Did not want this phone call.

[ditchtiger]

I'm in a small un-incorporarted town. a 20 miles from a doctor/hospital. But close EMT if needed. So my neighbor is 96+ gal. Great person, kids are 25 miles away at best. Not looking forward to finding what will be most likely be my wife or I when her time comes. Well just got the call, only understood she had fallen and not speaking good, but she said her name. Wife has med. experience but she was gone. My son was here and I said let's go NOW. She had fallen and had crawled to the phone to get me. Looked her over and talked with her before finding it's OK to help her to a chair. Got her a glass of water and hung out for 10 minutes. She was quite well, just a stumble. I went back every 5 minutes to check on her till the Wife got back. All Is good for her considering. She's getting old and time is short. I am also a HAZ-WOPPER, and trained as first responder. Really not looking forward to the time when it ends not so well as my Wife and I are the most likely to be the first to find her. Of course I called her kids, they said they would be over tomorrow to check on her. Really concerned, aren't they.

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[mjbskwim]

Problem is sometimes you don't know how mom was to her kids. Sometimes mom wasn't the nice person that YOU know.
Sometimes.
Rather you are willing to admit it or not,we make our children who they are,with how we raise them .
Not saying it's right but it is what it is.
So maybe don't judge the kids yet.
Sorry you are the one who had to do this.

 

[The Heretic]

My mother and my daughter are why I was glad to have finally found a job back here 6 years ago after trying for 25 years. Now it is no longer a 6 hour drive (at least) each way. My mom passed 18 months ago, but I still have my daughter and she is only 20 minutes away.

In 15 to 20 years, if I am lucky, I will be found in a recliner - or maybe after having fallen on the floor. There are worse ways to go, and I want to be in my own home.

 

[ditchtiger]

I understand your point completely. I don't know the history, and not going to post my opinion. Just what was.
As a side note though, her husband was an honor guard for Gen. MacArther shortly after WW2

 

[salmonriverjohn]

Ditchtiger, she's lucky to even have neighbors like your wife and you.
Good on you two for being there when she needs you, and I fully understand what you face one day.
My hats off to the two of you

 

[mjbskwim]

Ditchtiger, she's lucky to even have neighbors like your wife and you.
Good on you two for being there when she needs you, and I fully understand what you face one day.
My hats off to the two of you

Yes indeed

 

[cooper]

Getting older sucks......sure looked comfrontable from the 20-30yr perspective......for me it's been a real earth shaker in my forties...you watch the healthy get less heathy..then you look at your kids...god hope they are spared some of the realizations and fears old age...loneliness...painful departure
GONNA SQUEEZE IN A DOUBLE SHOT OF DAD FOR MY SON TODAY.THATS A DAILY GOAL

 

[308]

Relationships are what matter in the end.

 

[The Heretic]

Relationships are what matter in the end.

True, but (since we are talking about somewhat morbid issues) it also matters - IMO - how when where and sometimes why you leave this mortal coil. My brothers (and cousins) and I are almost the elder generation of our family unit now (two uncles left, one uncle in law). Two of my cousins lost their mother and then their father within a period of weeks last year.

We've watched those that went suddenly (my brother lost his daughter in a car accident), some that seemed healthy for their age and got sick and went unexpectedly, others that just got old and went more or less peacefully, others that dragged on over years.

The latter is what I don't want.

I saw my father struggle with cancer repeatedly over a ten year period and then on top of that, Alzheimers/etc. I saw my maternal grandfather strapped in a wheelchair to see family, but he was gone already, not cognizant of his family, for years, in a care home. I've seen others vary between having a somewhat decent life, but increasingly less active.

I have a child that is active now, but is battling a disease that there is no cure for, that may someday, before she gets to be my age, be bedridden, unable to do anything much less provide for herself. On top of that she injured herself somewhat severely this year and is still recovering from that, may not totally recover. She has a loving husband, but between her medical issues and the injury and other bills - they struggle. Her mother is - well, a hindrance (to put it kindly) in more ways than one, and hasn't been heard from (except the occasional google search for her arrest records) for several years now.

This is why most of my preps are for her - when I am gone (assuming I go before her, which I hope is the case), she won't have me around to back her up emotionally and financially, so my plan is to leave her all of my retirement funds and everything else, which should help somewhat, but could get eaten up if her condition worsens severely (it is such that it can suddenly go bad, not uncommon at all, indeed, is often the case). I am now considering working until I am 70 because her recent injury woke me up as to how much help she needs when bad things happen.

I on the other hand am doing okay for my age, but slowly the pain from injuries (misspent youth), an office job keeping me out of shape and old age is catching up to me and I know that it isn't going to get better, only worse. As mentioned, I've witnessed what "growing old" does to a person, both my family and myself. I've left instructions that if I am in a state even remotely approaching permanently bedridden and others have to make a decision for me, then do not just let me lay there and suffer, put me out of my misery. I've seen enough suffering by others, a little by myself and the last thing I want is have my daughter watch me suffer, and even less see what I have saved for her, spent on me trying to keep me alive.

I've seen that happen. I am sure my grandfather didn't want that, but it did, due to various religious beliefs of my parents.

If at all possible, I would much rather be found in my garden or in my forest, slumped over or on the ground, cold and dead in the quiet solitude I prefer, than "passing 'peacefully' in my sleep" in a nursing home. I am hoping that in 15 or 20 years robotics will have progressed enough that a medical care robot will be possible and affordable to look after those who want to live at home until they die.

 

[BDA.45]

True, but (since we are talking about somewhat morbid issues) it also matters - IMO - how when where and sometimes why you leave this mortal coil. My brothers (and cousins) and I are almost the elder generation of our family unit now (two uncles left, one uncle in law). Two of my cousins lost their mother and then their father within a period of weeks last year.

We've watched those that went suddenly (my brother lost his daughter in a car accident), some that seemed healthy for their age and got sick and went unexpectedly, others that just got old and went more or less peacefully, others that dragged on over years.

The latter is what I don't want.

I saw my father struggle with cancer repeatedly over a ten year period and then on top of that, Alzheimers/etc. I saw my maternal grandfather strapped in a wheelchair to see family, but he was gone already, not cognizant of his family, for years, in a care home. I've seen others vary between having a somewhat decent life, but increasingly less active.

I have a child that is active now, but is battling a disease that there is no cure for, that may someday, before she gets to be my age, be bedridden, unable to do anything much less provide for herself. On top of that she injured herself somewhat severely this year and is still recovering from that, may not totally recover. She has a loving husband, but between her medical issues and the injury and other bills - they struggle. Her mother is - well, a hindrance (to put it kindly) in more ways than one, and hasn't been heard from (except the occasional google search for her arrest records) for several years now.

This is why most of my preps are for her - when I am gone (assuming I go before her, which I hope is the case), she won't have me around to back her up emotionally and financially, so my plan is to leave her all of my retirement funds and everything else, which should help somewhat, but could get eaten up if her condition worsens severely (it is such that it can suddenly go bad, not uncommon at all, indeed, is often the case). I am now considering working until I am 70 because her recent injury woke me up as to how much help she needs when bad things happen.

I on the other hand am doing okay for my age, but slowly the pain from injuries (misspent youth), an office job keeping me out of shape and old age is catching up to me and I know that it isn't going to get better, only worse. As mentioned, I've witnessed what "growing old" does to a person, both my family and myself. I've left instructions that if I am in a state even remotely approaching permanently bedridden and others have to make a decision for me, then do not just let me lay there and suffer, put me out of my misery. I've seen enough suffering by others, a little by myself and the last thing I want is have my daughter watch me suffer, and even less see what I have saved for her, spent on me trying to keep me alive.

I've seen that happen. I am sure my grandfather didn't want that, but it did, due to various religious beliefs of my parents.

If at all possible, I would much rather be found in my garden or in my forest, slumped over or on the ground, cold and dead in the quiet solitude I prefer, than "passing 'peacefully' in my sleep" in a nursing home. I am hoping that in 15 or 20 years robotics will have progressed enough that a medical care robot will be possible and affordable to look after those who want to live at home until they die.

I'm not liking this post cause of its content (even though I'm going through similar bubblegum) I'm liking it cause it makes me think, and we think the same way. I'm sure ALL of us do....

Although I have no kids, my wife has a debilitating disease. It's rough. We're young, I'm 38, she's 34, respectively.....She's got a much shorter life span than me (assuming I quit smoking) and we've been getting our affairs in order the last couple years. It sucks when your this "young" and have to plan. I'm gonna go now, I might be back later....

 

[The Heretic]

Yeah. I never thought, besides the possible accident, or other typical parental worries, that I would need to worry about out living my daughter because of disease. That is something I do not wish on anybody, especially the child. Not sure I would do without my daughter - but it is a very real possibility.

So yes, takes some planning, and sometimes you have to change your plans.

Having children is a lifelong responsibility that doesn't end when they become adults - you are still a parent, and you still want to care for them. Usually most adults can take care of themselves until they get too old, but some people need help for much of their life through no fault of their own.

 

[ZA_Survivalist]

You're a great neighbor. Few people in this world take off their proverbial blinders and take notice (or pity) on others.

 

[DuneHopper]

What I think at times many fail to see we are them, I do allot now that I am get older in my mid century mark +5.
And last 3 years I realize my mom is near 80. Yet she is as strong as she was when she was 50.
No illnesses " ever", she gives me hope of maybe sticking around long enough to see my kids, kids have kids. In a few short months
I will be a Grandfather if that don't shake the dust out nothing will. Not trying to pat myself on the back, my mom lives alone
about 7 miles from here and I check on her daily. Some day I know those checks will end, yet they mean allot to me and I know they do to her. The reality is that id guess half the members in this forum will be gone in 50 years. How do we want to live our lives and well how do we want others to live them as well why we are still in theirs ?

 

[jsparks747]

Glad you were there to help! My family is lucky given how close we are. Both my grandmas and my grandpa are in Portland, so are 2 aunts and an uncle, aunt and uncle in Renton, WA (3 hours away), and an aunt and uncle in Redmond (3 hours away). Then I have an aunt and uncle in Indiana, Colorado, and Idaho.

 

[ditchtiger]

I do what I can. The biggest issue for her/me had been getting a snake or mouse out of the house.