru an endless parade of therapists etc. for at least a dozen years now. In the case of our (just turned 18) adopted son, there is evidence of a strong genetic component within his birth family. And I'm still open to a private discussion if you think it would be helpful: stevehx at windstream dot net.

I'll be in contact in the next day or two. Thanks

 

[P7M13]

Problem in future could be the adopted son will find out a family disruption will be a walk in the park when he (IF HE DOES) messes with the law as they will be more than happy to finger print and take mug shots of him and house n feed him behind bars .

Problem is RAD also expresses very similarly to Narcissism, and the individuals seldom see any responsibility in the chain of events, and are "victims" of the system.

we've even had to record him acting out at home because therapists couldn't see through the act.

!!! A total mindfork! Consummate manipulators! I've sat in the same room with counselors, police, and ER psychiatric nurses immediately after violent episodes, some including threats to kill the other kids or burn the house down, etc, and the child became a sweet, engaging (and at times flirtatious) person to which the official warmed and believed the child's story (which was a complete distortion of the events). I would look like the angry, hysterical one on those occasions.

Reactive Attachment Disorder is truly difficult to even comprehend

Add to that, they can be the most charming people too. Like a Jekyll / Hyde, [edit to add] and can become absolute fooking animals if you corner them when in their RAD modality.

 

[alphapygmy]

Problem is RAD also expresses very similarly to Narcissism, and the individuals seldom see any responsibility in the chain of events, and are "victims" of the system.
!!! A total mindfork! Consummate manipulators! I've sat in the same room with counselors, police, and ER psychiatric nurses immediately after violent episodes, some including threats to kill the other kids or burn the house down, etc, and the child became a sweet, engaging (and at times flirtatious) person to which the official warmed and believed the child's story (which was a complete distortion of the events). I would look like the angry, hysterical one on those occasions.
Add to that, they can be the most charming people too. Like a Jekyll / Hyde.

Exactly, we've been through almost this exact situation. He turns on the charm and we come across as mean controlling parents. It's scary how many psychiatric professionals he could charm, maybe 80% over the years.

 

[P7M13]

Exactly, we've been through almost this exact situation. He turns on the charm and we come across as mean controlling parents. It's scary how many psychiatric professionals he could charm, maybe 80% over the years.

On more than one occasion, I had to bite my lip from saying, "you don't read studies or pay attention to the DSM IV much, do you?"

 

[P7M13]

Exactly, we've been through almost this exact situation. He turns on the charm and we come across as mean controlling parents. It's scary how many psychiatric professionals he could charm, maybe 80% over the years.

Just dawned on me - you should wear a body cam when meeting with these psych people. While it's prolly not allowed and a violation of privacy rules, there are support groups where you can show this stuff to others because few believe you unless they have experienced it directly.
I've accompanied others to AA and NarcAnon meetings, sat outside the room and listened, and while the sharing was intense, the experiences were nothing like the raw, jagged insanity I've heard at support groups for adoptive parents. Some birth parents should be fed into the wood chipper.

 

[No_Regerts]

Be aware that video recording would be an easy way to accidentally produce depictions of a minor engaged in sexual activity, or commit voyeurism. He could set you up real easy.

 

[alphapygmy]

Be aware that video recording would be an easy way to accidentally produce depictions of a minor engaged in sexual activity, or commit voyeurism. He could set you up real easy.

Fortunately, (or unfortunately) I don't think he's smart enough to pull that off. I would say he is around 10 developmentally so think of nasty stuff a 10 year old might pull. Luckily for us he's also extremely predictable. We see a certain behavior and we can tell exactly what angle he's going to try to work things towards. I just want the camera on me in our common areas of the house then he can't turn on the charm to others and play his word vs my word. I'm sure I come across angry and mean after 11 years of this stuff so usually right off the bat people gravitate towards his side. It's like playing chess with someone every waking second except they cheat every time you turn your back. You just can't win unless he decides to play by the rules and he never has. It was mentioned above they can express as Narcissism and I would add some Sociopath tendencies. Under developed conscience and empathy, manipulative and charming. If I step back I'm truly amazed at this world he's constructed in his head, I think he really believes it all. To bad I can't see what he could do if all that energy was put to a positive use...

 

[No_Regerts]

Fortunately, (or unfortunately) I don't think he's smart enough to pull that off. I would say he is around 10 developmentally so think of nasty stuff a 10 year old might pull. Luckily for us he's also extremely predictable. We see a certain behavior and we can tell exactly what angle he's going to try to work things towards. I just want the camera on me in our common areas of the house then he can't turn on the charm to others and play his word vs my word. I'm sure I come across angry and mean after 11 years of this stuff so usually right off the bat people gravitate towards his side. It's like playing chess with someone every waking second except they cheat every time you turn your back. You just can't win unless he decides to play by the rules and he never has. It was mentioned above they can express as Narcissism and I would add some Sociopath tendencies. Under developed conscience and empathy, manipulative and charming. If I step back I'm truly amazed at this world he's constructed in his head, I think he really believes it all. To bad I can't see what he could do if all that energy was put to a positive use...

I can't even fathom what you're going through.

 

[Defense Minister]

My hat is off and heart goes out to you and your wife for giving it a go!

My wife and I know some folks who were STRONG advocates for adoption until a particular child turned their world upside down, and now they wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Conversely, I was adopted and feel exceptionally blessed to have had the parents I had, so I'm very thankful for the process, but I know it's not always a happy ending... Godspeed, brother!