Chicken man vs bear!

[Tlock]

@chickenman let's hear that beer story! I ment bear story.....

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[Knobgoblin]

It's a Blackhawk story too.

 

[Tlock]

Chickenman/Blackhawk vs bear!!! I got my popcorn ready

 

[kmk1012]

Hmmm, will watch to see WTF is going on here. I musta missed something on the other section.

 

[chickenman]

@chickenman let's hear that beer story! I ment bear story.....

okay.
So this last hunting season, I was gonna call it sense I busted my right wrist. Was whining in complaining that I can't shoot because it's gonna hurt. Then started pouring my friends bathtub gin

about 5 hours in the night, And any sense of human dignity gone. He convinced me to hunt with a pistol using my left hand.
So the next day fighting off a hangover in the sound of an angry. God telling me not to spend money. I spent money.
But not on a fancy, you know well designed thing that was deliberately designed to hunt bear. oh no I HAD TO GO SAA.
And there she was brand new in the box. Already quivering in fear seeing this ogre size child sweating over her 45lc blackhawk.
Pay check spent.

The week before hunting I decide I should make ammo........ Set with the engineering marvel technological do howof a nascar fan That only knows how to work on a mower. I get to ripping apart some 300gr bushmaster In mash in to a 45lc brass With enough chicken sh** Homemade black powder to Reenact APOLLO eleven launch mission.

THE TRIP!!!
So he convinced me to go down to Eugene and hang out in the forest. Probably we're lesbians have their meeting rituals or some other fairy bullcrap to hunt black bear.
Have I ever hunted a black bear? NO
Has he ever hunted a black bear? NO
Hell the only bear we scene Was his husband seeing us off.

So we did the most logical thing that 2 freezing cold wet. Morons do in the forest.
WE DRINK. play with fire and make fools of ourselves.

By now the sun is coming up and we have probably made enough noise to even offend a grateful dead concert. The only carnage is the twinkies and crushed beer cans left around the fire. So with the sunrising up I decide i'm gonna take a dump In that weird pop up porta potty he brought.

Now my friend is about 350 And sounds like an F350 With a misfiring number three cylinder when he's doing anything. So while i'm pinching off 3lb yule log I'm hearing grunting large groans. And what sounds to be a oversize man Child looking for lucky charms in a cooler.

So I pop out of the what I like to call the one man tenth of shame stumbling to the camp Trying to get my pants up.

and there he was. The least impressive animal i've ever seen. a black bear covered in cup cake frosting and munching on beer cans.
Now in hindsight he probably was scared sh++liss just like me, But with the intelligence of a 5 year old on a Sugar Rush that got caught by dad digging in his undwear Drawer for the skin mags. He decided to go right at me. At this point this is when I realized that the reason why I couldn't get my pants up as I had this big a+s Revolver still strap to me.

So with my left hand and looking like han solo of a trailer park I took my shot. In man what a terrible shot. hit him between the shoulders in spine, I felt bad.
.........So I shot him again Remembering that he does ate all my twinky's. And what was left of my beer And i'm stuck out here for probably another day.

The human margarine balloon I call my friend slept for the whole thing

 

[chickenman]

If you survive my terrible grammar in the butchering of the english language so far, I'll continue.

So after I gave him a soviet promotion. (and finally pulled my pants up, I decided it was a good time to probably gut him.
but right wrist busted, friend is Reenacting java the hut sleeping. I came up with a perfect idea
I take the keys out of his very liberal interpretation of what we call pants and start up his jeep. Hook yoga to the bear up with the winch by the backlegs, takle in block a think tree branch. Then pull him up.

Now, if you're paying attention. This poor bear got hit in the spine and in the head, with 300 grains of american lead. So then integrity of that area questionable at best. So what you end up is something that looks like what the predator left in the original movie. Because I didn't know bears look like tiny humans when you skin them......

 

[chickenman]

Last part I swear

So they're understanding soaked in blood and carnage. Because I tried skinning something with one hand.
What looks to be a hobbit has been skinned in decapitated hung up in a tree.

This is the point where my friend wakes up. gazes upon this morning glory not by hearing two gunshots. Not hearing his jeep move but the gentle call of nature will come up.

He looks at me with shock and all I can say is

it drank my beer

 

[Tlock]

We had our cabin ransacked by a black bear in Alaska, all while our friend was napping inside the cabin. When we arrived back to clean fish he was still sleeping and had no idea the bear had just been feet away from him

 

[chickenman]

It's amazing what people sleep through. I'm also surprised how efficient bears are at stealing food

 

[Tlock]

Bears noses are incredible! They are the hunger in the darkness....many of bear have lost there lives to a handful of donuts!

 

[North Plains]

Fantastic story

 

[Tlock]

Last part I swear

So they're understanding soaked in blood and carnage. Because I tried skinning something with one hand.
What looks to be a hobbit has been skinned in decapitated hung up in a tree.

This is the point where my friend wakes up. gazes upon this morning glory not by hearing two gunshots. Not hearing his jeep move but the gentle call of nature will come up.

He looks at me with shock and all I can say is

it drank my beer

Did you change your underwear then check into rehab? Or check into rehab then change?

 

[ARFrog]

When I was younger, I backpacked in the Hech Hechy area of California with a group of teachers. After about a 6.5 mile first day hike, the first night we camped in a place called Rancheria Falls.

Yosemite Hikes: Rancheria Falls

Rancheria Falls, a 6.5-mile (one way) hike to a small waterfall in Yosemite's Hetch Hetchy area

www.yosemitehikes.com

I was told that this is an area that the Park Service relocated problem bears from the Yosemite area to. Because of the potential for bears, we were instructed to remove all food from our packs and we bear-bagged supposedly all of it with a rope off a tree limb.

That night we slept the dead sleep of the tired and out of shape, in our sleeping bags, with our backpacks leaning against trees about 6 to 8 feet away. The next morning, we found bear slobber around the zippers on a couple of our packs.

Additionally, one of the packs had a zipper that had been opened where unfortunately one of the Bozos on the trip had decided that bear bagging rules didn't apply to them. On the ground in front of the pack were pieces of orange rind, an empty Chef BoyRDee ravioli can and a toothpaste tube. What was amazing was that the can had its lid opened and bent back - like a can opener had been used on it - and it had been emptied and licked spotlessly clean.

6' - 8' from our heads and we never heard a thing.

 

[Tlock]

When I was younger, I backpacked in the Hech Hechy area of California with a group of teachers. After about a 6.5 mile first day hike, the first night we camped in a place called Rancheria Falls.

Yosemite Hikes: Rancheria Falls

Rancheria Falls, a 6.5-mile (one way) hike to a small waterfall in Yosemite's Hetch Hetchy area

www.yosemitehikes.com

I was told that this is an area that the Park Service relocated problem bears from the Yosemite area to. Because of the potential for bears, we were instructed to remove all food from our packs and we bear-bagged supposedly all of it with a rope off a tree limb.

That night we slept the dead sleep of the tired and out of shape, in our sleeping bags, with our backpacks leaning against trees about 6 to 8 feet away. The next morning, we found bear slobber around the zippers on a couple of our packs.

Additionally, one of the packs had a zipper that had been opened where unfortunately one of the Bozos on the trip had decided that bear bagging rules didn't apply to them. On the ground in front of the pack were pieces of orange rind, an empty Chef BoyRDee ravioli can and a toothpaste tube. What was amazing was that the can had its lid opened and bent back - like a can opener had been used on it - and it had been licked spotlessly clean.

6' - 8' from our heads and we never heard a thing.

Bears have a built in can opener.....teeth! That's one thing ODFW got right, NO relocation of bears! That only came by trial and error

 

[ARFrog]

Bears have a built in can opener.....teeth! That's one thing ODFW got right, NO relocation of bears! That only came by trial and error

HaHa, I had always pictured Yogi using his index claw...

 

[Tlock]

20 years of trapping bears I've seen some unbelievable $#!t

 

[kmk1012]

I thought I knew a friend of many years until he hollered at me to just come in one day. Normally the front door was open but not that day, I could hear him and someone else in the garage. I walked through the house and into the garage to what looked like a crime scene. It looked like a human body without a head hanging from the garage (it was a bear). I slowly backed out and tried to retreat but they started laughing and asked if I'd ever seen a bear without its skin. Like I said, I thought I knew this guy, he was an old biker with many stories and I thought I got caught in one of them. I was a little embarrassed after but we still laugh about it now.

 

[Tlock]

They definitely look like a person hanging there

 

[FourTeeFive]

If you survive my terrible grammar in the butchering of the english language so far, I'll continue.

Sounds like you butchered the bear worse, but the English language definitely comes in a close second.

 

[Tlock]

that's what they can do when they are pissed!