Might have to red flag my mother

[wired]

Yep. Never thought it would come to this but moms starting to lose her mind. Dementia. She is going to marry Keanu Reeves and move to Hollywood any day now. She's sold the house to help fund it a couple of times and we are always able to step in and stop the sale before she sends the money to Keanu but my brothers and I are at the point where its getting harder and harder to keep up with the shenanigans and stop them before she does something stupid. Unfortunately she's a habitual liar and isn't letting my brother take control of her finances with a power of attorney. He has been working with Adult Protective Services to try to get a conservatorship set up . They went over the other day and they got ran off , which doesn't help her side of things but she immediately went out and bought a revolver for the next time they come around. The cops were over there a few months ago after she cracked her head in the bathtub and they tried to haul her off in an ambulance . At that time my brother found out about the $7 grand she got scammed out of in gift cards to pay her property tax off. She ran them off and called me and told me she was going to shoot them if they came back on her property. I'm afraid she's going to get herself ventilated. I know , I know red flag laws bad but she has become such a , I dare say PITA to deal with and no one is watching her all the time to make sure she doesn't pull a gun out the next time someone comes over to help her.

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[Alexx1401]

Damn! Sounds like its time to force her into a home of some sort where they can keep her secured. She will get herself hurt.

 

[Koda]

I dont see how red flagging her will solve the main problem. Just do what everyone else does in these situations as if guns were not part of the equation, and the situation of the guns will solve itself on its own. She needs to go into some kind of assisted care regardless of the guns.

 

[Stomper]

Do what I did and just quietly extricate any firearms from your dementia afflicted parents' residence....

 

[wired]

I dont see how red flagging her will solve the main problem. Just do what everyone else does in these situations as if guns were not part of the equation, and the situation of the guns will solve itself on its own. She needs to go into some kind of assisted care regardless of the guns.

She does need to go to assisted living but it takes time and some intervention when said person isn't going on their own .

 

[wired]

Do what I did and just quietly extricate any firearms from your dementia afflicted parents' residence

It's worse than it seems . She isn't allowing anyone in and goes out and buys more guns. I've already removed what she had .

 

[Member 55555]

So sorry for your situation. I can empathize because we went through something similar with my wife's mother. I was able to get power of attorney and move her in with us before she got real bad so she couldn't do much damage. Unfortunately Covid resolved all issues. Fortunately she had a pre-paid funeral plan.
No useful suggestions here other than: step away and let circumstances resolve whatever issues come up.

 

[Koda]

It's worse than it seems . She isn't allowing anyone in and goes out and buys more guns. I've already removed what she had .

In this case you dont have to agree with a law to use it to your advantage.

 

[wired]

So sorry for your situation. I can empathize because we went through something similar with my wife's mother. I was able to get power of attorney and move her in with us before she got real bad so she couldn't do much damage. Unfortunately Covid resolved all issues. Fortunately she had a pre-paid funeral plan.
No useful suggestions here other than: step away and let circumstances resolve whatever issues come up.

We are trying to NOT step away and let circumstances resolve themselves . Thats the problem. Doing that will end up with her ventilated on the front porch. She's lost grasp of the difference between fantasy and reality and she's on the dark web suckers list. We are trying to step in and keep circumstances from resolving themselves.

 

[Knobgoblin]

I see someone on this path at my store about once a month.
Not a huge threat, but it's not heading anywhere good.

 

[wired]

I see someone on this path at my store about once a month.
Not a huge threat, but it's not heading anywhere good.

At this point Im fine with her being denied purchase when they run the 4473.

 

[ma96782]

Just saying but......

From my experience......
It doesn't get any easier or better, even if she agrees to assisted living care or whatever, etc......

Good luck to you and yours. It's a tough situation to be in.

Aloha, Mark

 

[nwslopoke]

It's worse than it seems . She isn't allowing anyone in and goes out and buys more guns. I've already removed what she had .

I would use as little of the enforcement arm of government as possible. Once the latest batch of guns are removed, do whatever you have to as soon as possible.

My mom is 90. Her mind is still solid, but on some levels she is very trusting and vulnerable. We have to watch out for unscrupulous "helpers" trying to gain access to her possessions.

 

[Knobgoblin]

At this point Im fine with her being denied purchase when they run the 4473.

I work in a grocery store.

It's just very similar story tho.
She's not menacing, just manic.
Divorced her husband because he stole everything.
Their son has been stealing all the guns when she's not home. Can't trust her family etc.

All I really do is listen to her when she comes in . She grabs my arm and tells me her side of things for about 10 minutes

There's a supposed " General " from Texas that's coming soon, and take her away from all this B.S. from her family. That's the part of your situation that I guess I recognized.

I hope things get sorted out without much real world drama.

 

[wired]

I work in a grocery store.

It's just very similar story tho.
She's not menacing, just manic.
Divorced her husband because he stole everything.
Their son has been stealing all the guns when she's not home. Can't trust her family etc.

All I really do is listen to her when she comes in . She grabs my arm and tells me her side of things for about 10 minutes

There's a supposed " General " from Texas that's coming soon, and take her away from all this B.S. from her family. That's the part of your situation that I guess I recognized.

I hope things get sorted out without much real world drama.

Yep. General James. Thats his first name. You can see it right there on his name tag. Dude is quite the player. That was one of her first online suitors after my dad died. Unfortunately she is incapable of not being in a romantic relationship real or imaginary and there are entire cottage industries built on taking advantage of senile old women. For her this has been perking since at least 2019 but its recently gotten pretty bad. She is about to hit 80 and she'll probably outlive us all but at what cost.

 

[Mikej]

I work in a grocery store.

I didn't realize we had THAT much in common. Wifey has 27 years at Albertsons, and others for another 10-12 years. She's had a lot of beloved customers over the years she's watched slowly fail.

 

[MTpockets]

Wishing You and your Brother the best in dealing with your Mother.

I hope it okay to post a couple links with information about the types of scams and abuse our Elders may be experiencing.

Some information for those who may not be aware of these threats -

Justice Department Highlights Enforcement Efforts Protecting Older Americans from Transnational Fraud Schemes in Recognition of 2025 World Elder Abuse Awareness Day

In recognition of World Elder Abuse Awareness Day, Attorney General Pamela Bondi announced that the Justice Department is reinvigorating efforts to protect older Americans from transnational schemes that cost billions of dollars, often stealing their life savings. In the past few weeks alone...

www.justice.gov

In recognition of World Elder Abuse Awareness Day, Attorney General Pamela Bondi announced that the Justice Department is reinvigorating efforts to protect older Americans from transnational schemes that cost billions of dollars, often stealing their life savings. In the past few weeks alone, investigators and prosecutors have arrested and filed cases against foreign fraudsters and domestic actors who have knowingly facilitated foreign-based crimes.

"Prosecutors across the country are stepping up the fight against malicious schemes that target older Americans," said Attorney General Pamela Bondi. "We are working with domestic law enforcement and foreign counterparts every day to hold criminals accountable and ensure that justice is done for our seniors both here at home and abroad."

These include cases involving romance fraud, lottery fraud, tech support fraud, and grandparent scams. Romance fraud is a confidence scheme where a perpetrator feigns romantic interest with a victim only to later extract money or property under false pretenses. Lottery fraud schemes trick victims into believing they have won a non-existent lottery or sweepstakes prize in order to extract fake fees, taxes, or other fabricated charges from the victim. Tech support fraud scams involve perpetrators tricking victims into believing that their computer or phone has a problem, often through fake pop-up messages, and to later seek funds from the victims in order to "fix" the "problem." Grandparent scams, another type of confidence scheme, involve scammers impersonating a grandchild or close family member who experiences a fictitious emergency and needs money from the victim as soon as possible.
...

Romance Fraud

United States v. Charles Uchenna Nwadavid. On April 9, the U.S. Attorney's Office (USAO) for the District of Massachusetts announced charges against Charles Uchenna Nwadavid, a citizen of Nigeria who was arrested after landing at the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport. In January 2024, a grand jury indicted Nawadavid on one count of mail fraud and two counts of money laundering. Between approximately 2016 to September 2019, Nwadavid allegedly participated in romance scams that tricked victims into sending money abroad.

Interesting Article on Transnational Scam Centers -

https://www.reuters.com/world/asia-pacific/what-are-southeast-asias-scam-centres-why-are-they-being-dismantled-2025-03-04/

 

[ZA_Survivalist]

That's rough sir, I'm sorry to hear about it.
I have to side with you, she is going to hurt herself or someone else. I'm sorry she and you have to go through this. I haven't dealt with this directly but I've got some friends who have.. just a tough situation. I hope you and your bother get it solved before anything happens.

 

[Old Dog]

We are trying to NOT step away and let circumstances resolve themselves . Thats the problem. Doing that will end up with her ventilated on the front porch. She's lost grasp of the difference between fantasy and reality and she's on the dark web suckers list. We are trying to step in and keep circumstances from resolving themselves.

Good for you. In too many families, none of the children step up and take action. Don't let the state take custody of a parent, ever.

@wired This is always a difficult situation. I had to go to court and request guardianship and conservatorship for my mother after her fourth ER visit in a couple months with a couple situations where law enforcement was called (she was freaking out in businesses or restaurants)... the dementia came on so quickly, the family (five of us siblings) was caught by surprise and we didn't have a plan.

Ended up having to put her in memory care, where eventually, she went to hospice and passed (91 years old).

Lesson learned, when a family member gets in their 80s, pay close attention. Have a plan. Take care of your folks, don't leave it to the government.

 

[1911Fanatic]

My mom just turned 80 some months ago. I have her revolver, the revolver I bought her and tricked out 31 years ago, in my safe. Not because of her age, but because of her Parkinson's. I took in four guns from her as she got too week to safely operate them, over the last year and a half.

She isn't able to cock it, and the double action requires more strength than she has. An attacker would take it away from her. She can't defend it, or defend herself with it.

When the time comes, I will stay with her during the week and have caregivers come in on the weekends. I live 8/10 of a mile away from her.