Funny not firearm not political memes

[pharmseller]

I don't get it. What's funny about that?

You need to get out of your cave more.

 

[Flopsweat]

You need to get out of your cave more.

Join the club.

 

[BBQ Guy]

 

[BBQ Guy]

 

[RicInOR]

View attachment 1133499

Well, the Jenners. But we know who you mean.

 

[Flopsweat]

Well, the Jenners. But we know who you mean.

You forgot to say "Try to keep up".

 

[BBQ Guy]

Well, the Jenners. But we know who you mean.

Can you blame them for putting some distance between themselves and the freak show?...

I dont.

 

[Jasonanddeonna]

Flopsweat? Cavedweller? Are we interrupting the two of you?

 

[Cavedweller]

 

[Cavedweller]

Flopsweat? Cavedweller? Are we interrupting the two of you?

You couldn't if you wanted to.

 

[BBQ Guy]

 

[BBQ Guy]

 

[BBQ Guy]

 

[Happyguy]

UK CLASSIFIED ADSYou have to love British humor!
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES.1/2 Cocker Spaniel,
1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

=

 

[Flopsweat]

=

"Worn once by mistake."

 

[Cavedweller]

 

[Happyguy]

Cardiologist's funeral...

A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life.... A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket was rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.... I'm a gynecologist.'

The proctologist fainted

 

[Flopsweat]

Cardiologist's funeral...

The urologist was looking a little woozy too.

 

[Happyguy]

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample... He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Costco.."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results .

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm.. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours.. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Costco!

 

[Flopsweat]

Look again.