The forgotten ones

[Indy62]

There's this story, or suggestion, or command..in this old book I read years ago. Something to the effect of "don't be like those who show off and give to charity so they can be seen and praised for it. Rather..do so secretly".

Which is why I hesitate to write this. Because I don't want it to be about me, I want it to be about you.

There are a lot..too many...folks out there having a hard time. Who knows why. Mental issues, ptsd, grief, drugs or alcohol (which are basically self medication).

I'm not one who goes around looking for people to help. Far from it, I do my best to avoid people.

But for the past couple of weeks I've noticed something. There's been twice now I've run across younger men dealing with 'something'. The first guy was standing at the exit of the Burger King I frequent..with a sign. I didn't even read the sign, just thought to myself, I have a few extra dollars in my pocket, I'm waiting for my food in the drive through with the AC on..it won't put a dent in my pocket to help. So I stopped and handed it to him on the way out. He said God Bless, I said thank, you too..and that was it.

The other was this morning. I went to my local gas station and there was another younger guy with a large bag of cans he was trying to turn in for cash..and he had a dog with him. The store attendant would only allow 26 cans (which I think is $2.60). He was grateful and left. (While that was happening, my pup set off my car alarm ). As I was leaving this guy called to his dog to follow (looked to be an older labrador). The dog had a leash dragging on the ground and it followed him across the street to a convenience store. I said to myself eff it..I have $5 from change, so I drove over, rolled the window down and said "hey man I got a dog too..if this will help its yours"..and gave him the $5. He appreciated it..something about God Bless again..and I went my way.

So I say this because, both of these guys were "white males 30ish". Their identity supposedly puts them in a privileged class. A white male is supposed to be the one class that gets no leeway. It's ok to denigrate them.

But that's not true. People are people. Everyone can fall on hard times. It doesn't matter your color or gender.

I say this because I want this in your mind..or heart. If you can..take the one or two minutes out of your life to do something like that.

Yes it may help that person, but what it really does is helps you.

Try it.

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[Tinman357]

You never know what others are going through. After finding my daughter hanging in a hotel room, I probably went a little off center for a while. Made a few bad descisions that I'm still dealing with the consequenses of.

All but one of my "friends" ghosted me. But, I guess thats just life.

I mentioned it here on NWFA a few times, I wasn't looking for charity but just somebody to talk to about it all. I was not dissappinted.

What I didn't mention was that 3 months after that, my son died as well.

I was a caretaker for my Mom and brother. He was Autistic, he died in Feb of 22 and Mom died in Feb of 23. Between those two, both my sisters died in May of 22.

Lost my job about a year after losing my daughter. Big surprise right?

"White privilege" or not, things have been tight in this economy. Y'all might see me wandering around with my own little sign soon, I hear its good money if you can get the right area.

 

[Indy62]

You never know what others are going through. After finding my daughter hanging in a hotel room, I probably went a little off center for a while. Made a few bad descisions that I'm still dealing with the consequenses of.

All but one of my "friends" ghosted me. But, I guess thats just life.

I mentioned it here on NWFA a few times, I wasn't looking for charity but just somebody to talk to about it all. I was not dissappinted.

What I didn't mention was that 3 months after that, my son died as well.

I was a caretaker for my Mom and brother. He was Autistic, he died in Feb of 22 and Mom died in Feb of 23. Between those two, both my sisters died in May of 22.

Lost my job about a year after losing my daughter. Big surprise right?

"White privilege" or not, things have been tight in this economy. Y'all might see me wandering around with my own little sign soon, I hear its good money if you can get the right area.

I hope things get better for you. I'm not convinced it's even the economy..it's someting else..deeper at play here. I hesitated to even bring "race" into my post, but I thought it was important because there's this common, or accepted narrative, that if you're white and male, you get no sympathy..or help. It's what they call Equity..which is basically racist revenge against white males. Plenty of people, regardless of race or gender are having problems in this 21st century US of A. As I drive around and live my life, I don't see hispanic or black males with signs. I think it's because they take care of their own. We don't take care of our own.

 

[Certaindeaf]

I always carry a $20 bill in my pocket.

 

[nammac]

I hope things get better for you. I'm not convinced it's even the economy..it's someting else..deeper at play here. I hesitated to even bring "race" into my post, but I thought it was important because there's this common, or accepted narrative, that if you're white and male, you get no sympathy..or help. It's what they call Equity..which is basically racist revenge against white males. Plenty of people, regardless of race or gender are having problems in this 21st century US of A. As I drive around and live my life, I don't see hispanic or black males with signs. I think it's because they take care of their own. We don't take care of our own.

You've hit on something there, not many people of color are panhandling, is mainly caucasians seeking help. It could be their communities come together and help ( I certainly see this in my wife's clan, they financially care for each other, she's Latina, from Peru). Or it could be other cultures teach hard work, put your nose to the grindstone and hustle it out. Could be blind pride as well, also culturally driven.

Or it could be that white privilege, the Caucasian entitlement, that the only thing I can do to help my situation is to panhandle.

Whatever the cause, you've seen it firsthand. I also believe people are put in our paths for us to help. The two instances you called out, there was something inside you that sparked your actions. I believe there's powers we can't comprehend at work, crossing paths, putting those in need in the path of those willing to help. And blessings abound from such behavior.

 

[Indy62]

You've hit on something there, not many people of color are panhandling, is mainly caucasians seeking help. It could be their communities come together and help ( I certainly see this in my wife's clan, they financially care for each other, she's Latina, from Peru). Or it could be other cultures teach hard work, put your nose to the grindstone and hustle it out. Could be blind pride as well, also culturally driven.

Or it could be that white privilege, the Caucasian entitlement, that the only thing I can do to help my situation is to panhandle.

Whatever the cause, you've seen it firsthand. I also believe people are put in our paths for us to help. The two instances you called out, there was something inside you that sparked your actions. I believe there's powers we can't comprehend at work, crossing paths, putting those in need in the path of those willing to help. And blessings abound from such behavior.

I lived with a Hispanic family about 15 years ago for almost a year. There is definitely a cultural difference. They do take care of themselves..and their own.

 

[Old Dog]

You never know what others are going through.

This is important to remember. I know, I have to stop myself from getting annoyed with other people, distracted drivers or inattentive people in public, bad customer service in businesses, rudeness or irritability on the part of others... My wife always tells me, "Hey, maybe he's just having a bad day, maybe he's driving so fast because his wife is having a baby and he needs to get to the hospital, maybe a family member just died..."

We don't take care of our own.

I agree. I remember how hard my family tried when my little brother was homeless and an addict. We finally had to let him go after spending thousands of dollars trying to get him clean and housed -- he ended up dying in prison.

Now families seem to depend on government to take care of their mentally ill and/or addicted homeless children or siblings. Which, we know, it doesn't.

Hell, we don't even take care of our elderly family members anymore. Being responsible for placing my mother into assisted living and then memory care was an eye-opener for me; we're simply warehousing our seniors in tiny little rooms in facilities run by corporations for profit. I've seen mental illness in my own family and seen the struggles some close friends have gone through with autistic and disabled family members.

I will say that I do question the beggars on the corners whose signs say that they're disabled veterans. "Are you drawing disability benefits from the VA?" "Where did you serve? What branch? When?" Because I've had a number of these guys B.S. me and outright lie.

The vets are the lucky ones, because there are more resources out there to help them than for the non-veterans. One guy at my local Fred Meyer had a sign, "Not going to lie, I want some beer." I'll donate to truthful folks (as long as they don't appear to be hardcore meth or heroin addicts).

 

[Indy62]

This is important to remember. I know, I have to stop myself from getting annoyed with other people, distracted drivers or inattentive people in public, bad customer service in businesses, rudeness or irritability on the part of others... My wife always tells me, "Hey, maybe he's just having a bad day, maybe he's driving so fast because his wife is having a baby and he needs to get to the hospital, maybe a family member just died..."

Your wife and my wife would get along.

I will say that I do question the beggars on the corners whose signs say that they're disabled veterans. "Are you drawing disability benefits from the VA?" "Where did you serve? What branch? When?" Because I've had a number of these guys B.S. me and outright lie.

I'm a vet, and served in Desert Shield..but I don't even care if they're lying or not.

 

[TTSX]

I've given money to cardboard sign holders before and was met with a "that's it?"

Haven't given any of them a dime since.

 

[Indy62]

I've given money to cardboard sign holders before and was met with a "that's it?"

Haven't given any of them a dime since.

Wow..now that would surprise me.

 

[Old Dog]

I've given money to cardboard sign holders before and was met with a "that's it?"

Yikes, never happened to me, but I'd "politely" ask for my five dollar bill back...

 

[gmerkt]

The concept of "white privilege" is flawed. There are plenty of whites who were born into poverty. It's only lately that left wing propaganda assumes that all white people have been and are "privileged." They want us to believe all white people in the past were Thomas Jeffersons. On both sides of my family, they were unlanded white farmers in Iowa. While they weren't starving, they had to work hard and never had any extra money. Only WW2 lifted them out of poverty, when they left farming and went to work building ships and aircraft. One of my grandfathers, after farming rented land for over 20 years had $240 and a used car to show for it. The $240 came from a farm sale where they sold all their possessions. Not to mention carrying about $500 in debt that my grandmother had borrowed from her brother, not paid off until 1952. My other grandparents had even less, just a bit of old furniture, no money and no used car.

Re. modern panhandlers. Having been burned a couple of times by them, I'm a bit wary these days. So it's rare for me to give money to a sign holder. But I've given money to people now and then who were in my opinion genuinely needy.

 

[Old Dog]

Was riding with my brother one day and remarked that all the beggars we were seeing on the corners where -- yes, white males (and the occasional black male) in their 20s, 30s, 40s, all with apparently all four limbs and capable of ambulating with no difficulty. He said, "Yeah, all the Hispanic men are down at the Home Depot waiting to get picked up for some day labor."

Cultural differences, hmm?

 

[Indy62]

You know..I'm not a young pup..been around a while. So I've seen, witnessed the type of of panhandler/scammers you're talking about..and been burnt. This was years ago.

But I've really thought about this.

I can sit at a desk at an office and earn $120K+ a year. I won't get into the stress and BS that I would have to deal with for that, but the fact is I can.

Then I think, would I stand on the corner someplace, either in freezing rain or scorching sun, with my dog and beg for people's charity? And if so..what would that cost be? What is that value?

I wouldn't. So even if that person is running a scam, or if their story doesn't gell...they're still..standing on some corner with a sign. That's more than I would do. And it's harder work.

That in itself has value.

 

[Koda]

I've given money to cardboard sign holders before and was met with a "that's it?"

Haven't given any of them a dime since.

Years ago I pulled up next to a guy begging for money. He was a young white guy, dressed in ragged clothes messy hair and put on his best hardship face. But I also noticed that he was fit, in shape. This one was not starving, thin, or had any indication of health issues.
We were only feet apart as I waited for the light with window down on a hot day with no AC. So I asked him if he really needed the money.

He smiled, turned his cardboard sign around and on the other side was written "honestly I just want cash for weed".

I appreciate the compassion and message in the OPs statement, we need more of that in the world but its a complex place. I will continue to donate to food or homeless charities if I want to help the hungry.

 

[Indy62]

Years ago I pulled up next to a guy begging for money. He was a young white guy, dressed in ragged clothes messy hair and put on his best hardship face. But I also noticed that he was fit, in shape. This one was not starving, thin, or had any indication of health issues.
We were only feet apart as I waited for the light with window down on a hot day with no AC. So I asked him if he really needed the money.

He smiled, turned his cardboard sign around and on the other side was written "honestly I just want cash for weed".

I appreciate the compassion and message in the OPs statement, we need more of that in the world but its a complex place. I will continue to donate to food or homeless charities if I want to help the hungry.

I get that Koda..I do. But think about this..how much $$ do you make (don't answer that). The guy in your story was standing on the corner begging in the hot sun. Would you do that? That takes some moxi.

You wouldn't. I wouldn't (yet)

So my point is..so what. Either roll on by and go on with your day..or give the guy a few bucks.

It's not about you. It's about him...

But at the end of the encounter, it is about you..that feeling you'll have for whatever..5 minutes, or five hours, will be worth it. Doesn't matter.

 

[Koda]

So my point is..so what. Either roll on by and go on with your day..or give the guy a few bucks.

I think that having compassion and actively making an effort to help someone in these places is honorable and I admire those that do it. We need more people with compassion in the world.

 

[Indy62]

I think that having compassion and actively making an effort to help someone in these places is honorable and I admire those that do it. We need more people with compassion in the world.

I'm not usually a compassionate person. Too jaded. Outside of my love for Dogs and Elephants, I find myself lacking. But I suppose there's always hope for my fellow man.

 

[Koda]

I'm not usually a compassionate person. Too jaded. Outside of my love for Dogs and Elephants, I find myself lacking. But I suppose there's always hope for my fellow man.

You are compassionate.

My dad was a compassionate man. He used to give money to those on the street. One day he did such and I said that dollar wasnt going to change that persons situation.
He looked at me and said it will for today.

I can debate the merits of bigger solutions but the lesson in life there is when things are done from compassion its never a bad outcome.

Thank you for reminding me to be compassionate.

 

[Indy62]

He looked at me and said it will for today.

Yes..I think that's really what it comes down to. We can't affect change for everyone, everyday. But maybe that stranger just needs to get through..this day.