Wife not letting Husband buy Guns

[sobo]

Yea, but you were smart, once free you've retained your freedom…

Some of us weren't so bright, and went back in for wife 2.0. Not complaining, did a metric upgrade and couldn't be happier…

Not about to take the risk again at this stage in my life. With 14 years to rebuild my life and fortune, I now have way too much to risk on another leech.


Regarding female companionship, I don't need/want it as often as I used to, but when I do, I follow my own maxim:

"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure can rent some high-class affection..."
---sobo

 

[HA556]

When I come home with a new gun, my wife says "nice, let's go shooting." And we live happily ever after.

This ain't no time for fairy tale's mister!

 

[dingo97223]

Wife did not like guns, they were not allowed to own guns in the former communist society she was raised in so she did not want me to have them. To her it was not "normal".

And now... suffice to say; no more wife...

(Yes there were more reasons than just that, she could never let go of being a communist and I couldn't tolerate that). It's just here they call it Marxist/leftist but in the end it all boils down to communism/Socialism and utter subjugation. One would think after fleeing those types of systems that they would embrace the freedoms that we have here, unfortunately a lot of people who immigrate cling to what they learned when they were younger and can never let go and that's one of the reasons why we see our country changing the way it is. So many people who can't let go of their past lives and as such imposing their viewpoints and beliefs on our country and irreparably damaging it in the process .

Interesting, I didn't know in this country, the federal, state, and local governments, legislature/judicial and executive branches are all run by communists which are also all voted in on their positions by other communists...and everyone else.
There must be alot of communists out there. Everything bad going on around...it's the communists fault. Period.
If this is true....then the question is, who voted in these:

So many people who can't let go of their past lives and as such imposing their viewpoints and beliefs on our country and irreparably damaging it in the process

The answer is (pick one or more) of the following:

1) other American communists citizens
2) clueless and/or ignorant citizens
3) over tolerant, complacent, or sleeping American citizens
4) other

Personally I'd go with number 3. The main reason our country is damaged as it is, is because Americans have been "sleeping at the wheel" for a very long time, over depending on their government, their schools, their local leaders, to keep them, their families/kids, and their communities/country safe and secure...without staying alert by checking on/ keeping all these institutions on a short leash.
Without actually reading the vote ballots before voting, or tossing them into the trash.
Without taking time off from trash shows on their TV to get involved in their kids education, other than hauling the kids to their sports games.
Substituting quality time with their kids with TV, internet, video games, social media, all unchecked for content.

And when they started to wake up(only because of the hurting), they are blaming communists, ex wives, their neighbors, immigrants, etc....anyone else but themselves.

Anytime when someone that was supposed to be on watch/vigilant fell asleep....disaster happened.
Now, you have kids who don't talk with their parents because the parents are watching FOX news. You have parents who will never have grandchildren because their boys wear girls clothes, and their girls wear boy clothes.
You have a government and an education system that is trying to control and regulate every aspect of yours and your children's life.
I can say with the highest degree of certainty that people coming/emigrating here from communist...or any other countries, did not help create these problems.
On the contrary, as a first generation American, myself and most of the people who emigrated from an ex-communist country have seen the writing on the wall and all the tell tell signs of the Marxist direction the country has been taking....because we've seen this before, and I've been warning anyone who was willing to listen.

It seems that you married, and divorced...an oddball. Some communists never stop being communists, especially the ones who did not suffer under communism. But it's too big of a stretch to blame this country's problems on legal emigrants, while dismissing personal responsibility.

At least you divorced your problem....now if each of us will do something to save the country.

 

[OldBroad44]

Oh I know how that goes, but I am the one who gets to play the submissive one. I am 100% the dominant personality in our relationship, to the point where it did not even occur to me that that was how it worked for the first nearly decade of our relationship. When we needed to make decisions we would talk about it, come to a conclusion and then do that.

The pattern was that if I had any kind of opinion on the resolution, well that is what we decided to do. To the extent I even noticed that pattern (I really didn't) I though I was just good at figuring out solutions to stuff. Turns out she just gave in really easily to any contrary idea. Then I was always stuck wondering why she was unhappy with things. Didn't we talk about this and both decide this was the best way to do it?

It has taken a lot of work to convince her that I really do care about her input even if I disagree with it, and that just because I disagree with something she thinks does not mean we won't do it her way. But even more than that I want to understand why she sees an issue a certain way, so that I can understand if I am missing something important to her, and maybe come up with an even better solution once I understand where she is coming from, or at the very least come up with a compromise solution we both like. But I can only do that if she is willing to actually challenge my ideas and present alternative solutions with their underlying reasons. I am an engineer at heart, the better I understand the complete problem the better I am coming up with optimal solutions.

This has never been more true than with our current home remodel. I really do want to make a house that works really well for her style of home organization, but so far I have only gotten her comfortable with vetoing ideas, not proposing fully actionable alternatives. It is a process, and part of that process probably involves me learning that I am never going to get her to be a co-dominant personality and I need to figure out how to provide for a submissive personality that I cannot always drag detailed and actionable information out of.

But I have gotten her really comfortable and confident in playing the dominant party in some situations. She does enjoy bossing me around in public, and loves leaning into all our social in-joke with friends, like my propositioning mistresses of all our female friends. It helps that most of our friends are also super into funny shenanigans like that too, so we just come up with some bit of fiction that we then drag others into for the laughs. I am still the main instigator, but I have been pretty decently ensnared in some mess she set up for me to fall into. At the end of the day I am just happy when she is happy. Sometimes that take a lot more mental effort on my part to sort out, but I can (eventually) learn.

Hello @lucasloc . One of the big five personality traits is called Agreeableness. These are people who are very eager to please, accommodate, and help others. The opposite is Disagreeable people, who are more likely to be blunt, less likely to be influenced by or try to go along with others just to be going along, more likely to look out after their own self interests. You can find Jordan Peterson videos on this trait. Women on average are more likely than men to be agreeable but the curves overlap. Many people in helping/teaching professions, male or female, are naturally agreeable . Many engineers are naturally disagreeable. They need to make the decisions in such a way that the bridge does not fall down, whether those decisions hurt anyone's feelings or not. Effective CEOs, supposedly, are often somewhat or even extremely disagreeable. They have to make hard decisions, especially including firing people who should be fired for the sake of the organization.

Many agreeable people are so eager to accommodate others that they barely know what they want themselves. They can agree with someone else and let the other guy have his way and end up resentful because it wasn't really what they wanted. Peterson himself, to his chagrin, he says, is actually an agreeable type. And he says about half of his clinical psychology clients were there because they needed to learn to be more assertive. The extremely agreeable tend to have problems with being exploited by others. A coworker can push much of his own work onto an agreeable person and the agreeable person doesn't get credit for that extra work and fails to finish his own work on time. And there can be the sorts of communication problems you describe, where the overly agreeable person has such a large tendency to go along with what they think is the other persons desire that they don't realize they themselves didn't want that at all, and end up feeling resentful. Agreeable people may need to learn to say no. And to figure out what they themselves really want better and negotiate better for what is critical to them so they don't end up resenting things. Or taking on more than they can do.

The personality tests are a bit simplistic I think. They don't take into account that people learn. I found the questions on agreeableness unanswerable because none of the choices were "I used to be that way but I'm not any more." That is, I think I was born as naturally agreeable. But I learned to say no and not be exploited. And to evaluate and recognize when I was likely to resent something and not agree to it in the first place. And to say hard things that needed to be said promptly when they needed to be said, because it always caused more hassle in the long run to let things ride. Jordan Peterson himself is a great example of a "reformed agreeable person." He will stand up and speak the truth as he sees it, no matter how many people disagree or how upset they get about it.

Sounds like you are doing a good job at recognizing the problem, and teaching your wife to rein in her agreeableness so you can communicate better and she doesn't accidentally go along with things she is like to resent later and has more genuine input into what happens . I'm impressed.

 

[Andy54Hawken]

I've been told that I am an agreeable cuss....emphasis on the cuss....
Andy

 

[oremike]

I've been told that I am an agreeable cuss....emphasis on the cuss....
Andy

I've been told I'm a curmudgeon, I took it as a complement.

 

[Phantom Man]

I keep telling my wife I need a mistress, and she keeps telling me that girls old enough to drink are still young enough to be our daughter and she (we) can adopt them if she wants to. I pointed out that I am not allowed to have an older mistress since that is a challenge to her matriarchy, so that kinda leaves me stuck in my options. I probably need to wait a few more years for there to be some kind of middle ground between those two options, but I bet she has yet more wrenches to throw into the works. Se la vie.

Tell her about "needs."

 

[lucusloc]

Hello @lucasloc . One of the big five personality traits is called Agreeableness. These are people who are very eager to please, accommodate, and help others. The opposite is Disagreeable people, who are more likely to be blunt, less likely to be influenced by or try to go along with others just to be going along, more likely to look out after their own self interests. You can find Jordan Peterson videos on this trait. Women on average are more likely than men to be agreeable but the curves overlap. Many people in helping/teaching professions, male or female, are naturally agreeable . Many engineers are naturally disagreeable. They need to make the decisions in such a way that the bridge does not fall down, whether those decisions hurt anyone's feelings or not. Effective CEOs, supposedly, are often somewhat or even extremely disagreeable. They have to make hard decisions, especially including firing people who should be fired for the sake of the organization.

Many agreeable people are so eager to accommodate others that they barely know what they want themselves. They can agree with someone else and let the other guy have his way and end up resentful because it wasn't really what they wanted. Peterson himself, to his chagrin, he says, is actually an agreeable type. And he says about half of his clinical psychology clients were there because they needed to learn to be more assertive. The extremely agreeable tend to have problems with being exploited by others. A coworker can push much of his own work onto an agreeable person and the agreeable person doesn't get credit for that extra work and fails to finish his own work on time. And there can be the sorts of communication problems you describe, where the overly agreeable person has such a large tendency to go along with what they think is the other persons desire that they don't realize they themselves didn't want that at all, and end up feeling resentful. Agreeable people may need to learn to say no. And to figure out what they themselves really want better and negotiate better for what is critical to them so they don't end up resenting things. Or taking on more than they can do.

The personality tests are a bit simplistic I think. They don't take into account that people learn. I found the questions on agreeableness unanswerable because none of the choices were "I used to be that way but I'm not any more." That is, I think I was born as naturally agreeable. But I learned to say no and not be exploited. And to evaluate and recognize when I was likely to resent something and not agree to it in the first place. And to say hard things that needed to be said promptly when they needed to be said, because it always caused more hassle in the long run to let things ride. Jordan Peterson himself is a great example of a "reformed agreeable person." He will stand up and speak the truth as he sees it, no matter how many people disagree or how upset they get about it.

Sounds like you are doing a good job at recognizing the problem, and teaching your wife to rein in her agreeableness so you can communicate better and she doesn't accidentally go along with things she is like to resent later and has more genuine input into what happens . I'm impressed.

Yep, I have heard it put this way before. The wife describes herself as a "people pleaser" and views agreeing with what is being said as the primary way to accomplish that. It took me a long time to learn that and I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it because it is such a foreign concept to me. It takes quite a bit of active thought on my part to accommodate and I still have a hard time finding he right balance on topics that require a quick response time. Like a few of the guys who responded after I fall into the category of "a$$hole" for whom facts and reality take precedence and feelings are a barely recognized and usually irrelevant factor. My biggest concern with her is making sure my understanding of reality and actual reality are in tight agreement, and that usually takes a lot of begging and pleading to drag out relevant details from her. The part about her not know what she actually wants rings especially true. She is pretty good at knowing what she does not want now, but "not that one specific thing" does not usually provide enough information to generate an actionable alternative. Like I said, figuring all this out is a process, for both of us.

 

[HA556]

I've been told that I am an agreeable cuss....emphasis on the cuss....
Andy

I've been told I'm a curmudgeon, I took it as a complement.

I've been told....




Family, what do they know anyhow?! Maybe if they'd just stay out of my way and leave me be...where's my cotton pickiing glasses, I can't see this keyboard?...Dang coffe is empty again...Is that a stupid cat on my porch?! Get off my lawn!...Blah...blah...blah...

 

[The Heretic]

I've been told....

View attachment 1816966


Family, what do they know anyhow?! Maybe if they'd just stay out of my way and leave me be...where's my cotton pickiing glasses, I can't see this keyboard?...Dang coffe is empty again...Is that a stupid cat on my porch?! Get off my lawn!...Blah...blah...blah...

I am pretty agreeable, until I am not

I've had people tell me I like to argue (I prefer "debate"), but actually I do not - I just try to present facts instead of opinions (there is, of course, often a stark difference) and I often am just trying to make facts known so that the persons I am conversing with can make better decisions (unfortunately, that rarely works).

When I was married, finances were tight, I worked very hard and I always have been all about being able to make ends meet with regards to necessities. Besides my Ex - I was also trying to provide for my daughter.

My Ex OTOH, was used to her parents providing all her needs, her not having to work (IIRC she had never had a job outside of the household chores) and never had to manage finances - and it showed in our marriage; despite use struggling (a LOT!) just to keep a roof over our heads, the lights on and food in the fridge, she thought that new curtains, nice furniture, etc., were the priorities over the necessities.

To this day - AFAIK - she still feels that way, despite having the IRS after her, being evicted 4 times for not paying rent (AFAIK - probably more), having a lot of debt collectors hounding her and so on - but she has some nice furniture (or had - maybe lost much of it).

I could go on and on - but the general idea is that there were issues and arguments about a lot of things.

 

[Phantom Man]

I am pretty agreeable, until I am not

I've had people tell me I like to argue (I prefer "debate"), but actually I do not - I just try to present facts instead of opinions (there is, of course, often a stark difference) and I often am just trying to make facts known so that the persons I am conversing with can make better decisions (unfortunately, that rarely works).

When I was married, finances were tight, I worked very hard and I always have been all about being able to make ends meet with regards to necessities. Besides my Ex - I was also trying to provide for my daughter.

My Ex OTOH, was used to her parents providing all her needs, her not having to work (IIRC she had never had a job outside of the household chores) and never had to manage finances - and it showed in our marriage; despite use struggling (a LOT!) just to keep a roof over our heads, the lights on and food in the fridge, she thought that new curtains, nice furniture, etc., were the priorities over the necessities.

To this day - AFAIK - she still feels that way, despite having the IRS after her, being evicted 4 times for not paying rent (AFAIK - probably more), having a lot of debt collectors hounding her and so on - but she has some nice furniture (or had - maybe lost much of it).

I could go on and on - but the general idea is that there were issues and arguments about a lot of things.

After all that you must need a safe space. It's called a gun room..!

 

[The Heretic]

After all that you must need a safe space. It's called a gun room..!

It's called a house on a mountain and not letting the Ex know my phone # (she loves to call people at 2AM in the morning, beg for $ (and/or help of one sort or another, including taking her garbage out) and go on about her latest drama).

 

[Bcam]

Now ex-wife negated a couple deals hence why she is an ex and not a current. Plus the new chick is a gun Nut like me

 

[OldBroad44]

Yep, I have heard it put this way before. The wife describes herself as a "people pleaser" and views agreeing with what is being said as the primary way to accomplish that. It took me a long time to learn that and I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it because it is such a foreign concept to me. It takes quite a bit of active thought on my part to accommodate and I still have a hard time finding he right balance on topics that require a quick response time. Like a few of the guys who responded after I fall into the category of "a$$hole" for whom facts and reality take precedence and feelings are a barely recognized and usually irrelevant factor. My biggest concern with her is making sure my understanding of reality and actual reality are in tight agreement, and that usually takes a lot of begging and pleading to drag out relevant details from her. The part about her not know what she actually wants rings especially true. She is pretty good at knowing what she does not want now, but "not that one specific thing" does not usually provide enough information to generate an actionable alternative. Like I said, figuring all this out is a process, for both of us

One thing I find useful is to give people a statement not just of my preferences but on how important it is to me. Lots of times I'll say "Offhand, I think my preference would be (whatever), but I don't feel strongly about it." (Feel free to choose differently, no biggie.) Or if I have no preference I'll say "I think I could be happy with any of those options." Or I'll say "That really wouldn't work for me." And I'll say why. I'll also toss in any other options I can think of.

Sometimes one partner genuinely doesn't care about or is very flexible about some things and is happy to let the other person decide everything . My late husband, among other things, was in charge of our social life. Before Dave I worked late in the lab every night including weekends. And my idea of off time was collapsing into bed and reading The Godfather over and over because I never got around to going to a bookstore. With Dave in my life I got home at a reasonable hour on weekdays. And on at least one day a weekend we would go off on some adventure Dave proposed. Maybe one proposal in ten would be something that was not my sort of thing and I would say so. Dave was never offended. He just proposed something else. He enjoyed thinking up new adventures for us to do. And I enjoyed everything we did together. Did I feel bad about the fact that Dave ran our social and off-work life? He!! no. He did a much better job than I ever did on my own.

 

[Xaevian]

+1 how can others generalize about someone else's situation when they know nothing about it?

+1 how can others generalize about someone else's situation when they know nothing about it?

That's +2

 

[Cavedweller]

I am pretty agreeable, until I am not

I've had people tell me I like to argue (I prefer "debate"), but actually I do not - I just try to present facts instead of opinions (there is, of course, often a stark difference) and I often am just trying to make facts known so that the persons I am conversing with can make better decisions (unfortunately, that rarely works).

When I was married, finances were tight, I worked very hard and I always have been all about being able to make ends meet with regards to necessities. Besides my Ex - I was also trying to provide for my daughter.

My Ex OTOH, was used to her parents providing all her needs, her not having to work (IIRC she had never had a job outside of the household chores) and never had to manage finances - and it showed in our marriage; despite use struggling (a LOT!) just to keep a roof over our heads, the lights on and food in the fridge, she thought that new curtains, nice furniture, etc., were the priorities over the necessities.

To this day - AFAIK - she still feels that way, despite having the IRS after her, being evicted 4 times for not paying rent (AFAIK - probably more), having a lot of debt collectors hounding her and so on - but she has some nice furniture (or had - maybe lost much of it).

I could go on and on - but the general idea is that there were issues and arguments about a lot of things.

I hope she was good looking, at least.

 

[The Heretic]

I hope she was good looking, at least.

She was - when she was young

But you know what they say, beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone.

She turned real ugly and mean and even more selfish when we separated. Some of that I deserved, but she never got over it, and my daughter didn't deserve what my Ex put her thru.

 

[DunRanull]

And purses, jewelry, and kitchen gadgets that never get used.

And guns, knives, and ammo that never get used...

 

[DunRanull]

View attachment 1342221

What she doesnt know you have, her attorney can't grab!